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Meet the Top 5 creepy, unimaginable, undoubtedly poisonous, but very elegant, aesthetic and literary cocktail recipes by the unforgettable Venichka Erofeev!
Saturday, it’s time to relax and unwind. I had just collected mountain ash and decided to make an exquisite and complex drink – rowan wine – when I remembered that today is a great day for all Russian aesthete alcoholics and admirers of postmodern literature! Exactly 77 years ago, the world changed, reflected for the first time in the brilliant eyes of the new Bacchus – the writer Venedikt Erofeev, the author of the prose poem “Moscow – Petushki”.
How can one not congratulate the readers of The Rum Diary on an outstanding date and pay tribute to the memory of this great, albeit underestimated man? Meet the Top 5 creepy, unimaginable, undoubtedly poisonous, but very elegant, aesthetic and literary cocktail recipes by the unforgettable Venichka!
Attention! The editors of The Rum Diary warn their readers in advance against cooking and – God forbid! – tasting any drinks described in this article! They are presented solely for educational and humorous purposes, and only Soviet drunks-outcasts could use them without risk to life. In addition, I am sure that Erofeev Venedikt himself, quotes from which even people who are very far from literature know, has never tried such potions – otherwise you and I could hardly enjoy his works.
So, let’s go.
Fifth place. “Aunt Klava’s Kiss”
This cocktail is the only one on our list that is suitable for consumption by a normal person. Although just a normal person is unlikely to want to use it. The drink is simple to disgrace and ugly to nausea. We will need:
- Vodka.
- Fortified rose wine.
All this is mixed in arbitrary quantities, Erofeev in Moscow-Petushki recommended a 1: 1 ratio. A variation of this cocktail was invented by your obedient servant – the “Devil’s Kiss” is made from port wine and pepper, I described it in an article about cocktails with port wine.
“Explain to you what “kiss” means? And “kiss” means: any red wine mixed in any proportion in half, in half with any vodka. Let’s say: dry grape wine plus “pepper” or “Kuban” is “the first kiss”. A mixture of moonshine with 33rd port wine is a “forcibly given kiss”, or more simply, “a kiss without love”, or even more simply, “Inessa Armand”. But you never know different “kisses”! In order not to be so sick of all these “kisses”, you need to get used to them from childhood. ”
Fourth place. “Tears of the Komsomol”
The composition includes:
- Lemonade – 150 grams.
- Tooth Elixir – 150 grams
- “Lavender” – 15 grams. This 35% strength face lotion was also common during the Soviet era.
- Verbena – 15 grams. Cologne “Verbena” is sold to this day.
- Forest water – 30 grams. The most poisonous Soviet lotion, the alcohol content is about 70%.
- Nail polish – 2 grams. The color of the finished drink will also depend on the color of the varnish.
“The mixture thus prepared must be stirred for twenty minutes with a branch of honeysuckle. Others, however, argue that, if necessary, honeysuckle can be replaced with dodder. This is false and criminal. Cut me lengthwise and across – but you will not force me to stir the “Tears of the Komsomol” with the dodder, I will stir it with honeysuckle. I’m just torn to pieces with laughter when I see how they stir the “Tear” in front of me not with honeysuckle, but with dodder … “
Bronze medal. “Spirit of Geneva”
The poisonousness of cocktails is increasing. From the “Spirit of Geneva” it is already quite possible to give up the spirit. It includes:
- Zhiguli beer – 200 grams.
- Alcohol varnish – 150 grams.
- “White Lilac” – 50 grams. These perfumes were very fond of Soviet women and, of course, alcoholics, now, fortunately, they are not produced.
- Antiperspirant for feet – 50 grams.
The ingredients must be carefully mixed, without shaking, so that the beer does not foam.
Silver. “Suchy Giblets”
This is definitely a lethal remedy.
“Bitch offal”, a drink that overshadows everything. This is no longer a drink – this is the music of the spheres. What is the most beautiful thing in the world? – the struggle for the liberation of mankind. And even more beautiful is this (write down)
- Zhiguli beer – 100 grams
- Shampoo “Sadko”. Erofeev called him “Sadko – a rich guest”, but such a shampoo never existed.
- Already familiar to us antiperspirant for the feet – 30 grams.
- Aerosol for dandruff – 70 grams.
- Insect disinsectal – 20 grams. Disinsectal is a 5% solution of DDT in kerosene or other solvent.
Mix all the ingredients and insist on cigar tobacco for a week, after which the “drink” is declared ready.
And the leader of our list is “Canaan Balm”
We need:
- Velvet beer – 200 grams. Venechka recommended varieties “Ostankino” or “Senator”.
- Denatured alcohol – 100 grams. No comment.
- Cleaned polish – 100 grams. Polish is a liquid for polishing wooden surfaces, with butyl alcohol and wood resin. According to Erofeev, “how to clean polish – every baby knows. For some reason, no one in Russia knows why Pushkin died, but how polish is cleaned – everyone knows. “
The ingredients are mixed until a homogeneous black-brown liquid is obtained.
That’s all, on this our Top is over. Read good literature and drink good alcohol! Finally – one more quote from “Moscow-Petushka”:
Life is given to a person once and it must be lived in such a way as not to be mistaken in the recipes!