Three emotions that help you achieve your goals

If only we had stronger willpower, more self-control and perseverance. Everyone dreams about it. It seems that this will definitely help us to be more persistent in achieving our goals.

But that’s just how it seems. Willpower does not guarantee that you will resist temptations in order to achieve long-term goals. Most likely, at the moment when you need it most, it will let you down. Perhaps you have experienced this more than once. Think about the diets you started and abandoned, the work put off to meet friends, the extra glass.

When faced with a choice: pleasure now or reward in the future, we often choose the former. The reason is that difficult choices drain our cognitive resources. The more we resist temptations, the more likely we are to give up. Moreover, if we are not sure that current efforts will bear fruit in the future, we have little chance of making a wise decision. We are willing to make a sacrifice in the present only if the future reward is guaranteed, but this is rarely the case.

Willpower really often fails. But there are other ways to achieve results. For example, cultivate positive emotions: gratitude, empathy and pride.

They help to open up from the best side and see everyday actions in the long term. In addition, they have three important advantages over willpower. First, their strength does not deplete. Second, immediate gratification cannot “deceive” them. And thirdly, they simultaneously improve the quality of decisions in various areas of life.

Thanks

I set out to find out how the stimulation of gratitude affects behavior. To do this, we organized an adult version of the famous «marshmallow test». First, we asked the participants to think of times when they felt grateful, happy, and indifferent. We then asked them some questions like this: «Would you rather get X dollars now or Y dollars in Z days?» The sum of Y has always been greater than X, and the number of days (Z) has changed.

We found that gratitude almost doubled self-control. The subjects who recalled the state of gratitude were more likely to be ready to wait for the upcoming reward than those who recalled happiness or indifference. Also, the feeling of gratitude is associated with the willingness to make a sacrifice to help others. When we are helped and we are grateful for it, we are more willing to help others.

Gratitude also makes us more resilient. Researcher Alice Eisen found that grateful doctors take a closer look at patient records and make more accurate diagnoses. Unlike willpower, gratitude does not require much effort — we ourselves enjoy it.

Keeping a journal can help you increase your level of gratitude. Record and analyze events for which you are grateful. Enough to record two or three times a week. It is important to pay attention even to the little things, like help from a friend or work colleague.

Some people find this feeling difficult. It seems to them that the basis of their success is exceptionally hard work. If this is your case, try to remember what helped you achieve your goals. Perhaps you had a good mentor at school or early in your career. Maybe someone helped you financially or you were at the right time in the right place. Even luck, when viewed in this way, can evoke feelings of gratitude.

Sympathy

If gratitude arises from the realization that others have given us something of value, then empathy is caring for others (or ourselves) without receiving a reward.

In one study, scientists used facial modeling software. With it, they aged the faces of young participants in the experiment. They were then asked questions about their goals in life. During the interview, one group of participants was shown their real photos, and the other — aged faces.

After the interview, the participants were asked how they would dispose of the donated thousand dollars. Participants who saw photos of themselves in the future decided to spend twice as much money on retirement savings than those who saw photos of themselves in the present. Moreover, if the aged faces looked sad, the motivation to save money increased. Participants sympathized with their future selves and made wiser decisions.

An effective way to develop empathy is through meditation practices that focus on empathy and self-compassion. Even short-term training gives positive results. In one study, participants who completed an eight-week meditation course were more likely to give up their seats to a person on crutches than those who did not meditate. Also, activities in which we synchronize with others help to develop empathy: singing in a choir, dancing together, synchronized swimming.

Pride

Pride is a natural response to achieving goals and having other people recognize your abilities. Pride is based on the desire to raise one’s status in the group. Those who are proud of themselves are more likely to achieve goals and show more self-control.

Pride helps us work harder to solve difficult problems. Research also shows that people who feel pride tend to value future rewards more.

To begin to be proud of ourselves, you need to believe that we learn from mistakes and that our efforts bear fruit.

Gratitude, empathy, and pride help us persevere in the pursuit of a goal, strengthen our social contacts, which increases the chances of happiness and success. They teach us to act for the benefit of others, including our future selves.

Source: Greater Good Magazine.