The Buddha is credited with saying, “There is no path to happiness. Happiness is the way.» Happiness teacher Emilian Simon-Thomas talks about the pitfalls along the way.
Since 2014, I have been teaching the free online course The Science of Happiness. Since its launch, more than 450 thousand people in the world have passed it. I also give lectures on happiness for representatives of business, healthcare, science, and government. Listeners want to make happy not only themselves, but also society.
Based on experience, I have identified three lessons that motivate me the most.
It is important to understand what happiness is
Happiness is not a new concept. We easily define our state on the scale of happiness. To know what happiness is does not mean to become happy.
The first mistake is to equate it with fleeting pleasure. Something pleasant happens to us, we consider it happiness. Following this logic, to be happy, you need to build an endless chain of pleasant moments. But we don’t get happier from hoarding expensive things or forcing ourselves to get excited.
A study by Barbara Fredrickson of the University of North Carolina found that pleasurable experiences actually make us feel happy. However, people who put all their efforts into maximizing pleasure often sacrifice communication and don’t help others. As a result, they are less happy.
We get more pleasure from an activity if we focus on it as much as possible.
Also, don’t try to feel happy all the time. Research by Iris Mauss and June Gruber has shown that this only gets in the way of true happiness.
Everything has its time, including pleasure. Laugh at a joke, savor delicious food, bask in the warmth of love, but acknowledge and express the feelings that arise in difficult situations: anger, sadness, fear. They are important information signals and suggest what to do next. Learn to be resilient so you can bounce back from trials and learn from them.
The key is awareness
For the past 30 years, scientists have been exploring the phenomenon of mindfulness: both specific practices (for example, meditation) and a general attitude to the present moment with kindness, gentleness and understanding.
Mindfulness makes it possible to identify existing patterns of thought and experience. Helps to identify beliefs, habits and stereotypes that prevent you from becoming happy. Let’s say you hate apologizing, but apologies reduce chronic stress levels, increase productivity, and make you happier. Mindfulness allows you to analyze the reluctance to apologize and overcome it.
Interesting data was obtained using the Track Your Happiness app. In it, thousands of people note what they are doing and how they feel at this time. We get more pleasure from an activity if we focus on it as much as possible.
It does not matter what we are doing: sitting in line or watching an exciting movie. If we pay attention to the current moment, and not think about something else, we enjoy the process more. Other studies show that mindfulness increases the enjoyment of sex and chocolate in a similar way.
Happiness needs work
You can’t suddenly start living a happy life. It needs to be learned like playing a musical instrument. The surest way to become happier is to invest in relationships with others. Strengthen social contacts, practice good habits, and do work that contributes to a big cause.
Unfortunately, in modern society, caring for others, willingness to help and work for the common good are not highly valued. The environment encourages independence, autonomy and competitive spirit, makes you focus on yourself. We pursue personal interests and are afraid of anything that threatens our reputation or well-being.
After an injury, physical therapy is required to recover. In the same way, it is necessary to restore and strengthen the functions of social behavior: learning to trust, put up and work in a team. To do this, some of them will have to expose existing habits and become vulnerable.
Gratitude helps you better understand what happiness is, strengthens bonds, and encourages you to do more for others.
Suppose we are used to holding back anger. But forgiveness lowers blood pressure, strengthens the cardiovascular system, makes it easier to communicate with people and establish new contacts. However, forgiveness is not easy. The path to happiness requires constant effort.
During the classes, I try to give the students a technique that they can apply. Often the most accessible advice is to be grateful. Gratitude helps you better understand what happiness is, strengthens social bonds, and encourages you to do more for others.
This is a popular topic for mindfulness practices. It helps to focus on the role others have played in our well-being. When we reflect on who and what we are grateful for, it helps us become more content, build trust, and shift the focus away from ourselves. We acknowledge the good in our lives and associate it with other people.
This is how we avoid the pitfalls on the path to happiness.
About the author: Emiliana Simon-Thomas is a neuroscientist and director of research for the Kindness Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley.