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When we understand ourselves, it is easier for us to achieve success. We understand where our real desires are, and where they are imposed by others. Knowing yourself is not easy. Psychotherapist Sharon Martin offers 3 simple ways to understand your desires.
One of the main obstacles to self-knowledge is constant employment. We run, something distracts us, we try to do several things at the same time. It is difficult to tune in to self-knowledge. And you need to tune in a quiet environment, listening to thoughts and emotions, the body that speaks the language of physical sensations.
We drown out our sensitivity. Most lose touch with themselves. Being distracted by correspondence on your smartphone at lunch, you stop feeling the taste of food. As a result, you miss signals that let you know how you feel and help you figure out why.
Why is it important to understand yourself?
When we know ourselves well, it is easier for us to succeed. This is logical – if we set goals that match our skills, interests and values, we are much more likely to achieve them.
Understanding ourselves, we become kinder to ourselves – if you understand why you acted one way or another, then you see that you did everything you could do in this situation, and it is easier for you to forgive yourself for mistakes.
Understanding ourselves, we become kinder to ourselves
Knowing how you feel makes it easier for you to meet your emotional needs. You better understand what you need from others.
To truly live, you need to accept yourself for who you are. Understand what is important to you and muster up the courage to be yourself, not what others want you to be. Here are some tips.
Listen to yourself
What feelings do your thoughts evoke in you? Without judging or judging, pay attention to what emotions they evoke. This process will help you realize a lot – what affects your mood, how you feel about yourself and others.
If your own thoughts make you feel angry or helpless, a therapist can help you figure out what’s lurking in the depths of your psyche.
Ask yourself the right questions
We often ask questions like “What are you doing? What do you need?”. Instead, ask, “What is important to you? What are you worried about? This will help you better understand your interests and the meaning of your life.
If we are not interested in what we do, life turns into a burdensome duty, loses its meaning. On the contrary, if we do what is important, then we feel a surge of energy and gain meaning. Make a list of what is important to you and consider how these values are present in everyday life.
Pay attention to what bothers you in the behavior of others
We can learn a lot by paying attention to what we don’t like about others. Carl Jung suggested using the term Shadow – those parts of our personality that we do not want to know about. He pointed out that we often see things in others that we don’t want to see in ourselves. If we start to understand why some people annoy us so much, we can get in touch with these hidden parts of our personality – namely, they help us grow and develop.
As an illustration, psychologist Lisa Marciano gives an example from life: “My former colleague was a very attractive woman and understood this very well. She loved to flirt and be the center of attention. It annoyed me. When I noticed this, I wondered why these qualities aroused such strong emotions in me.
In our family, it was believed that it was better not to attract attention to oneself, it was suggested that it was a shame to be proud of other people’s attention. When I realized that I forbade myself to manifest those qualities that annoyed me in a colleague, I was able to allow myself to restore contact with my “shadow” desires — sometimes be the center of attention.
About the Author: Sharon Martin is a psychotherapist and member of the California Association of Family Therapists.