Sexologist Catherine Blanc reflects on the prejudices that complicate our intimate life.
“Man is always trying to show his power, trying to escape from anxiety. After all, it often seems that we are missing something very important, we feel helpless and do not find peace because we are mortal … We affirm ourselves in relationships with other people, and even more so in our sexuality.
The desire to make love in threes comes from the Oedipal period. Then our first sexual script arises, which also raises the question of where we are in our parents’ relationship. Everyone will define it in their own way: someone may retain a childish desire to be the main part of this triangle; someone is an observer or even an object for fun. And for some, this primary scenario will lead to a fantasy of a relationship with an opposite-sex couple: I try to please a partner of the opposite sex in the presence of a person of my same sex, without losing either his interest or his love. Or another fantasy: I enter into a relationship with a couple of the opposite sex, thus asserting my uniqueness … Regardless of whether such a desire is realized or not, such fantasies are inherent in all of us, men and women. Why is this threesome love fantasy usually considered masculine? Because taboos have been placed on female sexuality for centuries, and for a man, the ability to sexually satisfy two women is only proof of his strength and power. In male fantasies, the purpose of the sexual act is to please the woman, or rather, to enjoy his ability to give it. And for a long time the woman was under the illusion that she was just the Sleeping Beauty, who was waiting for the prince to wake her up. Of course, she guesses that she herself gives pleasure to her partner and can excite him. However, this ability was considered indecent for so long that a woman had to convince herself that it was her duty, and not her desire!
Read more:
- Sex: what women dream about
But is it possible to imagine that a woman should only obey the desire of a man! The notion that threesome love is a male fantasy, the product of just such a morality. A woman who calmly accepts her desires can strive to enjoy with several partners no less than a man. And she will feel her own sexual power and strength in the same way when a man loves her in front of another … But internal prohibitions most often make her suppress and even completely deny such a desire. Meanwhile, if a woman enjoys being surrounded by men in everyday life, isn’t this a way to “legitimately” enjoy, feel unique, sexy and recognized, without moving on to sexual intercourse?
Catherine Blanc, author of Women’s Sexuality (La sexualité des femmes n’est pas celle des magazines, Évolution, 2009).