Psychological diagnosis for oneself and for others has recently become very fashionable. Suddenly everyone is talking about “trauma”, “toxic relationship” and “depression”. But do we really know what these terms mean? Psychologists explain how to use them so as not to hurt yourself or the other person.
- Mental disorders are an increasingly common problem. In Germany, the demand for the services of psychologists, psychotherapists and psychiatrists significantly exceeds the capabilities of specialists
- Although the majority of those in real need require the support of a specialist, there are people who over-interpret their behavior and abuse words such as “depression”, “anxiety disorders” or “trauma”
- According to experts, the misuse of these terms is greatly influenced by social media, where they are embedded in the context of ordinary, everyday situations that in no way reflect the essence of the problem
- The consequences can be dire. – Misuse of the term “toxic” trivializes genuinely toxic relationships. The real victims feel concerned about this and wonder if they can imagine their oppression – explains Christoph Uhl, the therapist of couples
- More information can be found on the Onet homepage
Author: Lena Karger / The World
Many people in Germany want to undergo therapy, but there are no places where they could apply. According to psychologist Ulrike Lüken since the beginning of the pandemic, the demand for psychotherapy has increased by as much as about 40%. The shortage of specialists is terrifying, and the high demand for their services clearly shows that mental illness does not leave such a mark as it did a few years ago. Publicizing mental health problems is becoming more and more popular on social media such as TikTok and Instagram, and materials with the keywords “depression”, “trauma” or “ADHD” gain thousands of likes.
On the one hand, it’s good, say psychologists, because people get rid of resistance and are more willing to seek help. On the other hand, however, there is a risk that they will pathologize themselves and the environment, that is, assess normal feelings as pathological. Most of them do not understand the meaning of terms such as “narcissistic” or “toxic”. That’s why we spoke to six experts who not only explain these words, but also point out why a lack of care in using them could turn out to be a problem.
1. Anxiety (fear)
This English term is also used to describe anxiety. He informed about his experiences with them in 2021, among others Hollywood actor Ryan Reynolds. In an Instagram post he wrote: “To all those who, like me, think too much, work too much, worry too much and do too much: you are not alone.” The post collected over a million likes.
In fact, anxiety disorders are common, explains psychologist Ulrike Lüken, who studies the topic at Humboldt University in Berlin. Nevertheless, the disorder should not be confused with normal anxiety.
«The term ‘anxiety’ comes from the English language and in German it simply means ‘fear’. In English, there is a difference between fear and anxiety. Fear is a reaction to a specific threat. I’m afraid of the spider I see on the wall. Anxiety is more of a fear of waiting: I don’t go down to the basement because I think there might be a spider.
But fear is not a disorder, but a healthy feeling. If we weren’t afraid, we’d all be dead by now. It is normal for many people to feel higher levels of anxiety in times of a pandemic or war. Only when the fear is very strong, there is no apparent reason, and it changes behavior, becomes an anxiety disorder«.
It is dangerous to use these terms ambiguously. «Many people report feeling anxious or depressed while experiencing only normal mood swings. Defining the boundary is important to know when a mental disorder needs treatment ».
However, it’s not that most people only think they have an anxiety disorder. «Almost everyone who comes to our clinic meets the disorder criteria. And we have no way of accepting all these people. The situation is dramatic »says Lüken.
2. Depression
Anxiety disorders can also be associated with depression. According to a survey from 2021, about 20 percent employees in Germany have already been diagnosed with depression. Another 19 percent. she suspects she is sick but has not yet been diagnosed. If you call the depression hotline, all lines are normally busy. Recently, stars such as Kurt Krömer and Ronja von Rönne have spoken out publicly about their depression. The problem is big and the help offered by German public centers is insufficient.
No wonder that for many people a simple way to search and exchange information is to use Internet resources. There are influencers like gini.eat.world who publish information about their condition under the hashtag #MentalHealth. The hashtag “depression” on TikTok has over 140 million views. According to Lüken, especially when faced with the main problem, it is important not to use the term depression selectively and not to soften it in everyday language.
«Depression is an affective disorder (ie, an emotional experience) that is characterized by low mood, loss of interest, and a lack of energy. The same rule applies here as with fear: everyone has mood swings, which is perfectly normal. Only when the symptoms are inadequately severe, last for at least two weeks and impair everyday life, can one speak of depression»Says Lüken.
Further part below the video.
3. ADHD
An Instagram post from gini.eat.world reads: “What challenge are you hiding under this beautiful Thursday?”, Below is the hashtag #adhdproblems. ADHD is not only a disease of children. It is also common among adults. There is a lot of information and tips on this topic on social media. The American YouTube channel “How to ADHD” explains the exact meaning of the term and gives advice on how to deal with the disorder in everyday life. Typical features of ADHD are attention deficit disorder and forgetfulness. The #adhd hashtag has been viewed over 10 billion times on TikTok.
