Obsessive thoughts and regrets do not give us the opportunity to part with the past. And the anxieties that we project onto the future make us look ahead, not allowing us to live in the present. These exercises will help you recognize such mechanisms and then neutralize them. Shall we try?
1. Deal with a worrisome scenario
The endless scrolling of unpleasant thoughts in the head maintains anxiety and deprives the ability to rejoice. The conscious ability to live in the present moment, on the contrary, allows you to use all internal resources in the event of a difficult situation. An exercise recommended by cognitive psychologist Denis Moskovchenko will help you get rid of a negative attitude. Do it whenever you feel a strong emotion rising in your soul.
Choose “anchor”that will snap you to the present moment. The best anchor is your own breath, because it is always with you. But it can be any other physical sensation, such as feet touching the floor. Focus on the “anchor” for a few seconds, this will keep you in the present and allow you to take a nonjudgmental look at your reaction.
Take an “inventory” thoughts, physical sensations and actions on three counts:
- What do you think now?
- What do you feel in your body?
- What are you doing now? What do you want to do?
Ask yourself:
- Is my reaction in line with what is happening here and now?
- Am I reacting based on past experience or a prediction for the future?
Adjust your reactionto be relevant to the present moment.
Here is an example of how the “anchoring in the present” skill works. Imagine that you are having lunch with a friend. She talks about something important, and you notice that you are becoming more and more irritated. Thoughts are spinning in my head that the boss has set absolutely impossible deadlines for the completion of the project. Thoughts jump, but you manage to switch completely to breathing for a few seconds.
Then you do a three-point check. Thoughts: “I won’t complete this task on time.” Physical sensations: I start to sweat, my muscles are tense. Actions: imagine how I express to the boss everything that I think about him. After that, you come to your senses and understand that now you are not in front of your boss, but in a cafe and you can’t solve the problem in any way. Shift your attention to your friend by telling yourself that you will deal with work issues after lunch.
2. Get rid of obsessive thoughts
This exercise is addressed to those who do not cease to torment themselves with reproaches and experience regrets about what has been done, happened and (or) ended. To part with the past, you need to understand what binds you to it and what is difficult to give up. What gives intrusive thoughts a taste of bitterness and nostalgia can be called loss. Clinical psychologist Yulia Zakharova suggests conducting a small investigation.
Intrusive nostalgic thoughts: we are convinced that it will never be as good as in the past, – pictures of a happy time are constantly scrolling in my head.
Determine exactly what period of life, what events and people cause regret that all this is already in the past. The result will be your loss.
Ask yourself how you would feel if you could go back in time. Write down on paper all the advantages (physical, psychological, material nature) that you get from returning the lost. Then ask yourself what you are missing right now. Now put in front of you a list of pluses and what you lack. Ask yourself the question several times: how in real life could you make up for this lack. Write down the different ways you can get what you’re missing.
Change your angle. For example, after a serious injury, someone nostalgically recalls how a couple of weeks ago he easily ran ten kilometers. But if he takes as a starting point not his life before the traumatic incident, but the state immediately after it, the perception will change. “I couldn’t get out of bed then, but now I can walk to the store, not quickly, but myself.” In this way, we can shift our attention from the loss to the opportunities that are available to us in the present.
It’s hard to move on when the past won’t let go
Bitter thoughts: constant regrets and remorse, failures and unresolved conflicts. It’s hard to move on when the past doesn’t let go. Determine what events or people regularly cause you negative feelings. What emotions awaken in you with such thoughts? (Anger, shame, pain…) What conclusions come to mind at this moment? (“I’m a worthless person”, “I’m not lucky”, “I always make the wrong choice”)
Try to imagine that you do not need to think about all this anymore. Now you wake up and you don’t care anymore. How would you live then? What would interest you? What would you think? Feel the joy of being rid of this burden.
Ask yourself now what could you afford. What really important thing do you miss when you are distracted by heavy thoughts about the past? Think about what you can start changing now, without waiting for parting with the past. Write down all the ideas that come to mind, this will speed up the parting with bitter thoughts.