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Hello dear blog readers! The term «existential needs» was coined by Erich Fromm. A well-known psychoanalyst, the founder of such schools as neo-Freudianism and Freudo-Marxism. His idea was that in addition to the basic needs of the individual, it is extremely important and even vital to satisfy others. Those that help answer the question «Who am I?» and discover the meaning of your existence.
Types of existential needs
Making connections
Everyone strives to be a part of a process, a community. This allows you to feel unity, closeness, belonging. Then there is a feeling that it seems not so lonely. At least not alone in this world. There are people with whom relationships are valuable.
Erich Fromm believed that a person enters into these valuable relationships, both with others and with the world as a whole, with the help of love, power and submission.
Submission and power, in his opinion, interfere with the formation of contact, full and healthy. When someone who wants to control and rule meets someone who just wants to obey, their relationship is transformed into a complimentary one. That is, they are complementary.
For example, one partner does not know how to make good money, and the second one is just fine. But he is afraid of loneliness, the feeling of inner emptiness and the possibility of being alone with his feelings. Then their union will be strong, they give each other what they cannot provide for themselves on their own. Strong but not healthy.
They become dependent, co-dependent and deprived of the opportunity to develop. Sooner or later, everything will collapse, and there will be hatred for the fact that it is impossible to be autonomous and integral. This is when together it’s bad and unbearable, but separately, too, in any way.
In marriages that are built on love, things are different. In such a relationship, there are two people, not halves of one whole. But two different personalities, unique and independent, who, under certain circumstances, want to go through life together. Not «breaking» each other and not adjusting.
According to Fromm, there are four types of manifestation of true love — this is care, respect, responsibility and knowledge. It is impossible to respect another while imposing on him your vision of his personality. It is important to have knowledge that he shares and agrees with. It is necessary to be interested in the partner and take care of him, otherwise the emotional connection will be lost over time. And where there is indifference, there is no place for love.
Transcendence
Simply put — overcoming oneself, going beyond the usual boundaries. If this succeeds, then the individual acquires inner freedom. He is goal oriented and gets what he wants. This state can be achieved with the help of two forms of behavior — creation or vice versa, destruction.
Creation means that a person takes care of what has already been created by mankind. And he also seeks to complement other people’s creations in order to contribute to the development of any spheres of life. It seems to transform the world and influence its future. Examples of creation: works of art, medical discoveries, care for the environment, and more.
Destruction means that such an individual seeks to suppress another. Erich believed that we, sentient beings, are the only representatives of a biological species who kill not for the sake of survival, but for pleasure or power.
rootedness
It is extremely necessary for a person to feel safe, that he has a support and a reliable rear. It gives strength to challenge the world and try new things. To endure in difficult times, without being subjected to despair. If this feeling is not there, then the person may experience helplessness, isolation, loneliness. She will not value herself, respect and love.
And all the energy will be directed to finding your place in this world. Only they will be unconstructive. The fact is that the thirst to experience peace and security pushes to establish relationships with washed out social roles. For example, a man seeks to see a mother in a woman, not in the literal sense, but expecting unconditional acceptance, support and care from her at any moment. Because of this, he fails to solve his life tasks. He is like a baby, afraid of losing his mother’s breast and protection.
The one who feels a reliable rear behind him manages to take a step into the unknown, rely on himself and refuse to do something instead of him. He tries to adapt and adapt, realizing that life is changeable. And the one who knows how to «spin» survives.
Therefore, if you are having trouble with security, try to create a family tree by studying which of the ancestors was what and what they did. What message does your family carry on the maternal or paternal line.
For example, women often endure insults and violence from their husbands, for the good of the family, so that it does not fall apart. And this knowledge is passed on from generation to generation. Everyone is unhappy in marriage, but they do not dare to divorce. Having realized and studied his roots, a person gets a chance to live life the way he wants. She appreciates what was, reserving the right to act differently.
self-identity
Fromm said that people tend to be subject to the herd instinct. That is, instead of examining themselves and accepting the various qualities of their character, they try to discover their belonging to something. As a result, individuality is lost, the boundaries are blurred and there is no sense of stability.
Suppose a girl, getting to know someone, instead of declaring herself, may introduce herself as the wife of a surgeon such and such. She does not know what she really is, but she is well aware of how she should behave and what functions she must perform.
Or it is presented not by the social role performed, but by the profession. And then she, like, for example, a lawyer, does not tolerate injustice, and like most colleagues, she knows how to insist on her own and convince her interlocutor. Although in fact all of the above requires maximum effort from her. Because it’s not really like that at all.
That is, self-identity is the ability to accept one’s individuality. Not embellishing it or hiding it. Don’t hide behind something or someone. Just look «in the eyes» of your strengths and weaknesses in order to understand what is worth working on, and what does not interfere in life and quite even helps to survive.
Despite the fact that someone does not like it and seems uncomfortable. For example, the ability to say no when a person does not want to do something. He defends his boundaries, but it may not seem profitable to others. They will seek to change him and try to convey that he is not good.
And how then to treat this ability? An individual with self-identity will be able to rely on knowledge about himself. And will not lose his mind, trying to live up to ideas and expectations. Such behavior leads to neurosis and intrapersonal conflict.
System of values
Values play a very important role in our life. They are like a map, thanks to which it becomes clearer where to go. Or as a foundation, they make it possible to withstand adversity. A person in moments of crisis and in general, when he makes a decision, turns to his value system. Then he understands how to act so that there is no feeling of guilt, or regret about what he did.
He is ready to take responsibility for the decision, for his choice. And even if he understands that he made a mistake, he will perceive it as an experience that should be learned in order to anticipate repetitions. Or maybe it’s time to rethink your outlook on life.
A person who has a system of values is distinguished by purposefulness. Since it can perceive reality and adapt to it, adapt, and not collapse. Unlike those who have not formed views on the events in this world, attitude towards them. He is also rational, which allows him to maintain his health, both physical and mental.
Completion
And finally, I recommend reading this article. It indicates the needs according to Maslow, or rather, the triangle or diagram of Abaraham, the creator of humanistic psychology. They are slightly similar in meaning to those described by Erich Fromm. In any case, each of them is vital, and affects the development of the individual, the formation of character, and in general, the body as a whole. Since dissatisfaction with at least one of them can lead to stress, neurosis and even depression. Suspend in development, which means limiting actions and opportunities to realize your desires. Take care of yourself and listen to your needs!
The material was prepared by a psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina.