Each of us has had a nightmare at least once in our lives. Usually the first reaction is to forget it as soon as possible. But it is he, especially in times of crisis, that can become the golden key to change.
Nightmares and nightmares that scare us. We wake up in a cold sweat. Unpleasant memories can darken the next day, and some are haunted for years. The folklore of different peoples describes ways to get rid of them: for example, go to the water and tell her a dream so that it does not come true. But the practitioner of transactional analysis, integrative psychotherapist Ekaterina Marinheiro Fagna is convinced that a nightmare is good, because it contains answers to the most pressing questions. Unless, of course, you do not run away from him, but, on the contrary, get to know each other better. How to do it yourself and when is it better to turn to a psychologist with a nightmare?
Find Ariadne’s Thread
It is difficult for us to endure the uncertainty that accompanies any crisis: economic, family or personal. During such periods, the nervous system, like a computer or an electrical network, is overloaded and needs to be discharged. The mind is intensely looking for answers to questions, but is not always ready to accept them. And then the unconscious, which speaks to us in the language of dreams, puts a kind of “urgent” mark on its message, showing a nightmare. If we refuse to read it, we risk receiving a “re-notice”.
“Restrain yourself from the temptation to jump up,” Ekaterina Marinheiro Fana warns. – If you woke up with fear, it is somehow indicated in the body: it sucks mist in the stomach or in the head. Concentrate on this feeling, imagine it. And then take it like Ariadne’s thread, close your eyes and walk with it through your inner space.
Sometimes the journey goes beyond the body. You move along the fear, you explore what it is, you skim its surface.” In practice, says the psychotherapist, there were cases when the client imagined fear as a haze that floats and leads somewhere. Or a tree root appeared and the dreamer glided along it. It could be a door, a road sign…
The unconscious speaks to each of us in a language that we understand. We don’t know where the journey will lead. We trust our intuition and our body, which still holds the message of the unconscious, which is why it is important not to change position after waking up, but to linger in this state. When we pass this way to the end or to the place where we can reach, we will get answers to some of our questions. These can be words that pop up on the screen, or images, or thoughts, or recommendations for action. “I need to call my friend, ask for forgiveness” – suddenly this thought comes by itself. Or “I realized that my dream was about not wanting to leave home.” Everyone will have their own version.
But you can try to talk with fear directly in a dream. This skill – if difficult at first – trains once you start.
Edit Scenario
“During sleep, the personality is more integral than during periods of wakefulness,” emphasizes the psychotherapist. – And fear in a dream is the best guide for getting out of the usual scenario of life, because it mobilizes us and helps to pull out all the tools that everyone has, we just don’t know about them. If the keeper of these tools and meanings seems like a monster, a maniac, a strict teacher from the past, or a natural disaster, the task is not to give in and not run away.
Some often dream and already know how to talk to the unconscious. After we learn how to maintain contact with the body and intuition, we can move on to aerobatics – to live a lucid dream. In it, we do not lose personal will and retain the ability to act at will.
“There is scientific evidence that we have different types of dreams and can descend to different depths,” says the psychotherapist. “I have studied many ancient practices, and the oldest known to me suggests that if you find yourself in a nightmare, you can get a resource from the main monster. You need to ask him for what he has for you, and say: “Give me what you have!” – and lend a hand. But how to see hands in a dream? This was not mentioned anywhere. “I found this way myself,” continues the therapist. – At the very beginning of sleep, try to pick up or pass any object or open the door to see your hands.
Or just look at them. Then the realization will come to you that the director of the dream is you, and not the monster, that this is your reality. It might not work the first time. It’s all about training. The second option is for those who have not yet mastered the highest skill: after waking up, live this dream again in fantasy, and materialize your hand in it and do everything that follows.
Create a safe place
Most of us are frightened by the prospect of going towards the monster, and even more so to reach out to him – what if he takes a bite? “The ancients believed this: if you want to get a resource, overcome your fear. And now we have a transactional analysis that explains how to make a safe buffer between fear and you,” Ekaterina Marinheiro Fagna reassures. – If you dreamed of something terrible, do not give in to the first reflex – to run away, pull your hand away.
Create a safe place: right in a dream, if you know how, or after a dream in a fantasy. And place it at whatever distance suits you, even on Mars.” What will this place be? Everyone has their own: a box, a jewelry box, a transparent scarf or a hollow tree. And then ask your fear (its image or a monster) to put in this space that object, that treasure that will help solve the problem that has become aggravated during the crisis. “Your consciousness does not yet know the answer, but the unconscious has all the solutions, it can connect to information fields where there is a clue,” the psychotherapist sums up. “The unconscious scares us into finding the best solution when we are stuck.”
But sometimes nightmares recur, despite all attempts to negotiate with the unconscious. In this case, it is worth contacting a psychologist: he will help you dive into the deeper layers of dreams or, conversely, save you from a dangerous journey into the unconscious, because here, as in any technique, there are contraindications. For example, it is dangerous for people of a borderline or psychotic organization to dive into the unconscious.
It happens that our own mind does not let us into the unconscious. There are those who, in principle, live cognitively: thoughts are stronger than feelings. But they can also make interesting discoveries if they follow the pattern, trusting their right hemisphere for a while.
About the expert:
Ekaterina Marinheiro Fana – Transactional analyst, integrative psychotherapist, director of the International School of Transactional Analysis, co-author of the international project “TA Peaks”.