It happens that we perceive the behavior of a partner as acceptable simply because we are used to it. Or because it was exactly the same in our last union. But the fact that we are regularly treated in a certain way does not mean that this is normal and acceptable. So how do you recognize in time that it’s time to run out of a relationship?
Many experts rightly dislike the words “toxic”, “narcissist” and “gaslighting” because they have become labels that are often misused.
Reading articles about signs that something is going wrong in a relationship, there is a great risk of giving yourself and your partner a false “diagnosis” simply because some of the signs described in the media are also characteristic of your couple.
The main problem, however, is that, once in a truly toxic relationship, it is extremely difficult to understand that it is they who are extremely difficult, because in most cases the very environment in which we exist is toxic, and all this makes it difficult to see clearly and think soberly, and also undermines self-esteem.
What is meant by toxicity?
Relationships in general are how people in a couple interact with each other. Relationships become toxic when one partner’s sense of self begins to depend entirely on the other. Fear of losing a relationship, violent squabbles and tender reconciliations are an integral part of such a scenario. It seems to partners that this is what it is – true love. But it’s not.
Of course, quarrels arise in any couple, but if the scenario of scandal and truce is repeated over and over again, if regular “drama injections” are necessary to maintain the union, this is a reason to be wary. As well as the fact that you are constantly trying to figure out what you need to do to make your partner happy.
In such a scenario, you inevitably begin to lose yourself and your sense of your own worth and worth. Life becomes anxious and sad, and now you don’t understand how you have come to all this.
3 warning signals
- The partner has completely “absorbed” you: not a single conversation with others can do without mentioning him, and the interlocutors either somehow comment on your “obsession”, or gradually begin to move away from you.
- You cannot imagine life without a partner, you sacrifice a lot for the sake of union with him, and these sacrifices gradually turn into the meaning of your life. Moreover, if you ask you what will remain of her if there is no loved one nearby, you will hardly find an answer.
- You live with the feeling that you are constantly wrong and do everything wrong, that all the quarrels and scandals that occur are because of you. All this is incredibly exhausting, and sometimes you want to move away from your partner.
Alas, when this happens, you begin to worry and feel extremely insecure. It seems to you that this relationship is all that is needed for happiness. But in fact, this is just an anchor that pulls down.
What is a healthy union?
The relationship between two psychologically mature people can be described as independent: two people choose to be together without sacrificing themselves or compromising their own values. Again, it is important that both partners are mature and independent.
It is necessary to keep your career aspirations, friends and not give up ambitions. Without taking care of yourself, it is impossible to build something lasting with another person.
A toxic partner will never enter into an alliance with a psychologically mature, healthy and independent person, because it is impossible to manipulate him, to “spin” him to the necessary emotions.
So, in order to exclude (or confirm the presence of “toxic” traits in yourself), ask yourself, are you ready to give your partner freedom, to “let go” of him or her? Are you ready to give him or her the opportunity to develop and move towards their dreams?
Love is not a prison, it’s a choice, don’t forget that.