Time to sharpen the “axes”! Anti-crisis cocktails with port wine.

When the belts are tightened, they are tightened in everything. And, unfortunately, often this process begins with exactly what Rum Diary specializes in – with good alcohol. Well – let’s be in tune with reality and shove the actuality – a kind of top of the favorite swill of Soviet students, intellectuals and outcasts – cocktails with port wine.

“I was connected with Portugal by the only thread,

but strong: port wine.

(Alexander Genis)

Cocktail with port wine – the nightmare of the Portuguese

If you think about the etymology of the word “port wine”, images of a dirty port city immediately appear in your head: a smoky tavern, stale overage priestesses of love, dashing sea wolves, whipping a muddy disgrace-like brew right from the neck.

Such associations are not accidental – in Soviet and post-Soviet culture, the infamous “Three Axes”, consumed both as an independent drink and as an ingredient for cheap cocktails, are most often referred to as port wine.

The “normal” port is produced using the most complex multi-level technology, exclusively in the valley of the Portuguese Douro River. Port wine, like cognac and champagne, is a strictly regional product, made only according to a certain recipe, which is confirmed by a special sticker of the National Wine Institute on each “real” bottle.

Varieties of port wines are distinguished by a kaleidoscopic variety. They are divided into:

• red-white-pink-ruby-dark yellow;
• sweet-dry-semi-dry-very dry, very-very dry;
• regular and vintage (made from grapes of especially successful harvests);
• maturing in barrels and bottles.

What they have in common is the production technology, in which the fermentation of the must is interrupted already for 3-4 days by adding grape spirit, and in the old days – brandy. But this is only the beginning! The future port hibernates in oak barrels, with repeated transfusion and sediment separation, after which it goes to the cellars, where it “grows up” for several years. Then real shamanism begins – assemblage, mixing wines of different ages to create certain indicators of freshness, “fruitiness”, softness, delicacy, saturation, etc. But even after that, the future elite port will mature in barrels or bottles for several years, depending on the category and variety.

Inexpensive Port Cocktail Recipes

Of course, only one cocktail can be made with the “royal” Vintage Port – “Idiot”. But the simpler ruby, tawny, coleita are mixed with other ingredients on the run and served in European bars. For cheap cocktails, the standard Massandra, Magarach, Inkerman’s Krymsky or Sevastopol, Novosvetovsky’s Porto are quite suitable for us – drinks that have little in common with Portugal, but still – affordable, strong and relatively high quality.

“Everything in the world is good, you go like this, on courage –

and it’s just a portvichka that has already worked!” (With)

Port goes well with citrus fruits, a variety of liqueurs, juices, tonic, and, oddly enough, mint. This is an excellent ingredient for mulled wines. In addition, unusual egg and milkshakes on port wine are common, with the addition of cream and coffee ingredients, ice cream, bitters and much more.

• Purple Sunset is one of my favorite blends. Not to be confused with the gin and grenadine cocktail of the same name! Its taste is unusual and, one might say, refined, the ingredients are affordable, the action is soft, but confident, like a blow to the head with a pillow.

You will need – 50 ml of red port, 30 ml of dark vermouth (ordinary Marengovo “Rosso” will do) and 10 ml of Amaretto, all in a shaker. Submission is optional. If the drink seems too sweet, you can add 40-50 grams of mineral water.

• “Children’s”. Cheap cocktail, tasty and quite weak.

For a cup of milk, you need 60 grams of port wine and a couple of teaspoons of sugar. All this is shaken in a shaker, served immediately, with a pinch of nutmeg, in a Collins glass.

• A cocktail with the provocative name “Anal Sex”. The analogy is not accidental – not everyone likes it and requires some preparation, but it gives true pleasure to the sophisticated!

Needed: 30 grams of red, the same amount of Irish Cream, cream and egg liqueur (eg “Lawyer”), 60 ml. vodka, a spoonful of sugar, crushed ice. The wine glass is half filled with ice, the rest of the ingredients are shaken in a shaker and filtered into a container.

“One of the little annoyances of Parisian life is that you can be offered a glass of bad port wine at any time of the day. This has to be dealt with.”

(William Maugham)

• “Chocolatte Porto”, made with chocolate ice cream, the darker the chocolate, the better.

A small spoonful of dessert is placed at the bottom of the dish, it is better to add a few drops of chocolate liqueur on top, but you can do without it. 45 ml of red port is poured on top, the whole thing is decorated with a cocktail cherry. It is used both as a long and as a shot.

