Sooner or later, each parent is faced with the question of whether they are overdoing it with care, affection and gifts for the child. Of course, after all, in most cases, children in a family are a welcome gift, and I want to give them everything, especially if mom and dad themselves lacked anything in childhood. But where is the line, crossing which there is a risk of spoiling your beloved child?
I am a mother of four and have always believed that there is never a lot of love. I always try to buy quality toys and clothes for my daughter, and feed her with healthy food. And I try to pacify my stupid desire to buy up half the store of baby accessories. I would like to have everything, but in moderation. But in the end, we still came to the conclusion that the child did not learn to value his things. New toys are quickly forgotten, the daughter is not ready to take care of new dresses, but seeks to put on immediately, and in order to sit in them at the table. And now I am thinking where and what was missing in education. Or is it normal and just age-related?
To keep distance
Smart articles on this topic say that children from birth to 2 years old should not be denied the desire to be with their mother for as long as they want. Cries – pick it up, fell – take pity, wants to fall asleep next to – so be it. And all this without fear of spoiling your child. The connection that exists between mom and baby is much more important, because he will grow up in any case, but these first moments – the first smiles, the first words, the first steps – are unique and priceless.
It is much worse when the parents try to isolate themselves from the baby and justify this by saying that they do not want to “caress” and “cushion”. But what nerves do you need to have so that, following, for example, the advice of the same Benjamin Spock, not to react to the heart-rending cries of a child and give him the opportunity to cry, to conclude that he must cope on his own.
The only conclusion that the baby can draw is that it will not work out on mom and dad. And no one will convince me that good is achieved in this way. If parents are not helpers to a small defenseless child, then what can they demand from him who has matured? From here, in my opinion, the legs grow in those cases when children forget their “old people”, throw them out into the street without pity and sell them at home. But this is nonsense! More importantly, we did not surrender the bastions!
Everything is possible
There is also another extreme. Often moms and dads have to work hard to ensure a decent living for their families. The child in this case, as a rule, is forgotten, abandoned. To compensate for their absence and make amends, parents begin to load up the child with gifts and remove prohibitions. Is it worth explaining what such a model of behavior is fraught with. Toys accumulate, permissiveness turns into tyranny and manipulation by the child.
In addition, growing up without prohibitions has another negative consequence – the child is simply uncomfortable. After all, in fact, it is very convenient – to know the limits of the permissible, that this is what I can, and then – the edge. But if everything is possible, the boundaries of what is permitted are erased. And if you don’t know where to stop, the picture of the world is greatly distorted. Add to this an unstable child’s psyche, and later – the maximalism of puberty, and you get a jerky creature that does not accept rejections.
Everything is impossible
There is also an inflection point. How can a child learn about the world without even touching it? I personally do not understand such mothers who, for example, take their children out for a walk in the best outfits. And it turns out that you can’t fall into the sand, you can’t fall into the grass, it’s categorically impossible to fall on your butt, and eating ice cream on the street is generally a disaster.
The same story within the home. Paints, plasticine, flower pots, my mother’s cosmetics are strictly forbidden behind seven locks. It will be possible when he grows up. Exactly? After all, it is not age that is important, but skill. You can give out felt-tip pens for the first time at 7, but the craving for painting dolls and walls will not go anywhere. Better to start and end in due time.
There is a good rule of thumb: anything that is not dangerous is allowed. Matches, needles – farther, higher. Washing powder is also desirable out of sight. Games with a phone, tablet, and other expensive gadgets are better controlled. Yes, and medicines! So that they cannot be seen at all!
Everything else (well, or almost everything) is quite understandable. After all, you, like any normal parent, will still be there and will prompt, help if something does not work out the first time. And your reward will be a grateful, self-confident child who is able to serve himself.
A lot does not happen
There are things that cannot be spoiled. There are never many of them, no matter how old we are.
First, hugs. All children love it, all parents are delighted with it. Don’t think that your child will be hurt by spending a lot of time on your lap.
Secondly, do not be afraid to regret once again, to console you if something unpleasant has happened. First, we whisper something soothing in our ear, and then we try to figure out why this happened and how to fix it.
And thirdly, there are never many experiences. Sitting within four walls does not develop horizons. Attractions, zoos, hikes and trips anywhere will bring a lot of positive emotions. Especially if the parents themselves enjoy it. After all, a child cannot be fooled, even the smallest baby will understand if adults are not sincere enough.
Be that as it may, there is no childhood without pampering. And if you destroy all possible banks in the bud in time, there is an excellent chance to grow a harmoniously developed personality. Just figure it out, you need a child who is balanced or just obediently following your rules.
Interview
Do you fulfill all the whims of the child?
I buy what he asks, I allow what he wants: I want him to remember his childhood happy
I try to dose: I won’t buy the 10th dinosaur, but we really have a lot of toys
I try to buy expensive toys only on holidays or occasions, so that he appreciates what he has
My child knows the word “no”, I don’t want him to think that everything comes easily and on a silver platter as he grows up.
I will write my own version in the comments
oxudum,heçnə başa düşmədim.erməni budaq cumləsi