The more you do with your child on your own, the less he should win your attention.
You can just sit down and watch how your «hurricane» suddenly, for no reason, sat down to play with the designer. It is very useful to take the child in his arms, hug him, exactly when he is in a good mood, and not in a bad one. You win both in this case. «I’m glad I have you!» — this message is vital for the child and really comes from the heart if you express it in such a moment of harmony, or even express it with one look. Spontaneously hugging, kissing, stroking is just as important as praising.
Attention is needed and regardless of your child’s behavior. You can give him an invaluable gift:
- Enter the ritual: once a day at the same time, give him your time and attention. It can be 10 minutes or 30 or 60. Many parents introduce this into their evening ritual. Regularity is much more important than the number of minutes. You already know that rituals tolerate only rare exceptions.
- At this time, you belong only to the child. Only his needs and interests. Explain to him: “Now you are the boss and you can command. I will do it with you.» The child can choose whether you will read with him, play, caress or just watch him play. What book, what kind of game, what the conversation will be about — all this is decided by the child. TV and violent games should be excluded from the very beginning.
- At the same time, one important rule applies to you: teaching, scolding and whining is taboo. Support and encourage your child whenever possible. Listen to him. Do everything to make him feel good. Imagine someone giving you such a gift every day—listening, meeting your needs where possible, praising and approving everything you do. By regularly conducting such a ritual, you ensure that the child no longer needs to win your attention, his self-confidence increases, and if he can be a “chef” once a day, it is easier for him to follow the rules and accept boundaries the rest of the time.