Most of us would not be able to tell about our origin in detail. At best, we know grandparents. However, it would be a mistake to underestimate the importance of the clan and its history in the fate of every person. About why we need to know about our own roots, what family scripts are transmitted unconsciously and whether they can be changed, in the article by Elena Sivkova.
Four generations ago, in the early thirties, a misfortune happened in my family: my great-grandmother, then a young woman, drowned. And in each subsequent generation – and there are already four of them – children are sent to learn to swim. What looks like a healthy tradition is an echo of a long-standing family trauma.
The history of the family influences us, whether we like it or not. It is impossible to exist only in the present moment, because all life, including human life, is woven from cause-and-effect relationships. The past influences the present. There is no future yet, but the present and the past can also determine its scenarios.
“Family Luggage”
Sometimes even before birth, the burden of parental expectations falls on the child. Maurice Poro’s The Substitute Child describes the phenomenon of children being born to “take the place” of a previously deceased sibling. Salvador Dali was born after the death of the first child of his parents. “I had to prove to myself that I am not my dead brother, but myself, alive,” the artist wrote.
The child is affected by the emotional state and health of the mother during pregnancy, not to mention genetics, which transmits a lot. When we are born, we invade the family system, significantly changing it.
A meeting from the maternity hospital in many families is a solemn event for which all relatives gather. It becomes a ritual of accepting a new member. Each of the relatives places certain hopes on him or, conversely, projects negative expectations.
Psychiatrists Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung and others have explored the mechanisms of unconscious transmission of family psychological “heritage”. By bringing these problems to a conscious level and working through them, a person can change the scenarios received from the family.
Psychologist, Gestalt therapist Natalya Abalmasova notes: “Each family has its own myths and values, unspoken prescriptions regarding lifestyle, professional activities, and life choices. Family values and support can be a great resource for a person, but they can also limit their individual growth.
The family system affects its members significantly and sometimes implicitly. To go against her, to risk breaking accepted norms, can be difficult and fraught with the loss of belonging to the family. For example, in a family of hereditary doctors, a young man who has chosen the profession of a cook may meet with sharp condemnation.
Or, if the family believes in the myth “we are heroes”, it is considered worthy to “burn at work”, be sure to conquer mountain peaks or skydive. And if a person is not ready to leave the office in an ambulance in the process of performing labor feats, then among relatives he will be considered a weakling and an extra link.
Or certain feelings may be forbidden in the family – for example, you can’t be sad or angry. And then a person is forced to “put on a smile” in the circle of relatives and artificially switch to fun when sadness is in his soul.
Generational trauma
In some cases, the historical situation affects a huge number of families, and then we can talk about generational trauma. You can read more about this from the psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya. Explaining how causality works here, she gives the following example. During the period of great upheaval at the beginning of the XNUMXth century, many families in our country experienced famine – this is a serious trauma.
Their children read the anxiety of their parents, the topic of food for them was linked to fear and stress. And the next generation faced the fact that they were “fed”, sometimes reaching violence. The children resisted the pressure, grew up and became moody and picky about their food choices. And then their little children could hear from their parents that they eat too much and get fat. Such is the echo of trauma, unconsciously passed down through generations.
“Keep Roots”
As the root system allows a tree to remain stable, so the knowledge of the origin can give a person a sense of support. We are social beings, and the closest part of society to us is the family.
Knowledge about ancestors can give a sense of belonging, which is very important for self-identification. In any family, there were those who should be proud, and this can inspire. The mistakes of the ancestors, subjected to reasonable analysis, can indicate what should be avoided. And knowledge about hereditary diseases and patterns will help take care of mental and physical health.
“The influence of the clan, family on an individual in a traditional society has been very strong and decisive for centuries,” adds Natalia Abalmasova. — Gradually, this influence and ties weakened, and today individualistic tendencies dominate.
The family hierarchy has also undergone significant changes, modern parents listen to the opinion of children as equal members of the family. And in the field of digital technologies, we have a unique situation where the younger generation is often more competent and knowledge is transferred from the younger to the older, and not vice versa.”
From the photographs on the wall, those whose role in my life was really important look at me. Ancestors live in me with bright memories or insults, words of support or silence. Manifested in the shape of the nose and the color of the hair. And they give me the feeling that there are many generations behind me who, just like me, lived, searched, loved and left something in this world after themselves.