“The disorder has been increasingly diagnosed in Germany in recent decades,” says psychiatrist Eike Ahlers, chief physician of the Department of Psychiatry and Psychotherapy at the Johanniter Hospital in Treuenbrietzen, an expert on ADHD in adults. “ADHD is not a ‘fashionable disease’, it is common. We estimate that about 1,5 percent. adults meet the criteria for this disorder. That’s a lot«.
A distinction is made between ADHD and ADD, but both belong to the same disorder. «ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) is a mental disorder characterized by impaired attention span, hyperactivity and impulsiveness. There is no hyperactivity in ADD. Dreamers suffer from them, people who are always with their thoughts elsewhere. Attention deficit occurs in both forms and is mainly characterized by the difficulty in focusing attention on the task at hand, ”says Ahlers. Currently, a lot of research is carried out to answer the question about the biological source of the disorder. To do this, electrical signals in the brain, voice data, and the body’s motor functions are measured.
Ahlers sees the benefits of spreading the term: “Perhaps it will give more people the courage to seek help. Many do not believe that mental disorders can be the cause of their problems in everyday life. They think they just don’t fit in with the others ».
Primarily important is education that can help people with the disorder. If ADHD goes undetected, it often leads to secondary illnesses such as depression, anxiety disorders or addiction such as alcohol. “Patients also often have problems with self-esteem, they feel mismatched, they feel deprived of energy,” says Ahlers. «Influencers can also help if they say: ‘Look, I have the same problem and it helped me.’ No one should be pushed in one direction. Everyone who is sick is different. What helps one person may not be good for everyone ”.
4. Narcissism
When it comes to mental illnesses such as anxiety disorders, depression and ADHD, users of TikTok and Instagram often share their feelings by turning them into a joke or motivational video. It is a bit different with narcissism. When TikTok talks about “toxic” ex-relationships, the ex is often referred to as a “narcissist”. The psychologist Claas-Hinrich Lammers finds an attribution here that you should watch out for. For him, the term has wrong connotations.
“The problem with the term ‘narcissus’ is that the transition from normal to disorder is smooth. Everyone has narcissistic traits. Some have more of them, others less. Disorder occurs when people lack empathy and need to be constantly better than others. People with narcissistic disorder see themselves very positively and others very negatively. They are characterized by increased self-esteem and the belief that they are smarter and better. Other people are only means to an end for them, and they only need them to be admired ”.
According to Lammers, people with strongly narcissistic personality traits can be viewed positively as long as they are empathetic and accepting others side by side. They are people who are confident and healthyly proud of their achievements, who take decisions with courage when they face new tasks and challenges. «In that sense Mother Teresa and Gandhi probably had narcissistic personality traits too. They were ambitious in their own way and they found themselves in the spotlight«.
However, in everyday language, narcissism has become a weapon that people use to attack others. «Calling someone a narcissist touches his whole personality. We know from psychology that people’s behavior can often be explained not so much by their personality as by the appropriate situational context. Thomas Gottschalk is not a narcissist as he shows up on a TV show. The context of the scene requires it. Privately, it can be completely different.
The phenomenon of devaluation of people with psychiatric diagnoses is not new. The ex-boyfriend is always seen as a narcissist, and the ex-girlfriend as a hysterical. You apply such concepts to people you don’t like, thus rising morally above them. But what is the value of it? This, after all, suggests: I am right and my partner is angry. This is not very helpful, and in most cases it is not true at all ”.
5. Toxicity
The phrase “toxic relationship” is often used to refer to “narcissistic” ex-partners. This usually means that the former partner has been emotionally abusing the person. Couples therapist Christoph Uhl sees three problems with the careless use of the term.
“Firstly, the misuse of the term ‘toxic’ trivializes genuinely toxic relationships. The real victims feel concerned about this and wonder if they can imagine their oppression. This makes it difficult for them to respond adequately to toxic attacks. Second, arbitrary attributions devalue alleged perpetrators and victims. The alleged perpetrator becomes a victim of claims made about him, and the alleged victim is denied the opportunity to make his own assessment and resolve the situation on his own. Paradoxically, the ‘victim’ becomes the victim only in this way. Third, everyday conflicts are needlessly dramatized. This makes it difficult for partners to solve problems independently and competently ».
According to Lammers, there is no binding definition, but there is general agreement among experts. A relationship is toxic when “there is a serious gap between two partners in meeting their needs”.
