In modern Western culture, the metaphor «thin — rich» is gradually falling into disuse. On the contrary, the world is striving for body positivity, and if you think in terms of the new ethics, a figure as an achievement is banal and boring. But the connection between financial success and the fear of overeating remains, and it goes deeper than the desire to show off. This fear makes you push your plate of dessert away from you again and again, refuse popcorn at the movies and be ashamed of your own body.
Attitudes towards the body and appearance change depending on time and place. In the Middle Ages in Russia, girls stuffed their shirts under a sundress with straw to look bigger, because it was believed that a thin woman is a bad woman. And also poor. Because she does not have the opportunity to eat well. Olga Makarova, an analytically oriented psychologist, believes that in our time one can assume the same thing, but vice versa.
“Poor people cannot afford to eat protein-rich foods, consume enough fiber (quality vegetables, berries). They consume fast food, processed foods, trans fats. This is a food from which people gain fat mass, the expert explains. “Times, nutrition, culture have changed, and now a rich woman is more likely to strive for harmony, because she can afford to eat well and play sports, taking care of her health. Plastic surgery and liposuction are also not cheap. Here’s what you can say about the cultural level. If we turn to the relationship of food and money from a psychological point of view, then it is this: both can give a sense of security. You can often hear that someone is «stress eating».
This is a pattern that we all get in one way or another literally with mother’s milk (or from a bottle of formula). When a baby cries, it is fed; for a baby, food equals life and safety.
For many in a stressful situation and in adult life, food helps to restore a sense of security.
Everyone lives with a load of childhood experience, not only their own, but also family. Children born in the nineties remember that you can afford delicious food only on New Year’s Eve. If you eat an extra piece of the pie, there may not be enough food for someone else: mom, grandmother or younger brother. Growing up, gaining financial independence and the opportunity to eat in restaurants, these children are still afraid to “overeat”. Fear takes on a new form: as long as I’m thin, the money is safe. The anxiety goes away. Guilt with her.
We are used to controlling everything that surrounds us, including our earnings and our appetite. In 1975, the American psychologist Ellen Langer coined the term «illusion of control» — one of the cognitive distortions in which people tend to think that they can influence events or situations beyond their control. Kind of a way to relieve anxiety. And the most accessible instrument of control is our own body.
TalkToMe team specialist, eating disorder therapist Luiza Gilmanova believes that figure control can become an unconscious way to maintain confidence in the future. Including when the financial situation is unstable.
“For women, attractiveness is especially important, often it is the basis of self-esteem, and not allowing yourself clothes, personal care products to the extent that it was before, can be compensated by striving for harmony. This is similar to the well-known phenomenon of lipstick: in times of crisis, red lips are the cheapest and easiest option for a holiday, the specialist notes. — The desire to be beautiful, especially in times of decline, supports the core of self-esteem, if the center of it is appearance.
The body is often the object of our own expectations of ourselves, especially if the rest of life is chaotic.
Attempts to lose weight or eat right and improve your diet take away most of the thoughts, and the dominant of thinking is formed, associated with the supervalue of the figure.
Perhaps the illusion of control can be replaced by a deeper awareness of reality. The opposite of control is acceptance. Acceptance of yourself and your abilities. So, among plastic surgeons and cosmetologists there is an active discussion about such a phenomenon as unreasonable dissatisfaction with one’s own appearance.
In a number of studies, such clients have been found to have high levels of anxiety or an extreme degree — body dysmorphic disorder: a mental disorder in which a person is overly worried and preoccupied with a minor defect or feature of his body. The belief that control of one’s own body reduces anxiety about sagging in other areas has obvious implications. These are eating disorders (such as anorexia, compulsive overeating), and problems with self-esteem, and stomach diseases.
Olga Makarova adds that both food and money are connected with feelings. Both can be both ways to connect with them and avoid them. If the first is clear, then the second requires clarification.
“Sometimes people get fat in relationships. Sometimes this is such a sign of stability and security — literally, they began to eat better. And sometimes it is a “jamming of feelings”, when something is missing in a relationship (or maybe, on the contrary, there is too much of something), but there is no way to discuss it. With what we buy with money, there can also be such a story. For example, trying to buy a sense of belonging to something or someone, the opportunity to be accepted — buying things of certain brands. Or an attempt to buy the recognition of a parent and the right to exist — all the best, all the most expensive, or the brightest, the strangest, in order to be accurately noticed. Of course, it’s rare that we say it to ourselves like this: “I’m now buying this most expensive Bentley in hot pink and rhinestones so that they can show me on TV and dad, who ignored my existence as a child, finally noticed me.” No, of course, everything happens in the unconscious, and we say: «I just want this car.»
One of our psychic defenses kicks in, and we rationalize — «Bentley» is just comfortable», devalue — «Yes, I bought the first one I got», project — «I’m just fulfilling my grandmother’s dream, she always wanted to ride a Bentley». But in reality, we are connecting with some of our needs, which cannot be realized in another way (mainly because we are not aware of it).
Working with feelings helps to “improve” relationships with money and food
To begin with, at least a pause between impulse and action, or a diary of emotions, can help. I wanted to eat cake — we pause, breathe and ask ourselves how we feel now. Fear? What do I want: cake or stop being afraid? It’s the same with money and shopping.
“Each of us is a multifaceted personality with our own unique history, we are not only a body,” sums up Luiza Gilmanova. — Appearance has nothing to do with the promise of happiness or the guarantee of financial security. In the post-Soviet space, there was a connection between thinness = happiness, and if there are no algorithms for how to achieve financial well-being, it was always possible to lose weight by putting your body on another diet. And one piece of the puzzle will come together.
And from this illusion another one is born: when a partner becomes a way of support (often the only one) in a difficult period, it seems that thinness can give an advantage in competition for this resource. Remember the cartoons of the old Disney — there always a beautiful prince finds a beauty. A wealthy man has resources that can solve problems, and sometimes it seems that then life will become cloudless. But everything has a price — and in return, the possession of other wealth is offered. It seems to be an equal exchange.»
In order to understand yourself more deeply, you can take an eating disorder test.
Signs and symptoms of eating disorders:
Excessive thinness and at the same time a feeling of being overweight.
Fear of gaining weight, daily weighing.
Obsession with nutrition and constant calorie counting.
Excessive sports.
The use of dietary, diuretic and laxative drugs.
Fear is not at home, refusal to meet friends in restaurants, cafes, from going to the movies.
Anxiety on the eve of the holidays, drawing up a menu with the expectation of proper nutrition.
«Jamming» of emotions and stress, feeling guilty for overeating.