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Clearly, no parent wants their child to become anxious. However, sometimes the actions of adults contribute to the development of this quality in children.
Parents often make demands on their children that they cannot meet. The kid cannot understand how and with what to please his parents, unsuccessfully tries to achieve their location and love. But, having suffered one setback after another, he realizes that he will never be able to fulfill everything that mom and dad expect from him. He admits that he is not like everyone else: worse, worthless, considers it necessary to make endless apologies.
In order to avoid intimidating attention or criticism from adults, the child physically and mentally restrains his inner energy. He gets used to breathing shallowly and often, his head goes into his shoulders, the child acquires the habit of carefully and imperceptibly slipping out of the room. All this does not contribute to the development of the child, the realization of his creative abilities, interferes with his communication with adults and children, so the parents of an anxious child should do everything to assure him of their love (regardless of success), in his competence in any area ( there are no completely incompetent children).
First of all, parents should celebrate his progress daily by reporting them to other family members in his presence (for example, during a common dinner). In addition, it is necessary to abandon the words that degrade the dignity of the child (“donkey”, “fool”), even if adults are very annoyed and angry. It is not necessary to demand an apology from the child for this or that act, it is better to let him explain why he did it (if he wants to). If the child apologized under the pressure of the parents, this may cause him not repentance, but anger.
It is useful to reduce the number of remarks. Invite the parents to try for just one day to write down all the comments made to the child. In the evening, have them reread the list. Most likely, it will become obvious to them that most of the comments could not have been made: they either did not bring any benefit, or only harmed you and your child.
You can’t threaten children with impossible punishments: (“Shut up, otherwise I’ll seal your mouth! I’ll leave you! I’ll kill you!”). They are already afraid of everything in the world. It is better if parents, as a preventive measure, without waiting for an extreme situation, will talk more with children, help them express their thoughts and feelings in words.
Gentle touches of parents will help an anxious child gain a sense of confidence and trust in the world, and this will relieve him of the fear of ridicule and betrayal. The parents of an anxious child should be unanimous and consistent in encouraging and punishing him. The kid, not knowing, for example, how his mother will react to a broken plate today, is even more afraid, and this leads him to stress.
Parents of anxious children often experience muscle tension themselves, so relaxation exercises can be helpful for them as well. But, unfortunately, our relationship with parents does not always allow us to openly tell them about it. Not everyone can be recommended to pay attention primarily to themselves, to their internal state, and then make demands on the child. In such situations, you can say to parents: “Your child is often stiff, it would be useful for him to do muscle relaxation exercises. It is advisable that you do the exercise with him, then he will do them correctly.
Parents who follow these recommendations after a while notice pleasant sensations in the body, an improvement in their general condition. They are usually ready for further cooperation.
Such classes can be recommended not only to parents, but also to teachers. After all, it is no secret to anyone that the anxiety of parents is often transmitted to children, and the anxiety of the teacher — to students and pupils. That is why, before helping a child, an adult must take care of himself.
How to help an anxious child
As with other children’s problems that did not arise yesterday or suddenly, get ready for patient, systematic work. It must be carried out in three directions … See →
How to play with anxious children
To correct children’s anxiety, you can use games. When organizing them, it is important to follow some rules that will create a comfortable playing environment for an anxious child. See →
Anxiety prevention
Cheat sheet for adults, or Rules for working with anxious children. See →
Examples of working with childhood anxiety
Description of specific cases of work with anxious children. See →