Aging is often feared. They are trying to hide from him. They don’t want to think about it. But if the tricks of cosmetologists help temporarily hide the external signs of this process, then how to deal with what is happening inside? Psychologist Guzel Khusnullina reflects on how to accept your new identity and love your new self.
In the world of Botox, where teen bloggers become celebrities and millionaires, and the target audience for any business is between 17 and 35 years old, often the fear of old age turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy, leading to isolation and helplessness. At the same time, life expectancy increases, and the level rises.
We have many opportunities to contain the outward signs of old age. But it is worth thinking not only about the aestheticization of withering, but also about creating a new self-concept.
What happens to the soul when we lose the elasticity of the body, the ability to bear children? This is briefly mentioned by Clarissa Pinkola Estes in She Who Runs with the Wolves.1: when a woman loses the ability to give birth to biological children, she acquires the ability to give birth to «children of wisdom.»
… I was so happy that I would finally see my son and daughter-in-law, and did not even think to report that I had arrived 15 minutes earlier. I received a reprimand from my son on the threshold, they poured me like ice water.
No need to waste energy on showdown, competition, envy
I asked my older friends how they are doing with their children. One has three text messages a year, the other has silence, the third sold her apartment to cover her son’s loans for the «sick» mother of his girlfriend.
But don’t we have a life of our own that we suffer from not getting approval from children? We ourselves put a cross on ourselves, and not the environment. This thought became my first “wisdom child.” He broke the social mirrors in which I sought recognition, sacrificing parts of myself in order to meet someone’s expectations.
When you feel the cold of eternity more and more clearly, you begin to appreciate in a special way the joys that you used to pass by in pursuit of another achievement.
The smell of coffee, a drop of dew on a flower, a sunset in a forest near Moscow… This moment will never happen again — such an understanding gives a special brightness to the experience. I became kinder to myself and more forgiving of the mistakes of others. After all, now I know for sure that time puts everything in its place. And nobody needs to prove anything. No need to waste energy on sorting out relationships, competition, envy.
My unique life cycle coincides with a unique piece of history
In addition to social and gender programs, each of us has a unique purpose. This discovery occurs most often in the second half of life, along with the realization of its transience.
When I realized that I can only do what is my calling, the second “child of wisdom” was born — Gratitude. This child does not get tired of thanking God, life, people met on the way.
And the fear of death? It subsides when I think that my unique life cycle coincides with a unique piece of history — and together we welcome Eternity. I no longer cling to what is gone.
It seems that Bella Akhmadulina was talking about this: “I was so tormented! .. And it’s just that an immature soul was looking for a different age.” This other age, finally found by a strengthened and matured soul, is the third child of wisdom.
1 Clarissa Pinkola Estes «Running with the Wolves. Female archetype in myths and legends” (Sofia, 2018).