What is it – a fashionable gadget, a job with a seven-figure salary, worldwide fame? According to the results of one of the longest studies in the history of psychology, the first thing is demand. But do not overestimate her – without the help of the second she will not be able to make us happy.
For 75 years, the authors of the study – three generations of psychologists – observed the lives of 268 Harvard graduates who studied at this university in 1938-1940. Now those of them who are still alive are under 90 years old. All this time, psychologists studied various aspects of their lives and periodically asked them to answer questionnaires. The main task of the researchers was to understand: what exactly helps a person to lead a happy and meaningful life?
I must say that this study has one drawback: all of its participants are men. Thus, we cannot say with certainty that for women the secret of happiness is the same as for men. However, the unprecedented length of time during which it was held still makes it invaluable for understanding human needs.
Summing up the study, Harvard psychiatrist Georges Vaillant names two components of happiness. The first of these is demand, the feeling that life does not push you out, like salt water pushes out a bather who tries in vain to dive. A person must be in demand in professional activities, have the feeling that he has taken place.
A person needs to feel his connection with various areas of life.
“We found that at the age of 70, a person no longer cares how much money he earns – he evaluates his achievements in life by how happy he is in doing the business that he has chosen,” the psychiatrist notes. A person needs to feel his connection with various spheres of life – and the more spheres with which he has this connection, the more meaningful he perceives his life.
However, this alone is not enough for happiness. Everyone who believes that professional activity, money and position in society “runs” in life will face a sad old age. As the study showed, even if a person has a successful career, wealth and enviable physical health, without a strong relationship with a loved one, he will not experience real happiness. “Happiness is just a carriage, but love is a horse that carries it,” Vaillant says.
A striking example is the fate of a man named Godfrey Camill, whom the study named among the most successful volunteers. When he was in middle age, the index assessing his sense of life stability was the lowest; in addition, he even tried to commit suicide. However, by the end of the study, he was one of the lucky ones.
The reason for such a dramatic change? “He spent his life looking for love,” Vaillant says. And the search was successful. Even though he did not succeed as a professional and did not occupy an important position in society, Camill, in his 80s, feels like a happy person who has lived a successful life.
The number of real problems does not affect the feeling of happiness from life
As time goes by, having a relationship with a loved one becomes more important: research has shown that having support from a partner is closely related to life expectancy, stress levels, and feelings of well-being.
It is curious that the number of real problems does not affect the feeling of happiness from life – married couples who have survived poverty, serious illnesses, and even the loss of loved ones are much happier than singles who have not encountered any serious difficulties.
Tellingly, one of the side findings of the study is that happiness is more likely to be achieved by people who are alien to narcissism and pessimism – as Vaillant eloquently concluded, the ability to “turn shit into gold” is important.
Vaillant gives examples not only of the participants in the study, but also of historical figures – Beethoven and Mother Teresa: both of them had a difficult childhood, and the number of problems that they had to face along the way of life increased throughout their lives. Nevertheless, they managed to cope with all the difficulties.
This is the most important indicator of a person’s maturity and ability to cope with difficult life circumstances. This attracts others to him and greatly contributes to the search for a loved one and building a strong relationship with him.