We keep quiet about what seems too heavy and painful for us, but at the same time we give vent to our anger and hurt others. We do not want to listen to them and grab “on top” instead of “diving deep.” And most importantly, we believe that this is in the order of things.
5 daily habits of toxic communication
1. Suppressing your feelings and not talking about them
It seems to many that we are lucky to live in a society free from taboos and prohibitions (for the taste of some, even “too free”), but is it really so? Take, for example, talking about death. For a long time they were something quite natural: different generations lived under the same roof and buried their loved ones, but gradually we all moved away from each other.
The pandemic situation has shown how desperately we are trying to avoid topics such as death, aging, grief. Deep down we are afraid of death, and that’s okay. By ceasing to suppress our fear, we will learn to accept it, stop living as if we are immortal, and maybe begin to enjoy every day.
2. Surface attitude
We live in an age of crazy speeds, and this cannot but affect how we relate to life and to each other, how and what we think about. We know too much—which celebrity has divorced whom, which show is about to air, when the next spacecraft is going to be launched—and it only fuels our FOMO, the fear of missing out. And that makes us feel lonely or a failure.
But even when we learn about these negative consequences, it is difficult for us to give up the habit of being in the know – no one wants to appear ignorant. So we keep collecting nonsensical facts.
This, of course, is not at all about urgently turning off your smartphone and sitting down to read the classics by candlelight. But, at a minimum, it is worth trying to dive deeper – into a film, a book, the study of a particular topic. And do it for your own pleasure, and not to keep up with others.
3. Fixation on one point of view
Never before has humanity had so much information at its disposal – and never before, perhaps, have people so often chosen ignorance or unwavering adherence to one position. Some believe in conspiracy theories, while others repeat the words of their favorite presenter (actor, political scientist, and others) as usual, not even wanting to hear other arguments.
Do not try to pretend that you know and understand everything. The only way to fill a gap in any knowledge whatsoever is to stop trying to be a know-it-all and start researching a question that interests you.
4. Uncontrollable anger
Today they began to talk a lot about the fact that emotions cannot be divided into good and bad, that all of them are useful and cannot be suppressed – this is harmful to health, both mental and physical. But does this mean that we have the right to take it out on others? Hardly. And yet, many do. Moreover: they take out their anger not on the offender – for example, a tyrant boss or a tyrant husband – but on someone who is weaker and cannot stand up for himself.
Yes, the world is indeed often cruel and unfair, but will your aggression help somehow change it for the better?
5. Cruelty
Inadequate punishments to which children are subjected, cruelty to animals, caustic comments on social networks that people would hardly dare to say to each other in person – all this has long been a part of our daily life. And we didn’t even notice it. Simply because we rarely think about what we do and how it affects others.
The Internet only contributes to this: the popularity of social networks seems to have led to the rise of narcissism, and our ability to empathize with each other has significantly decreased. Cruelty is rewarded with the attention that many of us crave.
What to do with it?
Of course, there is no single answer to this question and cannot be. If only because social networks and news resources are not going anywhere. Still, it is in our power to try to keep our minds and minds clear, to learn to filter the content we consume, to try to avoid the black holes that our time is wasted in, and not to get into avoidable conflicts.