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Fear of failure often gets in the way of success. But perhaps we can change our thoughts and feelings about failure. How to do this, says psychologist Chicky Davis.
Few people know, but I tried to enter graduate school 5 times. I received rejection letters and was very worried. Years passed, I defended my dissertation. Each of the failures became for me an experience, a lesson, another step on the way forward. It is necessary to take risks. Success is not guaranteed, each of us can fail. But if everything works out, the reward will be huge. By taking risks, we open the way to success.
In theory, everything is fine, but how to use failures to your advantage? To be wrong is painful and unpleasant. When we experience failure, we fear punishment and burn with shame. Therefore, we try to avoid risk at all costs. But fear can be overcome. The following steps will help.
1. Find the good in failure
The main thing is to learn to notice them. This will make it easier to see the good the next time you fail. Pick an embarrassing situation from the past and write down the three lessons you learned. For example, you did not have time to complete important work on time. Perhaps because of this, you realized that you need to prioritize better, refuse additional projects, or moderate your perfectionism. Think about what you can do to avoid a recurrence in the future.
Watch how others overcome their fears. Ask your friends to share what failures have given them. For example, my manager once published a scientific article with an error and now checks all the data several times. A colleague somehow hesitated during an important presentation and is now less afraid of such situations: he already knows how to get out of them.
2. Treat Potential Failure as a Challenge
Completing a difficult task is always stressful, but it’s up to you to decide how you feel about it. If you view stress as a threat, your body begins to prepare for a fight, and you end up feeling like you’re in a fight. But if you perceive stress as a challenge, you are more likely to relax, believe in yourself and cope with difficulties.
Imagining that you are doing great at everything, you experience positive feelings.
Think about the hard problems you’ve managed to solve. Let’s say you’re nervous about an upcoming conversation with your boss. Think back to past meetings. How did everything go? What helped you cope? When you remind yourself of past successes, the task no longer seems impossible.
Visualize success. Imagining that you are doing great at everything, you experience positive feelings. If you get stuck thinking about what could go wrong, the feeling of fear intensifies and the failure you fear becomes more likely.
3. Don’t berate yourself when you fail.
There will never be enough hours in the day to perfect every project. Often there is not enough time, you make mistakes and disappoint yourself. Failure happens to everyone. You don’t need to punish yourself. Having suffered defeat, it is important to support yourself. Talk to a friend who will comfort you, go in for sports to cope with overwhelming negative emotions. It is important to start admitting mistakes and learn from them — this will help you cope better in the future.
I’ve put these tips to the test over and over, going from being a cashier to earning a degree from Berkeley and starting my own business. I still make mistakes every day, but I’m willing to try and take risks. Therefore, there are more successes in my life than failures.
The author is Chicky Davis, a psychologist.