It’s hard to be grateful for what we have by default: today and every day. We just take it for granted. However, having experienced the loss, we get the opportunity to look at our lives from a new perspective. Often we only realize how important something was to us when we lose it.
“Psychological trauma and loss can sharpen our sense of gratitude,” says clinical psychologist Bret Moore. “Of course, we are talking about a real loss that we mourn. Sometimes we can learn gratitude only by losing something that is really important to us.”
When we experience trauma, we go through a paradoxical period of personal growth that can take many forms. For example, grief often teaches us gratitude. But development after trauma is not an easy process, especially when it comes to very difficult losses: the death of a loved one, missed opportunities, disappointment in core values. It will take time to realize what important lessons we can learn from this loss. In addition, we begin to appreciate more what we have not lost, what is left with us: health, material wealth, relationships.
An important lesson that many people who experience loss learn for themselves is that life still has a lot to give us. Often, after what happened, new life priorities arise or those that have been “dormant” for a long time somewhere in the depths suddenly surface. “For many people who have experienced severe trauma, even the simplest joys of life (the smell of morning coffee, children’s laughter) begin to be perceived as priceless gifts,” explains Bret Moore.
Loss can be the impetus for change
Faced with a loss: real (death of a loved one), or imagined (fear of a possible betrayal of a partner), we begin to think about how valuable and fleeting life is. It forces us to take a fresh look at our priorities, to ask ourselves what it means for us to perceive life in its entirety.
The loss, which became the impetus for change, poses new questions for us, to which we are forced to look for answers: “What is really important to me?”, “What is more important — relationships or material values?”, “What would I regret if Would you know that I’m going to die today?» Of course, these are not easy questions, but it is necessary to think about them.
When faced with actual or potential loss, we often experience a sudden and intense taste of life. “I had to work with many combat veterans, and I heard from them more than once how, having narrowly escaped death, they felt deep gratitude for the fact that they were still alive,” recalls Bret Moore. “Other clients I have worked with have said that after going through some kind of horrific event, they felt like they were given a second chance.”
A heightened sense of the value of life after an experienced trauma manifests itself in everyone in their own way.
This newfound gratitude is the key to learning to appreciate life. It gives us the opportunity to stop rushing, stop and, relatively speaking, enjoy the smell of flowers.
A heightened sense of the value of life after an experienced trauma manifests itself in everyone in their own way. “Some are becoming more cautious. “Never again will I rush into danger without thinking things through,” said one veteran. But his comrade-in-arms, who experienced the same thing, learned a completely different lesson for himself: “I will no longer waste precious time and endlessly think about everything, I will take more action and take risks!” Bret Moore shares.
We all somehow understand that our life is finite and, moreover, short. But we truly become aware of our own mortality only when we lose our footing, when we lose our sense of security and stability. This gives us the opportunity to rethink a lot.
The hardships of life are very good at helping us understand what is really important to us. They make you stop, think and really appreciate all the important things that we still have. Unfortunately, often only trouble can “open our eyes”. But adversity happens to each of us, and it is important to remember that we are able not only to survive them, but also to have a fuller and more joyful life.
About the Expert: Bret Moore is a clinical psychologist.