Tell me, please, what can be done in order not to react to the intent and interested views of your colleague, an employee of another department?
I have a good family, a son and a daughter. I have been married for 10 years. But six months ago, a man got a job in our neighboring department, next to whom I began to feel anxious. When I run into him, he glares at me, tries to sit next to me, touch if it is appropriate. And I began to notice that I began to think about him. I do not like it. Why do I need it? I have a good family. I love my husband and I don’t want a relationship with anyone. Why do thoughts of another climb into my head? These thoughts are not love ones, but it’s still strange that I remember our chance meetings, his gaze… (Anastasia).
Anastasia, I can please you: you remember not his gaze and not your meetings … — your goal is to evoke in yourself the sensations that were provoked by a look … a meeting … Pleasant sensations … It’s like eating a cake or going to a concert. After all, it’s cool to feel — something pleasant or exciting … even frightening)))
Have you ever read some great story… a novel… a short story… that evoked bright, strong emotions in you? I think yes!
You didn’t think it meant anything, did you? It meant only that you had emotions that are pleasant to you.
In relation to a man, you also have only some emotions. But how will you interpret them, what will you do with them … This is another question. And this is what we are going to outline now!
There are many things that can evoke pleasant emotions in us — this is delicious food, and drinks, and exciting games. Will we be afraid of these emotions? I think not, if we can control our behavior!
So my tip for you is the following. First, we define one of your important features. Are you able to manage yourself? Or, in your life, you and your actions are governed by emotions, namely: the events that caused emotions, the people who caused emotions?
If emotions rule, then it’s better for you to quit this job, where you are worried about views, because you won’t be able to predict, or rather, outline how events will unfold further … After all, for people who are ruled by emotions, life is planned not by them, but by external influences. Therefore, for them, the most competent thing is to at least plan the right external influence. The right thing is within the framework of life goals. Do you have life goals? As far as I understand, there is one goal, to live happily with your husband and your whole family for a long time. So, within the framework of this goal, it will be useful to protect yourself from unnecessary exciting looks and emerging emotions that can push you to rash actions.
If you control yourself, then you can easily accept that there is some person who excites you. But this does not mean anything, except that you are experiencing some quite pleasant sensations.
Except for those moments when you think it’s impossible ..
What can’t be done about this? First of all, you need to know and accept that there are more than a dozen such people in the world who, due to their psychological and phenotypic characteristics, can excite you.
Yes, if you were a free person, you could start a relationship with one of them that excites your psyche. And you might even fall in love! Or maybe make a great couple.
But you are not free! You are happily free! This means that you will not fall in love with anyone, even from time to time slightly excited in the presence of a person.
Getting excited is not falling in love. Falling in love is the number of thoughts about another person. Therefore, calmly excited in his presence, you will always control the number of thoughts about him in his absence. You will think about children, about your husband, about other close people … If you want erotic experiences, try to remember how you were excited in the first months of starting a relationship with your husband. Or — look for a wonderful book that evokes the desired mood, state. Personally, I love Bunin’s stories very much. For example, «In Paris» … this story evokes a wonderful mood … and the state of eroticism, and love … and, what is very important for us married women — the state of devotion to your loved one, with whom he chose to live one life for two …
What is the conclusion? Do not be afraid of emotions if you know how to manage them, that is, you understand how they arise and why. Erotic emotions arise for the rapprochement of people and for the conception of children by them. And if you do not plan this — rapprochement and conception, then just calmly observe your emotions, rejoice in an elevated state))) And — forget about it when you come home. Other emotions are waiting for you there!
I wish you happiness. Different emotions. And understanding that emotions are just emotions.