Transform your life: 4 keys to success

I don’t believe in miraculous insight, like in films where the hero suddenly remembers a scene from the past and oops! – discovers that he has completely changed. Also, the birth of a child or a new love is not enough. Change is a slow and gradual process that begins with an assessment of a situation where we may doubt ourselves, question ourselves. It all starts with inner work: you need to listen to yourself, observe. If we are interested in ourselves, then the changes will be more persistent and with greater amplitude than if we simply allow life to mold itself into anything. It’s not about thinking only about yourself and being cut off from the world, but about periods of serene observation of yourself. A good way is to get away from the hustle and bustle, to be away from everyone, to meditate, to go on a walk in the mountains for a week, to live in a retreat. During these periods, we master what we have experienced, learned, understood about ourselves and about the world. This time of detachment is precious. After this stage, a process of change occurs when we take our beliefs and hypotheses developed and compare them with reality. We figure out what we’re doing before jumping back into action. We try options that seem right to us and see if they work in reality. Life changes are not quick. They require months, sometimes years, and multiple revisions.

«Understand what myth owns us»

Tatyana Rebeko, Jungian analyst

If we want change in our lives, we will have to accept that it will be a long and painful journey. The need for change does not arise in one day, discontent as a result of failures, unfulfilled desires, unfulfilled plans accumulates in us for a long time. Therefore, the path to change will not be short. It takes the strength of the ego, the strength of the ‘I’, to dare to step on it and not get off halfway. If we are ready to mobilize all our inner energy, then the next step is to think about what myth (cultural, family, personal) we have. Very often we do not live our lives, but fulfill the expectations of the family, culture, society. It’s like a track: the more we drive on it, the deeper we get stuck. To jump out, you need to stop and think: what is my true «I»? What does it mean to be for yourself and not for others? What am I dreaming about? About wealth, fame, about a prince or a princess? In fairy tale form, our dreams tell us who we are and what we really expect. Once we understand this, we need to pay close attention to the «accidents» that will occur. These are clues from the unconscious, they contain the golden grain that we are looking for. Only in real life, unlike dreams, it appears without a fabulous frame. Our task is to be able to see it, not to miss our chance.

“The main thing is to change internally”

Ekaterina Kalmykova, psychoanalyst

If we are not satisfied with life in some way, we think that the whole thing is in unfortunate circumstances. It would be nice if my wife or mother changed, if I had a different boss, if only I could go to another country — and I would immediately live well. In fact, the roots of the problems lie much deeper. It would be worth asking yourself the question: what is my own contribution to what is happening to me? What do I bring to the world, what do I address people with and why do they respond to me like that? If we reflect on this topic, then gradually we will understand: the point is in ourselves. There is something inside us that again and again drives us to a standstill, recreates the same uncomfortable, traumatic or painful conflict in our lives. We found such a way to satisfy our needs for ourselves, and at some point it was optimal. Only today it seems unsuccessful or even destructive. When a person begins to understand that the same need can be satisfied in different ways, including non-traumatic ones, he has the opportunity to change something in his life. He can learn to feel differently, behave differently, and in his family, at work and in life in general, something also begins to change for the better.

Readiness for change is essential

Mark Kukushkin, business coach

Change is a constant of life. Sometimes it is a way to survive in a changing environment (when change is a response to an external threat). Sometimes — a way to overtake everyone (when change is an opportunity). But change is always a way to be and stay alive. That wind of change that does not allow to stagnate, and sometimes turns out to be stormy. But whether it blows in the back or in the face, it is always energy. In my pioneer childhood there was a “test”: “Imagine that you live alone, in the forest, and do not expect anyone to visit. And everything around was covered with snow. Will you clean the paths? As then, in childhood, I think it’s worth cleaning the paths. What matters is the readiness for change. Many changes originate on the outer contours of our lives, our organizations. And we are not always their initiators, sometimes participants, in the worst case, victims. Look for the meaning of the changes for yourself (not “why do I need this”, but “why do I need this”). Speaking to Stanford alumni, Steve Jobs said, «It’s good that I dropped out of college, it’s good that I got fired from Apple.» Treat every change as a chance to start doing and understanding something new. It is important to handle the energy of change with care. I know those who, striving to be «ahead of change», betrayed themselves, burned themselves in the bustle. As you change, be mindful of your boundaries. Get out of the comfort zone, live in the development zone, but be careful with experiments in the danger zone.