To begin a new life? Easily!

Scared — run, feel hungry — eat, a lot of work — put off. We inherited the initial reactions from our evolutionary ancestors. Meanwhile, only modern man has the ability to create, plan and choose. Psychologist Neil Fiore in the book «An Easy Way to Start a New Life» gives instructions on how to awaken your «I» for an interesting and eventful life.

Let go of stereotypes

Children under three years of age grasp everything on the fly. Crawling is more convenient, but in a year they stand on their feet. Learning to speak is not easy, but even a foreign language will not be a problem for a child. And all because children are curious and not constrained by fears.

But an unbridled interest in the world can lead to traumatic consequences, as it becomes more difficult to keep track of a child with age. Then worried parents set boundaries. Over time, the «little genius» falls asleep, and an adult, constrained by the framework, is born. He is afraid to seem ridiculous, not to cope with the task, to remain misunderstood.

In order to reawaken the passion for life, you need to abandon stereotypes and combine unconscious impulses (sometimes, at first glance, “empty dreams”) with adult awareness of actions. As a result, you will be able to cope with any problem: quit smoking, defeat a serious illness, lose weight, finally go for a run, finish an important project — anything.

To begin with, honestly answer the question: what would you like to change in your life in the first place, if you knew that this would significantly improve its quality?

Make a choice

At the second stage, you already know what you intend to fight. Most likely, you have already tried to do this before, but for some reason you could not bring your plan to the end.

But where are you then? Neil Fiore proposes to endow oneself with the power of an arbitrator: to consider the conflicting points of view, to trace one’s reaction to them and find the resultant of one’s divergent motives. This way you will reach the optimal solution. The psychologist calls this exercise the “third chair method.”

In the process of introspection, try to stick to the “yes” pattern: “yes, I understand your concerns”, “yes, it will not be easy and we may fail”, “yes, it is not an easy path, but it is worth it”, and so on.

Then be sure to draw a line: «and now I make a choice.» From now on, the awakened strongest «I» — that same judge — will protect you from any «what if»: after all, you already know about them and have taken responsibility for them.

“No, I can’t play sports three times a week, because I’m so tired at work” or “It’s better not to risk it, because if you don’t succeed, you will forever remain a loser” — what else does your inner voice tell you when you bet an ambitious but desirable goal? Unfortunately, there may not be two or three such votes, but many more.

Announce a «pool party», only instead of money or signature dishes, let parts of your «I» bring their doubts. Write thoughts about the possible risks, pain, benefits and consequences of the decision made in a notebook. When all points of view are brought to a common denominator, clearly formulate your choice.

After that, it will be much easier for you to remove obstacles from your path that previously seemed unremovable. By regularly spending a few minutes on this exercise, you can get rid of the ambivalence in making difficult decisions, no matter what they concern.

If you’re afraid of public speaking, imagine showing up in front of a full auditorium. Notice the reaction of the body: how sweaty palms and shaking knees. The exercise motivates you to face danger boldly.

Get support

Having set foot on the path to a big goal, a person is faced with symptoms that can be divided into five groups:

• stress and fear;
• internal conflict and procrastination;
• depression and embarrassment;
• loneliness;
• self-accusation.

The strongest «I» has five response features that will help to cope with negative emotional reactions: instead of stress, it gives a feeling of security, instead of internal conflict — awareness of choice, instead of depression — presence in the current moment, instead of self-blame — focus on one’s task, instead of loneliness — connection with internal resources and opportunities.

Day by day, by learning to recognize the symptoms and replace them with positive solutions, you will adapt to external circumstances faster and faster. For example, if you are so overwhelmed with «urgent» things that you already feel trapped (overwhelmed), you need to become aware of the here and now.

To do this, inhale and exhale deeply, concentrating on relaxing the body, and then repeat the cycle twice. Just 30 seconds will help you focus on the present and prioritize.

Be efficient

Long-term goals — building a house, losing 20 kg, getting a new profession — require a well-thought-out plan. Write down an approximate date when you want to achieve the desired result, and move from it in time segments up to the present day. What can you do today? After each completed stage, reward yourself and remember that the path itself is sometimes more important than the goal.

To awaken your strongest «I» and learn efficiency, you need to:

• Identify the problem. Leading questions can help you with this: What three habits would you like to get rid of to increase your inner peace and self-respect? What three qualities could you enhance to make life more interesting and successful?
• Consider the pros and cons, and then decide as an arbitrator.
• To carry out the replacement of negative symptoms with the positive qualities of the strongest «I».
• Become a leader who integrates all parts of his «I» to achieve the goal and succeed.

No matter how unattainable the dream may seem, it will remain so as long as you are in the grip of stereotyped ideas about your capabilities. By expanding the boundaries of perception and awakening the dormant resources of your «I», you will learn to control the dream.