Contents
This is what makes open relationships work
Couple
Open relationships have to have some rules and, above all, the two members of the couple in total harmony
An open relationship is one that goes beyond the script and the normative. This type of relationship (usually) is one in which two people have a romantic, emotional and sexual relationship with each other, and also have sexual or romantic relationships with other people.
Says Ruth González Ousset, sexologist, psychotherapist and professor of sexual and couples therapy at the Autonomous University of Madrid, that «the social script makes us think that monogamy is the only option when in reality there are multiple options. Thus, this dynamic, which may seem impossible to the most convinced monogamist, works in many couples.
It is important to understand that because the formula is beneficial to some, it does not mean that everyone can be comfortable in
such a dynamic. “There are people who feel very good about the monogamy model and do not feel any type of attraction for anyone other than their partner,” says Ruth González Ousset, adding that there is also the case of people who do feel attracted by other people «but just by imagining your partner having sex outside of the relationship, you are tormented by the idea and do not take the step of open the couple relationship».
In general, the type of people who are predisposed to have an open relationship, explains the psychologist and sexologist Silvia Sanz, are those «with mental flexibility, capacity for sexual enjoyment, and ideas that sex and love don’t always go hand in hand». So, we speak of a type of people, and couples who have emotional ties and commitment, for which there is exclusivity, being only the sexual plot that they share. “In fact, transgressing the line of the possession of the other is an element of excitement”, assures the professional.
When it comes to having an open relationship, not only a person, individually, must be clear about it, but it must be a thought in tune with their partner. «It should always be done by your own decision, keep good communication, intimacy and sincerity with your partner. It is important that both have the same concept of love, freedom and respect for the couple “, says Silvia Sanz.
Tips to make the open relationship work
For the thing to work, both professionals agree that the couple must establish some ‘rules’. “There must be previously set parameters for them: a contract, limits, a script … and this may vary depending on the demand that arises at the time, ”confirms Ruth González Ousset. Silvia Sanz’s recommendations are as follows:
– Keep a lot channels and respect.
– Be clear about what they are going to practice, both individually and as a couple.
– It is recommended that shave specific meetings, for the couple to rest from the experience. If possible.
– Do not repeat with the same people to avoid possible jealousy or emotional ties.
– That couples who practice it, do not enter with conflicts; it is important that they are in a good moment. And finally d
– Distinguish well that one thing is sex and another is the love that they can feel between them.
– You always have to do what everyone wants because they want to, not to please your partner or for fear of losing her.
Only open relationships?
Is it possible to want an open relationship with a specific partner, but not be able to have one with another? Ruth González Ousset categorically assures that it is. «Each person is unique and the bonds that we create as a couple are totally different from each other“, He says. Also, Silvia Sanz gives as an example the case of a person who has practiced open relationships and, in another relationship, establishes links with someone who does not agree. ‘You can then stay in a monogamous relationship. It is a personal decision and each person adapts to relationships taking into account their wishes and those of the other, to fit in in an optimal way, “he explains.
Finally, both therapists talk about the idea that can be had from outside that, by having an open relationship, you love your partner less. «You neither want more nor do you want less. Wanting is an emotion that encompasses many pillars within the relationship: trust, communication, sex, intimacy, commitment … and this statement would be falling into a stereotype “, says Ruth González Ousset, to which Silvia Sanz adds that there are many types of love, and having an open relationship only means that you don’t have a possessive love. “Having a relationship of this type means loving from freedom and that the people who practice it have a series of unconventional beliefs about relationships,” he concludes.