Tinder through the eyes of a psychologist: how to find love on the Internet

The line between real life and virtual life is very arbitrary: we work on the Internet, emotionally argue in the comments, relax and make acquaintances in social networks … But is it reasonable to use the Internet to find a partner? And is there an algorithm of actions for such acquaintances?

Not so long ago, mobile chats and dating sites did not inspire any confidence in us. Only the lazy did not create accounts on them, but it would never have occurred to anyone to indicate the true personal data, and even more so — to meet with the interlocutors live. 

It was believed that the transfer of communication from online to reality is contrary to all safety rules. Couples formed on the Internet were the motif of TV shows and romantic stories, but not part of everyday life.

Now technology has improved, and the rhythm of life has accelerated so much that the Internet has become one of the most convenient, if not the only space for establishing romantic relationships. Heavyweight and computer-monitor-based websites have been replaced by fast, smartphone-friendly apps. Tinder has rightfully taken over the world.

An open statement of intent: a mistake or not?

There will always be more users who are interested in interaction without obligations than those who are looking for a partner for a long time. You should not count on the fact that flirting will develop into passion, and entertainment will suddenly turn into a serious romance with a wedding in the finale.

If the true goals are not written in the account, this is not a trick, but a big mistake. It is better to deal with a limited circle of interlocutors, but to know for sure that your intentions are the same.

7 easy steps to find your perfect partner

1. Goal setting

Make quantity turn into quality, otherwise the plan will never materialize. What is needed for this? Clear task. Give yourself a vow: for example, within a month you must meet live with ten candidates for the role of the partner of your dreams.

2. Spreading nets

Clicking on the profile of a person you like is quick and easy, so don’t limit yourself. 500 likes is the minimum program.

3. Seizure of the initiative

Don’t expect interest from those whose pages you like. Write yourself. Start at least a hundred chats with men or women.

4. Communication via webcam

Have a contact? Now narrow the circle. Conduct video calls with 30-50 users with whom you corresponded.

5. Choice of ten finalists

Video conversations are as close as possible to live conversations. After a series of video calls, it will become clear who you want to meet, and with whom further communication does not make sense.

6. Going offline

And again, don’t wait. Does the person you like not talk about a date? Propose a meeting yourself. Maybe he’s more shy than you. At worst, he is not someone worth wasting precious time on.

7. Caring for a comfortable date

Take care to enjoy live communication, even if it does not end in romance and marriage. Take the person you are talking to where you want to go. In a restaurant, choose food that really tastes good to you — in the amount that you would order it alone or with friends. 

Firstly, positive emotions are not an extra bonus. Secondly, you do not need a partner who will have to splurge all his life.

How not to go the distance without achieving anything: 4 basic rules

1. Don’t weed out candidates based on rigid external parameters

The angle and lighting are variable factors, and the lack of common interests and ease of communication cannot be compensated for by any mind-blowing texture.

2. Don’t rush things

When liking someone’s page, don’t ask yourself how effective a couple you will make with the person you like. Otherwise, it will be difficult for you to orient yourself and soberly assess reality.

3. Don’t give up at the first failure

Focus on quantity, which must turn into quality. Arranging ten dates a month, you can not find «the one» in four weeks. But the longer you don’t slow down, the higher the chances of meeting the right person.

4. Forget about stereotypes that have long outlived their usefulness

“A man should write first”, “a woman is a prey, not a hunter”, “you cannot find love by mechanically sorting through candidates” — all this is no longer relevant. Don’t be a lying stone! You have the right to take the initiative. State your goals clearly, write to people who interest you, propose dates and decide for yourself where and how they will take place.

Don’t limit yourself and don’t get in the way of your own happiness. Progress has given you ample opportunities — act. Hope is a wonderful feeling when accompanied by effective moves and well-established methods.

Stock up on confidence, rely on modern technology, go to the goal — and you will definitely achieve it!

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