Do you often have dreams in which other people do not notice you? According to psychoanalyst Linda Leonard, such dreams can help us believe in ourselves and learn to say “no” when our boundaries are violated. How does it look like in reality? Two examples from practice.
«Why don’t they notice me?»
“Claire had dreams in which other people did not notice her. «Being invisible» is a motif that often occurs in the dreams of women whose true feelings and feminine way of thinking have been humiliated. Playing the role of guardian, Claire felt extremely responsible and eager to give everything to others — not leaving enough time and energy for herself. So she had to learn to say no to those around her and accept that she couldn’t take care of everyone.
Claire sacrificed herself when she tried to please her superiors, live according to the demands of her parents and patriarchal culture, playing the role of a “good daughter” … To prove herself, she had to wear a sexy, colorful ethnic-style dress, not a business suit. To heal, she needed to ignore the reproaches, come to terms with her torment and embody her unique psychic energy.
Reconciliation will not happen if you do not pay attention to the pain and anger that are necessarily present in a relationship. But by addressing these unpleasant feelings, we can overcome them to embark on the path of personal growth — the path of understanding, empathy and love. Claire learned to listen to herself, obey her physical and emotional limits, say «no» when necessary, and resist anyone who violated her boundaries. She learned to be natural — the way she really was.
«I have to overcome my fear!»
“Julia saw that her archetypal feminine energy (both dark and light) must find its external expression, otherwise it will continue to poison her life. “I can no longer avoid the problem of anger and power struggles and must overcome my fear.” Recognizing her power, Julia began to allow herself to express her anger.
If necessary, she entered into an argument with her mother, and also, not embarrassed, began to stop other people if they spoiled her mood. By directing her anger in a natural direction and engaging in open confrontation with those who tried to intimidate or blackmail her, treated her harshly, she became more confident in herself and was able to achieve what she needed.
Now she felt that there was no need to take care of anyone. To get rid of excessive concern for others, she integrated the positive qualities of the “dragon woman” (self-confidence and self-affirmation) and used them for herself and her creative expression. Now the dissatisfaction of her mother and other people no longer spoiled Julia’s mood as it used to be. If people told her taunts, she told them how she felt.
For more details, see L. Leonard “Meeting with a crazy woman. Live, overcoming fear, anger and resentment” (Klass, 2013).