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Sometimes it seems to us that money is slipping through our fingers. Didn’t have time to look back, and half of the salary evaporated. Then we scold ourselves and turn on the total economy mode from Monday, denying ourselves even small pleasures. How to avoid extremes and get satisfaction from financial investments?
“Why did I buy this dress, I already have two of these, I could easily get by!”, “How long will it last?”, “It seems that I just entered the store, and now I found myself at the checkout with a full cart of groceries!” – such thoughts come to the mind of many of us. Added to this is the universal sadness when paying taxes and utility bills. And sometimes it is not clear whether we manage money or vice versa.
“If we spend money just like that, then this is a hole in the soul,” says Marik Khazin, Doctor of Psychology, Expressive Therapist, Gestalt Therapist. – Try to see your financial turnover in full: there are no expenses without income. We have nothing to give if we do not earn.
There are two aortas in our heart, and both of them are constantly working. If even one of them stops for a couple of minutes, our life will stop. The situation is the same with money: when we give, we launch an inflow of funds. And it’s better to train both sides – to be kind to yourself and kind to others, to take and give.”
Psychotherapists and financial management experts tell you how to distribute money and regain joy and peace.
1. Think about your purpose
The way we handle money is indicative of how we handle life in general. “Money is a somewhat taboo topic, it’s not customary to talk about it,” remarks Marik Khazin, “but it reflects our path and is connected with the unconscious. Money is subject to our purpose. Therefore, the first thing you can do to manage them is to ask yourself: what is our mission, why did we come into the world? And each time to check how the expenses correspond to the intended purpose.
How?
For example, you want to buy a shirt. Ask yourself: Why do I need this shirt? Or you decide to pay for a course to become a nurse. Think about why you are giving away your savings, whether this is your purpose or, perhaps, your grandmother was a nurse and said that this profession is a guarantee of being in demand. What do you think?
Look deep, study what this purchase or investment is for, whether it will create energy, whether it will prolong life, whether it will increase well-being.
What is useful?
You will feel more confident knowing that spending is not random and that it helps you move towards the goals you set for yourself. You may start choosing healthier food and information.
2. Distribute and conquer
The information space is oversaturated with advertising. A modern smartphone model, a trendy dress… We are convinced that we will not be able to maintain our status without new acquisitions. But we cannot buy everything at once, we have to make a choice, giving up something that seems no less necessary. There is anxiety.
“In the consumer society, we join the race of competition,” explains Svetlana Gorbach, systemic family and body-oriented therapist, business thinking development coach. — But in this race you cannot become a winner: new models of cars, smartphones, clothing collections will constantly appear. We can only ask ourselves: what will be enough for me personally? And start controlling costs.
How?
Distribute all financial resources that you receive from different sources into three parts (or envelopes): the main one (about 80%), savings (about 10%) and “for little joys” (about 10%). Spend the finances of the main account on the essentials. Just save your savings or invest, let them bring dividends. And feel free to spend money “for joy” on whatever you want.
What is useful?
Anxiety will decrease, you will be able to more easily control spending on all three items.
3. Give yourself a gift
“How could I buy a theater ticket? We are doing repairs, we need building materials!” Guilt about spending arises for two reasons, says Marik Khazin: “First, we don’t have enough money, and we are afraid that we won’t even have enough for what we need; the second is that we were born into a family where there were not enough means for a comfortable life, and now we cannot afford to spend on something that is not related to basic necessities.
But if we do not please ourselves with small presents, pleasure gradually disappears from life. We receive money, distribute, invest. But we do it as if on the machine.
How?
Ask yourself: what would make you happy? Don’t look at what makes others happy. For one it will be an interesting book, and for another it will be a ticket to the planetarium. Give yourself a gift, sincerely, from the bottom of your heart.
What is useful?
Joy will add energy, turn on the drive. It will be easier for you to work and earn.
4. Take care of your health
You can’t buy health – that’s a well-known saying. But the cost of maintaining health always pays off, says gestalt therapist and financial advisor Natalya Zhukova. Traditionally, we take care of physical health, not always remembering the mental.
As a result, if we strive to change something in life, we do not find the strength. There are no resources to realize their professional goals, to deal with children. We feel emotionally drained, weak, psychologically unstable. Sometimes we stop believing in ourselves. All these signs warn that it is time to pay attention to your health.
How?
Think about what will help you recover resources. Look deep into yourself. You may want to buy a self-help book and seek support from a specialist. Or feelings will tell you that in the first place you do not have enough outdoor recreation. Or maybe the primary care for the body: the purchase of quality products, a warm blanket. Everything is individual.
What is useful?
The energy and desire to move on will return, changing life for the better.
5. Live one day without shopping
Some people have a need to constantly buy something. When the goal is no longer important, but the process: you want to go to your favorite sites every day, fill the basket again and again and click “Pay”. We calm down with online shopping when we are upset, but this behavior only brings temporary relief.
How?
In this case, Natalya Zhukova suggests: “Ask yourself: what, besides shopping, will help you calm down? It could be a walk, a conversation with a friend, a favorite movie.”
When ordering goods, make it a rule to pay for them no earlier than 72 hours later. This will help to distract and then soberly decide whether you need IKEA polka dot curtains or a blue shark the size of half a sofa. And finally, live one day without money at all. For example, you can go to a park or forest on a bicycle instead of a car; do not spend money on buying coffee, but take a thermos with you.
What is useful?
Taking a day off from money will help you understand that we are coping with anxiety and are able to limit messy spending.