«One partner is ‘more important’ than the other. In addition, a neglected partner is responsible for making things right for the dominant partner. This creates a pattern of (self) glorification of one partner and devaluation of the other. Toxic relationships are characterized by excessive criticism, blame, humiliation, control, and ignorance. Toxic partners are perceived as demanding, threatening, conflict-seeking, manipulative and harmful.
But not every relationship that appears to be dominated by a partner is equally toxic. Not every unhappy relationship is also toxic. Unhappy love can have many causes. Persisting tensions and crises often lead to mutual criticism, reproach and selfishness.
A partnership should only be described as toxic when one partner experiences the behavior of the other partner as dominant, abusive and harmful over an extended period of time. As a result, his mental and physical health suffers ”.
6. Manipulation
In 1938, the British playwright Patrick Hamilton wrote the play “Gaslight” (in Germany, staged as “Lady Alquist’s House”). The husband tries to drive his wife crazy by accusing her of various things, contradicting previous statements and making up memories. He manipulates her to such an extent that she no longer trusts her own feelings and thoughts.
The title of the work (Eng. “The Extinguishing Flame” – ed.) Made its way into the colloquial language to accurately describe a certain type of manipulation. There are many videos on TikTok that describe popular phrases used by manipulators: “I don’t know what you’re talking about”, “You’re oversensitive”, “Your memory is failing” … The #gaslighting hashtag also has over a billion views on TikTok.
Christoph Uhl sees similar problems here as with toxic attribution. «Manipulation is when a person systematically rejects or ignores the individual perception of another person. The victim’s judgment and understanding of reality are consistently dismissed as ‘wrong’. As a result, the victim starts to question their mental health and stops trusting themselves. It is especially important that the perpetrator and the victim are in a relationship of dependency or trust (e.g. as a life partner or as a boss / employee). The perpetrator seeks – often unconsciously – to control his victim through manipulation, that is, exercising power over him.
The term “manipulation” is also often used in an imprecise and confusing manner. Part of any healthy relationship (be it love, friendship, or work) is having different and conflicting opinions and views. Engaged discussions about what is “truth” or what is “right” is not an attempt to manipulate the other person, but an expression of a living relationship. Only when the individual experience and self-defined perception of a person are systematically and increasingly rejected, and the victim has a disproportionately strong self-doubt, one should talk about manipulation«.
7. Trauma
On TikToku you can also come across a number of materials related to the term “trauma”. They range from sexual abuse or parental divorce to the olfactory shock of entering the bathroom after the father has used the toilet. The number of views of the #trauma hashtag on TikTok shows how much the term has become part of everyday language. It has been shown over eight billion times.
The head of the Trauma Therapy Institute in Berlin, Oliver Schubbe, believes that it is worth expanding this concept. “By definition, traumatic is an event characterized by a confrontation with imminent or actual death, serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity (eg sexual violence) of oneself or others”. Such trauma can lead to psychological problems / disorders. Of course, this definition is constantly discussed in the professional community. “I think it makes a lot of sense to broaden the concept of trauma,” says Schubbe.
“Anything that leads to mental harm can be described as traumatic on the victim’s side and as violence on the offender’s side. For me trauma is an event that could not be processed and that worries the victim today. The person becomes flooded with emotions as soon as they mention the event. The younger the person, the less it is enough to store the experience as a trauma. In children, it is easier to influence memory processing, especially in the first two years of life. In adults, the event must be more life-threatening in order for it to become traumatic ».
Generation researcher Rüdiger Maas believes that these terms are circulating so intensively today as a typical feature of children born in the 90s. and in the first decade of the XNUMXst century. The reason is social media.
«As soon as you enter the social media space, other mechanisms are at work. There is another form of fix, most often in the form of video recommendations. This can be seen, for example, in forums where there are conspiracy theories that no one denies. In addition, posts tend to be emotional because they work better then. Users notice that when they publish emotionally, they use certain emotion-triggering words, such as ‘narcissus’, for example, they get more likes and more attention. And the more people do it, the more they think it’s the right way to publish. Most people, however, are unaware of the meaning of the words they are using.
Unlike the real world where people disagree with you, TikTok is often clouded with unanimous opinions. It is also interesting that YouTube has provided a “I don’t like” button, which is used mostly by younger users. The older ones, when they don’t like the video, usually need to unload and write a comment. Generation Z doesn’t understand it. If they don’t like a movie, they find it a waste of time to watch and comment on it ».
Psychologists agree that de-stigmatizing mental illness is important. Simultaneously there is a tendency to trivialize concepts that makes them irrelevant and the real victims suffer, wondering if they are overdoing it. The line between healthy feelings and disorder is becoming blurred. “It is important that people with mental health problems be treated, and whether something is a mental disorder or not, it was decided by a specialist and generally accepted criteria,” says fear researcher Ulrike Lüken.
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