You are left alone with him, and sometimes you do not have enough time for cozy evening conversations and patience – to cope with all the difficulties. But this does not mean that children do not feel your love. Lindsey Light, a professor of English philology and a single mother, shares her experience.
June 2016 was a complete disaster for me. I was happy to finally say goodbye to him and fall into July. But it turned out to be a continuous series of errors, and I did not find any of them funny.
Our car broke down on the way to kindergarten just in time for my son’s birthday. Electrical appliances went out of order, one by one, and the chimney in the kitchen spouted like a fountain.
I experienced stress. I was worried about money. About how I can get to kindergarten meetings because my car broke down. How to be in time for groceries and for a meeting with my daughter at school. That now I will do all this alone.
The world, which had always been seen as so joyful, suddenly became sad and boring. Yes, I have become different.
I picked on my children. Did they hear all those words with which I commented on their actions? I was tired and, in my opinion, a little crazy.
And it seemed to me that I was not a mother, but a loser.
Independence Day on July 4, the children were supposed to spend with their father. Last night I bailed out water from under the sink in the kitchen, so it’s unlikely that anything interesting was waiting for them at home today. I kissed them, walked them to the car and went upstairs, thinking about what my holiday would be like today.
I slept a few hours, did the cleaning, loaded the washing machine several times, watched a couple of adult shows. Then I started to wait. When will they return?
I wrote a message to their father: “Are you coming back soon? It’s too quiet here.”
Of course, they do not realize how much sacrifice you have to make – like all of us, until we become parents.
No matter how tired I am and no matter how many times I think that I can’t do anything, children are my world.
And it’s not the same when they’re not with me.
They finally returned home late in the evening. I prepared their pajamas, we turned on the TV and settled down together on the couch. The son asked if he could have something to chew on. I said – if he brought something from the holiday, I can open it to him.
He silently padded into the kitchen, but stopped halfway and said: “Mommy, you are the best mother in the world.” He said it so sincerely…
I haven’t been the best mother this past month. I was very tired. I was in survival mode.
But that’s not what my son saw. And dear tired single mothers, and your child also pays attention to something completely different.
He doesn’t see your new wrinkles and gray hair.
He doesn’t see that the ceiling needs whitewashing and the windows should be washed more thoroughly.
Your daughter does not see your tears in the evenings when you promise yourself that tomorrow you will be a different, better mother, restrained and calm.
They don’t see that it’s time to sweep the floors, they don’t see the cracks in the old kitchen furniture.
They see a home where they can play and be themselves. They see a place where they are safe and taken care of. Of course, they do not realize how much sacrifice you have to make – like all of us, until we become parents. But they see a strong person with whom you can overcome all obstacles.
Up your nose, tired single mother. Children see love. Most importantly, they feel it.
About the author: Lindsey Light, Professor of English Philology at the University of Dayton (USA), is a single mother.