• Blackcup. A simple and tasty cocktail with port wine, one strawberry, lemon juice and sugar syrup.

Strawberries are kneaded with a muddler, 15 ml (3 teaspoons) of syrup and lemon juice, 60 ml of port wine, crushed ice are added to it. Everything is strained into a Collins glass, served with ice cubes and soda.

• “Bishop”, aka “Baked Bishop”. Interesting glint on red port wine with orange and spices.

The orange is pierced with clove buds and baked in a preheated oven for 15 minutes. Port and orange juice in a ratio of 1: 2 are heated over low heat with a cinnamon stick, in the process, the “bishop” himself, an orange, is added to the mixture. It’s ready when steam starts rising from the pot.

• Flip with port. At first, I can’t believe that the port can be combined with chicken eggs. However – maybe, and how!

The easiest way is to take a whole egg, 50 ml of any port, a spoonful of sugar and mix everything in a shaker, sprinkled with ground or grated nutmeg. There are options. For example, add 20 grams of cognac to the mixture, and take only the yolk from the egg – for lovers of stronger swill. And “for warming up” there is nothing better than a hot-port flip! For it you need – 15 ml of coffee, 30 – cognac, 90 – port, a little cream. The egg is beaten with cream, poured into a well-heated cup, and the rest of the ingredients are added there. The cocktail not only warms, but also invigorates, unlike mulled wine!

• “Melon”. It differs not only in its unusual taste, but also in its original presentation! As a glass, a medium melon is used, with a cut off top and the pulp with seeds taken out.

150 ml is poured inside. red port, 100 ml. champagne and the same amount – mineral water, 15-20 ml drops of anise. “Melon” is infused for an hour or two and is served with a draft spoon.

Trash for the elite: the most “killer” homeless-class cocktails!

Told him! And he: kaktel, kaktel … Hippie shaggy!

(from the movie “Autumn Marathon”)

In the pocket remained miserable pennies? The only thing left is how to get drunk? Then run for a couple of battles “777” or its analogues! And so that you can pour this hellish mixture into yourself and keep it inside for some time – use one of these recipes. I abused almost all of these “elixirs” in my youth, I know not only the method of their manufacture, but also the action, consequences, and the fragrance and aftertaste still sometimes comes back in nightmares!

• “Portotonic”. White port in half with “Schweppes”, at worst – “Sprite”, “7UP” or “Lemon Light”. If possible, add mint and a slice of lemon. “Portotonic” was considered an exquisite drink for the most capricious ladies.

• Portveburato. I can imagine the reaction of a Portuguese sommelier who saw the process of making Porto-Pinocchio and felt its marvelous aroma! The recipe is simple – one part of “Three Axes” and 2 parts of “Pinocchio”, “Duchess”, “Lemonade”.

• “Morning Boyarsky”. Cola in half with portvik, with the addition of the juice of one lemon per two-inch cocktail. Drank – and rejoice at the “beautiful Ikuku”! Alternatively, instead of lemon, you can add a bag of instant coffee – this will already be a cheap Euphoria cocktail.

• «Your mother!”, that is, “Canal!”. The author of this recipe gave this name to his cocktail because of its obvious, but never discovered by anyone, simplicity and genius. A battle of white port wine, a liter of lemonade are taken, a lemon is squeezed into the mixture. The zest is rubbed into a cup, a bag of ground nutmeg is added to it, everything is poured with boiling water and it costs 10 minutes. After that, the ingredients are mixed and settled for about half an hour to precipitate. Everyone, you can start the summit!

• “Just a second!” This is my recipe now. Take a beer glass, half fill it with any port wine, and add light beer on top. Or dark. In general, it doesn’t matter, as long as it’s cold. The originality of this port wine cocktail lies in the tasting method that requires certain skills. First you need to say loudly “Just a second!”, Then empty all 0.5 liters of the mixture in one gulp. When you reach the bottom, the long-awaited effect will come to you. The recipe of this unique 0.5-liter shot in the world allows you to pour even the most hardened chatter into yourself.

• And finally. Venedikt Erofeev used to say that any wine mixed with any vodka in any proportion will give you a Kiss cocktail. Accordingly, pepper in combination with a red shmurdyak 1: 2 is a “Fire Kiss” or “Devil’s Kiss”.

Attention! Don’t try the recipes on this list at home! The Rum Diary appreciates every reader, and these drinks will be poison for everyone who has not been accustomed to them since childhood! Drink and read only good things!