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To live in harmony with yourself and other people, you need to know yourself well, to see your strengths and weaknesses. Psychoanalysis, internal dialogue, the Hoffman process – these methods can help us get closer to inner harmony.
“I’m not comfortable in my own body”, “I’m tired of quarreling with my wife”, “Let my parents leave me alone”, “I no longer have the strength to go to this job” … Whatever the symptoms of trouble that make us turn to a psychotherapist, and what whatever method of therapy we choose, we want one thing: to finally feel relief and calm down. But do we dream of complete, boundless peace? Not at all, our need is more complex: we want to move through life, and therefore we need to have calm periods in it alternate with dynamic ones. So the task of psychotherapy does not at all include the destruction of those forces that create “turbulence” in our inner life. Different methods of psychotherapy rather suggest recognizing our contradictions, and then learning to get along with them. But each direction in psychotherapy has its own recipes for achieving the promised relief. We chose three methods: classical psychoanalysis and two modern ones – the Hoffman process and internal dialogue*.
* The internal dialogue method and the Hoffman process are not suitable for those who suffer from mental disorders.
1. Psychoanalysis: Understand your symptoms
Dominique Miller, psychoanalyst.
Psychologies: How can psychoanalysis help you come to terms with yourself?
Dominic Miller: Psychoanalysis is nothing more than word therapy. Talking about our experiences (even very difficult ones), we always feel better. But during psychoanalytic sessions, the patient does not just talk and remember: for analysis, it is necessary for a person to perform intense inner work for a long time, trying to determine and realize the cause of his own suffering. Understanding the meaning of symptoms and the mechanism of their occurrence is a source of relief and comfort for those who come to a psychoanalyst.
What are the stages of analytical work?
D. M .: While striving for peace, we at the same time value our inner “storms” very much, so the analyst first needs to understand whether the patient is really ready to part with what makes him suffer. And if so, work begins with what causes pain and anxiety. We also need, for example, to understand: with whom does he identify himself? Why, how?
About it
Eric Berne “Introduction to Psychiatry and Psychoanalysis for the Uninitiated”, Potpourri, 2006.
It can be any significant figures from childhood: parents, relatives, educators. Talking about them, about his past, resurrecting in his memory all the feelings and experiences associated with them, a person gradually ceases to identify himself with these figures, frees himself from their power. Then we work on what brings satisfaction to the patient. What pleasure (and it always is!) is given to him by these unpleasant symptoms that interfere with life? The analyst’s job is to help the patient determine his position in relation to this pleasure-pain. The result of psychoanalysis is not that the patient is freed from the symptom (because it gives meaning to its existence!), but that the toxic pleasure that a person derives from it is replaced by a creative force. For example, having got rid of bulimia, you can get oral pleasure in a different way, becoming an artist or a journalist …
What exercise would you suggest?
D. M .: Psychoanalysis is generally not inclined to recommend exercises. But since our method is word therapy, I would probably suggest writing down your dreams, thoughts, impressions. It gives us a breather when we come face to face with our anxiety.
How it works
An approach. The progenitor of all types of psychotherapy hardly needs an introduction, and yet: psychoanalysis, developed by Sigmund Freud at the end of the XNUMXth century, was the result of many years of research into the unconscious.
Principle. Psychoanalysis “heals with the word”, allowing us to uncover the unconscious causes of our suffering and internal conflicts, and thus helps us overcome them.
Practice. Sessions three to five times a week, each 45–50 minutes; treatment may continue for several years.
2. Inner dialogue: Harmonize different aspects of your “I”
Tatyana Gladysh – moderator of the Dialogue of Voices session.
Psychologies: How does this method help you come to terms with yourself?
Tatiana Gladysh: The personality of each of us is not monolithic, it consists of many subpersonalities that we create in ourselves, adapting to different circumstances and relationships. However, these different sides of our personality do not always agree with each other and sometimes “tear” us from the inside. As a rule, our actions are controlled by dominant (primary) subpersonalities: “protector-controller”, “critic” … On the other hand, everyone has suppressed (detached) subpersonalities – these are our weaknesses, any feelings and thoughts that we do not dare to show openly (anger, aggression, greed, sexuality). The internal dialogue allows us to get to know all our sides, learn to accept them (and therefore ourselves), live in harmony with ourselves, skillfully managing our strong and weak selves.
