Troubled introvert

An introvert is a person who is turned inward and is primarily interested in his inner world. There are many outstanding personalities among introverts: philosophers, theorists and people of art, but another type of introvert, a problematic introvert, is much less pleased with himself and those around him.

A problematic introvert, looking inward, and not at people and the world, loses contact with the outside world. The range of attention of an introvert is from 30 to 40 cm, he does not seem to see further, while the beam of attention goes inward, towards himself. Outwardly, he seems to be looking at you, but his gaze does not reach you, the beam of his attention seems to be bent inward, as a result of which he looks mainly inside himself.

This is a person, for example, with such a face (see the video “The Face of a Problematic Introvert”). What do you think, what are his chances with such a face — to love, with such a face to be happy, to be attentive? Is it easy to be loved with such a face? He has a very characteristic face of a man turned inward. He does not look at the world, he does not see people and reality — he lives only inside himself and turns out to be less worldly and socially adapted.

A problematic introvert is often confused with an unsociable person: this is inaccurate. Among introverts there are also sociable specimens, although in general introverts are indeed more closed and less sociable than extroverts. The peculiarity of a problematic introvert is that his communication is not adequate: looking more into himself, it is difficult to see and feel the interlocutor, and this makes communication more problematic.

It is more difficult for a problematic introvert to establish contact. When listening to a partner, such a person interprets too much and too complicated, instead of hearing what is being said to him. And sometimes he does not hear at all, immersed in himself. Problematic introverts are less expressive, more difficult to express feelings outwardly and more likely to have negative experiences.

Can this personality trait be changed?

With problematic introversion, you can work in two directions: making introversion less problematic or developing extrovert traits in a person. The first is easier, the second is more promising.

If a strong person sets himself the development of the traits of an extrovert as a serious task, everything is real. It is really possible to acquire the skill and skill so that it is easy and natural for a person to look people in the eye, to hear a partner, and not his glitches about this, to be open in expressing feelings (especially positive ones) — and so on along the list of skills that an extrovert has developed.

On the other hand, if a particular person can hardly be called strong, and his introversion is seriously pronounced, at the level of personal accentuation, then it is almost impossible to remove it. It is easier to look for an opportunity to accommodate this personality trait by finding a job in life where extroversion is not required.

In any case, it is quite difficult to change this personality trait on your own. Firstly, few people are really ready to change (have the desire and skills), and secondly, this particular personality trait is more difficult to change than others. It seems more effective to work in a training group under the guidance of an experienced trainer, where the efforts of a person are directed and receive adequate support.

However, not all trainings are suitable for problem introverts. Hard trainings and many practices aimed at listening to oneself and experiencing inner experience can be dangerous for them. There are fears that meditative practices, psychoanalysis (including Jungian psychotherapy) and Gestalt therapy in this case will not only not be useful, but may contribute to the further development of introversion↑. More useful are trainings of a behavioral and personal-active orientation (NLP, Sinton approach).

If we are talking about negative experiences that are characteristic of a problematic introvert, then it is useful to work out the “Good” exercise. It is quite real, it turns out almost everyone. Who wants, of course. See Developing Extraversion