They say that all problems grow from childhood. But even if so, this does not mean that you cannot cope with them, you are now an adult and you can work on yourself. How to be and what to do if your experience of communicating with your mother is far from ideal, we will figure it out together with an expert.
“How often do you, as an adult woman, with a career, children, experience, fall into a state of helplessness and insecurity? At this moment, nothing helps: neither the direction of thoughts, nor breathing, nor a real assessment of the situation. I can assume that you feel like a little girl, and the person closest to you – your mother – is the source of danger for you. “
A toxic mother – as it is called in psychology – manifests herself as a woman who does not see the emotions of the child and those around her, does not feel empathy, does not give an opportunity to develop. Several types can be distinguished, but each carries a toxic and toxic effect.
Domineering mother. She knows how best, controls every step, assured you that without her you will be lost and in general “mom is always right.” She does not admit that she is angry and nagging, the opinion of others is too important to her, she believes that you must be perfect.
Neglecting… Such a mother does not see either your merits or experiences. Most likely, from childhood you know about yourself that you are not capable of anything and that you will not succeed.
Mom in symbiosis with the child… She does not believe that a small person can have boundaries, in her speech only: “We ate, we slept, we did our homework.”
Such emotional abuse leaves worse scars than physical ones. As adults, we pretend we have outgrown and forgiven it. Now you can have normal relationships, common family affairs and respect. Or, conversely, protracted conflicts in which you are still not given the opportunity to defend your position.
5 tips for those who have not received enough care from their mother
– Try to leave your mother and start an independent life, learn to love yourself.
– Do only what you get and what you like. Otherwise, mom’s comments will destroy any undertaking.
– Stop entertaining yourself with the illusion that someday mom will change. Will not change, she does not know otherwise.
– Live with someone who feeds you with love, teaches mutual concern.
– Approve yourself. Even when you break your glass, try new words for yourself: “Honey, you’re probably tired. It’s OK”.
If now the relationship allows and you feel the strength to work through childhood grievances, talk to your mother, ask why she was like that. Maybe this question will help her start doing something in a new way, or maybe you will see how tough she is in her position. And this will also be a definite answer.
For painless and comfortable communication, define your boundaries as clearly as possible. You are no longer small and have the right to declare how you can and how you can not.
“Accept your mother as she is,” we psychologists say. But how to do that? Mom does not know how to understand that it will not be otherwise, she has her own pain and her own reasons for such behavior. And, based on the real situation and your current relationship, you will have to make a decision whether you choose a parent from the “adult-adult” position to communicate, support and care for each other. If the relationship cannot be established, then this fact will have to be accepted. For your peace of mind and love for yourself.