“… It must not be ignored that false neurotic paths become ingrained habits and that, despite all understanding, they do not disappear until they are replaced by other habits that can only be acquired through training.” (Jung K. G. Problems of the soul of our time. 1993, p. 27).
If a person has psychological difficulties, he is usually referred to a psychotherapist. This is a tradition, it has been established for quite a long time, but what happens to a person there, in psychotherapy? The simplest and most natural answer is that a person is treated there. They treat mental pain, free from addictions or unjustified feelings of guilt, help to find strength so that a person meets future life difficulties more prepared. This is sometimes really necessary, but the orientation to “treat” as the main one is rather erroneous. It is true that many clients really like being treated, but it would be more useful for them if they were taught: how to build relationships competently, how to establish contacts at work and with loved ones, how to manage their emotions … Actually, responsible psychotherapists they are well aware of this and to a large extent they do it one way or another.
A well-known critic of the established traditions of psychotherapy and a defender of the rights of clients, lawyer Lawrence Stevens, it is no coincidence that in his review of confessions of the educational nature of psychological assistance, A. Ellis was the first to mention: “In his book The New Guide to Rational Life, Albert Ellis, PhD, New York psychologist, and Robert A. Harper, Ph.D., say they follow «an educational rather than a psychodynamic or medical model of psychotherapy.»
In his book Prepare, Tune in to Make Psychotherapy Successful for You, psychotherapist and professor of psychology, Ph.D. Harvey L. Saxton writes, “What is psychotherapy? Psychotherapy is simply a matter of relearning. Relearning involves abandoning obsolete concepts and becoming familiar with new and feasible ones. Patients are, in a sense, like students; they need the ability and willingness to participate in the relearning process.”
In When Talk Isn’t Cheap, or How to Find the Right Doctor When You Don’t Know Where to Start, psychotherapist Mandy Aftel and Ph.D. Professor Robin Lakoff say, «Therapy…is a form of education. Since so-called psychotherapy is a form of education and not therapy, what you need is not a doctor or physician, but a person qualified to educate you in the area in which you are having difficulty. Someone who claims to be an expert through a «professional» psychotherapy training program will rarely, if ever, be the best adviser for you» (Document from http://elena.romek.ru).
In any case, healing or teaching is not the only choice. If a person has an injury, first they give him first aid, only then they treat him, and even later they teach him how to avoid injuries.
If a client comes to us, as a specialist psychologist, for an elementary consultation, then we do not need to teach him or treat him. “Which psychologist would you recommend to contact for such and such an issue?” — «To Ivanov Ivan Ivanovich, write down the phone number.» All. Or “How often should you record your affairs when tracking time?” — «15 minutes is the optimal frequency!» — Similarly: a person needed information — we gave it. If this is called «teaching», then in the simplest sense, as additional information, and not in the sense of mastering new knowledge or teaching new skills. Fortunately or unfortunately, but more often people come to psychologists with more difficult requests, where simple information will no longer be enough. If the client complains “I object all the time. What should I do?» — it is clear that the recommendation «Stop objecting» is not good. And then the psychologist faces a choice: treat a person, or teach him?
In accordance with the synton approach, the correct sequence of work with somehow adequate people is Teach — Treat — Teach. Let’s try to teach first. If the training does not pass and we encounter problems that require treatment, we treat. We healed — we complete the work again with training.
Where a person can be both taught and treated, you need to start with training. Psychotherapy should be connected only if the training stalls, turns out to be ineffective.
For example?
If a person objects a lot, but wants to teach himself constructive communication, you need to start not with treatment, not with psychotherapy, but with practicing the Total YES exercise. If it turned out to be successful, everything is fine, this is useful study and psychotherapy is not needed. And if suddenly a person has difficulties — either in general, or on certain topics, or with certain people, and the reasons are not clear, then you need to figure it out again. And, perhaps, psychotherapy is already needed here.
Perhaps the training came across some blocks, internal limitations, intrapersonal problems, the person underwent the necessary psychotherapy and removed the interfering blocks. All? No. Removing the blocks does not mean learning the necessary skills, just as a traffic-free highway does not mean you have arrived at your destination. Now, when nothing prevents a person from learning, study should be continued and completed.
The person was helped to understand his conditional benefits from objections, he was freed from the desire to object. But if now he no longer has the desire to object, he has not yet acquired the ability to listen, hear and competently agree with the interlocutor. Now this can and should be learned.
A person was always drawn to the negative, he always saw the bad both in himself and in others. A good psychotherapist worked with this problem and successfully solved this problem associated with difficult situations in childhood. A person is no longer attracted to negativity. Does this mean that this person will become bright, positive and sunny? No. This is a separate work, and whether a person wants to go through a not always easy path to this goal is a separate question.
Psychotherapy may be necessary, but psychotherapy is almost always insufficient. She heals, but does not teach, so you need to complete it with studies.
Tendency to heal or teach
The one who heals more is more likely a psychotherapist. Who teaches more is more likely a psychologist (for example, a coach, consultant or psychologist-trainer).
Vision of a psychotherapist: “If a person has come, then something is preventing him from moving towards his goals.” A person has some blocks, some internal personal limitations. And this is not just a lack of specific knowledge, it is something systemic that prevents one from gaining experience. This is something that cannot simply be taught, this is something that needs to be corrected in a person.
Quote attributed to Eric Berne: “Your own psychologist is like your own dentist. Painful, uncomfortable and fraught with complications … «. The psychotherapist does not teach, but corrects and heals.
The vision of a psychologist, or a psychologist-trainer: “If a person has come, it means that he wants to move forward!” We will help with specific knowledge (this is a consultation), we will show you how to enrich yourself with experience more effectively, how to become one who knows and can teach others (psychological training, learning universal skills). Psychologist-trainer does not heal, but teaches.
If at a training on family relations the leader talks about a variety of family problems and, most importantly, about their causes (people lying in childhood, in their relationships with parents or other relatives, lying in his unconscious), after which procedures are carried out that remove (in some then degree) these reasons, this is a psychotherapeutic work. If the leader of the training tells how healthy relationships are built, relationships with understanding, intimacy and love, and then teaches how to reproduce such relationships in different situations (training is in progress), this is healthy psychology.
“I don’t have a pair yet, why do I need training?” “The training is right for you. If you already have a couple, most likely your relationship has already developed and is not quite optimal. It is optimal for those who are just planning to build relationships, who are still learning!”
The situation is similar when dealing with fears. You can simply remove the fears of the client, but without us the client will not be able to repeat this procedure — you cured, but did not teach. This is psychotherapy. If we removed the fear, and then taught the client to do it on their own, there was both psychotherapy and the psychology of learning. If initially they were taught to work with fears, and the client removed his fear on his own, the psychology of learning (development) took place without psychotherapy.
Ascertain yourself or remake yourself
A stating and rather psychotherapeutic approach is to take a person for granted. It is what it is. And look for opportunities such as it is, the personality in the best way to adapt to life. The second approach, more active and more often characteristic of developmental psychology, states that the personality is a project. See →