Contents
This explains why you repress your emotions
Psychology
The psychologists Valeria Sabater and Gema Sánchez Cuevas offer in «Put heart to your brain» a guide to strengthen self-esteem, assertiveness, empathy and emotional communication
“We live in a society where we are not given permission to feel,” says psychologist Valeria Sabater, who assures that the expression of emotions still looks like a sign of weakness. Sabater, who is co-author of «Put heart to your brain» together with the psychologist Gema Sánchez Cuevas, clarifies that, although it is true that it is something that is changing today, there are still many people who were instilled by their parents as children phrases like “don’t cry”, “if you’re angry, hold on” or “stop being sad about that nonsense.” These parents were, without knowing it, veritable vetters of expression and emotional understanding, as revealed by the expert.
In their work «Put a heart in your brain» (from The Mind is Wonderful for The Sphere of Books), psychologists propose resources that help to understand and manage emotions, although the first of all is, as they explain, identify them.
There are two very simple phrases that the psychologist Valeria Sabater proposes to remember on a daily basis and that can help in this regard: “I give myself permission to feel” and “I am going to try to find my balance.” The first idea, as he clarifies, requires doing something for which almost no one has educated or trained us: listen to our body, to know what you feel and to name each sensation, each state that the organism experiences and that invades our mind. “What I feel is restlessness, nervousness, fear, or could it be sadness or frustration?”
Once what we feel has been named or recognized, the most important step comes: find inner balance knowing what that emotion wants to tell us. “We must therefore ask ourselves what is bothering us and what we can do to solve it”, proposes Sabater. The ideal, sergún proposes the expert, is “not to leave for tomorrow what worries us today”, because as the neuroscientist Antonio Damasio would say, the purpose of emotions is to help us adapt to what surrounds us. “We are obliged to understand your message and make the changes that are appropriate to achieve well-being,” he says.
Call each emotion by name
Proper emotional management impacts all life scenarios. According to Sabater, well-being is gained, the self-esteem, improves the personal relationshipsand can even make it all revert to the health. And even more, because the expert is convinced that it also reaches those around us. «It is like the waves that are generated in a lake when throwing a stone with effect. We inspire others by treating them with greater respect and empathy. All of this allows us to create a healthier and more equitable world, something that would make our work settings and schools happier and more productive places ”, argues the psychologist.
“Don’t cry”, the worst of the phrases
Emotional education begins from childhood. That is why the psychologist Valeria Sabater points out that it is convenient to normalize a adequate emotional language with the children from the beginning, introducing daily questions such as: “How do you feel today? Or do I see you worried, is there something wrong? Or I like to see you happy, what is it that makes you happy?” … Something like this, according to Sabater explains, allows us to manage an adequate vocabulary on emotional expression from a young age.
In addition, it is essential that a child feel free to express every sensation, feeling or emotion. That is why it is important not to judge, not to veto the child, nor to express phrases such as “that is nothing”, “what worries you is nonsense”, or worst of all “do not cry”.
Spending quality time with them, being accessible to them and providing tools so that they learn to name what they feel is key. “We have an obligation to help them on this journey of growth and discovery,” says Sabater.