Tutta Larsen decided to share her personal experience with Woman’s Day, weigh all the pros and cons of joint childbirth, and also talk about how to prepare for a partner childbirth.
I gave birth to my children with my husband. But I’ll start by saying that my husband himself expressed a desire to be present at the birth. This is the first important point! I think that you should not insist on the presence of your husband at childbirth, if he himself does not want it and is not ready for such an experience.
If you nevertheless decide to give birth together, then immediately it is worth discussing the degree of participation of the spouse… Often the women themselves do not want the spouse to see all the details of the process; it is enough for them that he just be there or hold the hand. I had just such a case. The husband was there, but was not directly involved in the process. Although I know men who meet their children with a camera, film and observe the whole process, and this does not negatively affect them in any way.
Another important point: it is better to prepare for joint childbirth… I always advocate that both women and men go to special courses and know what will happen during childbirth. It is useful for both moms and dads.
We made the final decision to give birth together only after my husband went to the courses with me, found out all the details, understood what awaited him, and did not change his mind.
Many people wonder: and how, in fact, can a spouse help in childbirth? Some doctors argue that if the husband is ready for the process, does not get scared and does not faint, then there really is a benefit from him. Firstly, for many women it is very important to have a loved one nearby. Someone takes a mother for childbirth, someone a doula, and someone a spouse. Secondly, sometimes during childbirth a woman falls into such a deranged state that she ceases to perceive and listen to doctors, but if her husband talks to her, then she perceives and listens to him.
Joint labor is useful or not – the question is very individual. In my case, definitely – yes. This brought me and my spouse even closer, this is a completely different depth of feelings and love for each other. But there is a perception that for some men, such an experience is traumatic. Although I personally do not know such stories among my friends and acquaintances. Mostly this experience has been positive. I’ll return to where I started: if a man is not initially ready, then it is probably better not to take risks and thereby protect him from negative consequences.
It should be borne in mind that what suits one person may not suit another at all.
Of course, it’s great for the father to meet his child with you, cut the umbilical cord and be the first to take the baby in his arms after mom. But even if this does not happen, it does not make your spouse a bad father and does not mean that people have some kind of different relationship.
If you have not yet decided whether joint childbirth is right for you or not, see the TUTTA program. TV on this topic. Our experts weigh the pros and cons of partner delivery.