Three Reasons to Empathize with Narcissists

Narcissists irritate with the desire to always be in the spotlight. At first, we may be fascinated by their reasoning or mysterious appearance. But soon the gilding crumbles, and we see a capricious child who cannot bear it when someone does not admire him for a long time.

Such people can cause irritation, a desire to put them in their place. But research shows that the most appropriate and effective response to the behavior of narcissists can be pity and even kindness.

1. They are very vulnerable, although they hide it

Hidden behind the arrogance and selfishness of the narcissist is suffering and chronically low self-esteem. This has been shown in numerous studies. For example, in a quick association test, participants with narcissistic traits automatically correlated words like “I” and “mine” with negative words like “pain,” “suffering,” and “death.”

Perhaps self-centered behavior is actually necessary for narcissists to compensate for their lack of self-confidence. When they don’t receive attention, their brains show high activity in areas associated with social and emotional pain.

A study by an international team of neuroscientists has shown that narcissists have weak connections between the prefrontal cortex responsible for the sense of “I” and areas responsible for reward and pleasure.¹. Perhaps narcissists simply lack a positive sense of self and need the attention of others to maintain their self-worth.

2. They suffer because of their nature.

Narcissism and emotional deafness are qualities that are rarely found in truly happy people. On the contrary, they often become the cause of conflicts and hostility from others.

Psychologists at the University of Bern confirm that those who have pronounced narcissistic traits are more likely than others to experience difficulties in relationships, and usually they themselves cause them.

Another study by psychologists at the University of Illinois found that narcissists are even more sensitive to stress than other types. The feigned indifference does not relieve them of the experience at all – on the contrary, according to the diaries of participants with a tendency to narcissism, they experienced more negative emotions.².

3. They can learn empathy

One of the most unpleasant features of narcissists is their inattention to the problems and concerns of others, the inability to sympathize. Relatives often take offense at them for coldness and callousness. At times it seems that they simply do not care about those who are nearby.

However, psychologists at the University of Southampton and the University of Surrey have found encouraging data: Empathy can be aroused in narcissists by asking them to imagine what the other person is going through.

Psychologist Erica Hepper and her colleagues asked participants to read a story about a woman who had experienced violence.

The participants, whose level of narcissism was relatively low, said that they shared the feelings of the victim. Participants with high levels of narcissism were only able to truly empathize with a woman when the researchers asked them to imagine themselves in her place.³. Before the experiment, both of them were shown a film about the fate of victims of domestic violence.

¹ David S. Chester et al. «Narcissism is associated with weakened frontostriatal connectivity: a DTI study». Social, Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 2016, vol. 11.

² Cheng et al. «Are narcissists hardy or vulnerable? The role of narcissism in the production of stress-related biomarkers in response to emotional distress», Emotion, 2013, vol. 13.

³ E. Hopper et al. “Moving narcissus: Can narcissists be empathic?” Personal and Social Psychology Bulletin, online publication dated May 30, 2014.