How does a session usually go?
T.G.: The client talks about what worries him. The host of the session puts forward a hypothesis about which subpersonality dominates (for example, “protector-controller”), and suggests “give her the floor”. To do this, the client moves to another chair and speaks on behalf of the “protector-controller”. The main goal of the session is to allow each of the inner voices to speak to the end. It is especially important that the repressed “I” that we used to drown out also sounded.
What exercise would you suggest to identify one of your subpersonalities?
T.G.: Subpersonalities act in pairs: dominant and suppressed. To identify them, try answering a few questions.
About it
Hal and Sidra Stone Accepting Your Own Selves. Voice Dialogue Guide”, Eksmo, 2003.
What annoys me the most about other people? (For example, laziness.) – What quality of mine makes me annoyed at the sight of someone else’s laziness? (My energy.) – How would those whom I consider lazy describe themselves? (They would say that they know how to live in the present.) – How would they determine the source of those qualities of my character that I consider my dignity? (Overvoltage and constant stress.) You singled out your dominant subpersonality – industriousness, energy and efficiency – and the opposite suppressed subpersonality – calmness and relaxation. To feel peace in the soul, you need to pay more attention to this second side of your personality, which you deny both in others and in yourself.
How it works
An approach. The Dialogue of Voices method was developed in the 70s by Jungian analysts Hal Stone and his wife Sidra (Hal, Sidra Stone).
Principle. The internal dialogue is designed for those who seek to quickly solve a private problem in relations with themselves or other people.
Practice. One or more meetings may be enough to solve the problem.
3. The Hoffman Process: Increase Self-Esteem
Pavel Panin is the organizer of the Hoffman Process program in Russia.
Psychologies: How does this method allow you to come to terms with yourself?
Pavel Panin: Inner peace comes from feeling that we are worthy of love. When self-confidence is not enough, Hoffman’s group work helps restore it. How? Turned into the child we once were. Re-experiencing the time when our self-esteem, character traits, style of relationships with other people were formed, again (but already an adult) experience the same fears or angry feelings towards the mother or father, in order to finally gain faith in oneself. The method allows us to understand why our parents acted the way they did, to understand and forgive them, and to experience inner harmony as a result.
How is the program organized?
PP: Before the start of the training, all participants answer the questions of a detailed questionnaire (about relationships in the family, the nature of parents, the style of upbringing …), compare the characteristics of their personality and parents. Then the actual program begins, which includes four stages: to realize those habits that prevent us from being real; express the emotions behind habitual behavior; forgive yourself and others for mistakes and insults; start living in a new way as proof that we have changed.
About it
Tim Lawrence “Hurry to change your life”, Gayatri, 2005.
What exercise would you suggest?
PP: Write down or quickly say a few phrases, starting with the words that name the strongest emotion at the moment: for example, “I’m tired.” “I’m tired of my husband (wife) not paying attention to me.” “I’m tired of these eternal traffic jams.” “I’m sick of being bombarded with work.” “I’m tired of this heat (this cold, these rains).” “I’m tired of cooking (cleaning up after everyone, sitting at work).” “I’m tired of relatives who climb with their advice.” “I’m tired of making excuses that I don’t have time to do anything” … Continue until you yourself become ridiculous. Laugh heartily at your (now clearly insignificant) problems, and they will stop bothering you.
How it works
An approach. The Hoffman Process was developed in the 60s by the American Robert Hoffman in collaboration with the Chilean psychoanalyst Claudio Naranjo.
Principle. This method is intended for those who want to better understand themselves, find inner harmony and find their own path in life.
Practice. The Hoffman Process is an eight-day, full-immersion, intensive outreach program. After training for two days, it is not recommended to return to normal everyday life. In addition, participants are given materials for independent work.