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Hello, dear readers of Valery Kharlamov’s blog! Today I want to touch on one important topic, namely, to tell you how to deal with complexes. There are very few people in the world who do not have them, and they most likely deny or do not notice. Even arrogance is considered the reverse side of shame, that is, the more a person is ashamed of his shortcomings, the more pompous he will behave. And in order not to fall into any of these extremes, I recommend that you familiarize yourself with the recommendations below.
Top 5 ways
1. Don’t be afraid to take risks
The longer you try to hide your problem, the more dangerous it will become in the future, and it will become harder and harder to deal with it. Shame is very insidious and toxic to the body. The only way to get rid of it is to declare it, take risks, and instead of hiding, on the contrary, “stick out”. As I said, there is no such person who would not feel dissatisfied with his appearance, intelligence level, living conditions and other things. Even public people, the so-called «stars», have complexes and shortcomings. The only difference with other people is that the former take risks.
If you remember, in an article about getting rid of fears, it was said that it was important to “look into his eyes”, otherwise an ordinary fear could turn into a phobia. The same with shame, an inferiority complex can develop so much that it will lead to depression, loss of work and social ties. We are all living people, therefore, if you declare your condition, then others will not only better understand what is happening to you, but will also be able to support you or share their experience.
For example, getting into a new company, you should not hide in the far corner of the table. Try first talking to one person, saying that while you are worried and anxious in a new environment, so you warn that you can make a reservation or be embarrassed a little. And this is much better than when your eyes are on the floor and do not say a word, then there is a desire to help, but you don’t know which side to approach. And declaring your experiences and shortcomings, you will notice how the excitement becomes less, and the problem is no longer as significant as it seemed.
2. Benefit from the complex
Try to think about how your complex is beneficial and useful. Sometimes it happens that with the help of it a person takes care of himself, protecting himself from something. Perhaps, realizing the true cause of the occurrence, you will get rid of this method of protection. Such mental mechanisms arise for a reason, one has only to remember from what moment it all began. It happens that the father, worrying about the future of the growing daughter, does not support the female part in her, in every possible way ridiculing her appearance.
And then her self-esteem drops very much, because the figure of the father is significant. Neither the reflection in the mirror, nor those around her later can convince her that she is a true beauty. In this case, she will need to learn to seek support from other people. Rely on your opinion, understand your preferences and interests. In general, be sure to investigate the problem first.
3. Don’t compare yourself
Dissatisfaction with oneself often arises against the background of competition, comparing oneself with others. Here are the canons of beauty, and if the face and figure do not fit into them, then that’s it, trouble, do you need to urgently change? No, you need to love yourself the way you are, it’s so simple, but on the other hand it’s very difficult. Allow yourself to be different, with different external data or character traits, because this is where uniqueness manifests itself. In some ways, you are not perfect, like everyone else around you. It’s okay, just acknowledge and love yourself.
4. Reward for yourself
Reward yourself for every attempt to deal with shame, and punish yourself for avoiding it. Only punishment should be useful, for example, push-ups, or an increase in the stressful situation that was avoided. For example, they were frightened and did not dare to speak with someone, then in the form of punishment it is now necessary to do this, only to get to know two people. Human psychology is such that he will subconsciously avoid unpleasant situations and unwanted actions. Therefore, if you know what kind of “weakness” you will have to give everything twice, the chances of overcoming embarrassment will increase.
5.Our fantasies
Basically, our anxieties, doubts and experiences correspond to our internal picture of the world, which does not always coincide with reality. I want to say that they are far-fetched, and completely invisible, and sometimes incomprehensible to others. What is the function of shame, it cuts off connection with others, directing attention deep into oneself. And a person experiences such strong feelings that he cannot even notice the reaction of the people around him, believing that they condemn him, ridicule or despise him. So, in order not to be alone with your experiences, turning them into a huge problem, take courage and look around. The best thing to do is to ask if the other person really treats you the way you imagined?
Conclusion
As soon as you notice the signs of the appearance of complexes and the desire to hide them, be sure to act the other way around, and then changes will occur, otherwise, succumbing to the temptation to avoid tension, you risk falling into a quagmire of discontent and fear. And if they make excessive demands on you, expecting you to comply, then think about your safety next to such a person, about the motives for such behavior.
Often, those close to us do not understand what injuries we inflict with their criticism. But you should not immediately take a belligerent pose in relation to them, especially if they are parents, because they were treated the same way, and they do not know how to do it differently. Just understand this, and if possible, talk about what hurts. And that’s all for today, dear readers, take care of yourself and your loved ones, and don’t give power for your life to far-fetched imperfections!
The material was prepared by Zhuravina Alina