Contents
- Elena, 31 years old, head of the infertility treatment and IVF department of the medical center “I feel involved in a miracle”
- Varlin, 85, sociologist ‘Life still inspires me’
- Shutting off from the world
- Natalia, 32, art critic “I want to do something of my own!”
- Reject the annoyance, bitterness and fear
- The first step is to surprise yourself
Some of us approach life with admiring interest, without succumbing to apathy or disappointment. How do they do it? How to develop this ability in yourself – or, more precisely, to regain it and not lose it again? Elena, Varlen and Natalia told us about how they managed to keep a childish view of the world.
Elena, 31 years old, head of the infertility treatment and IVF department of the medical center “I feel involved in a miracle”
“I am grateful to fate for the fact that I have such a wonderful profession – a business that suits me very well. Even 30 years ago, patients like mine had no chance of knowing motherhood. In vitro fertilization has become a revolution in the treatment of infertility, it gives every woman a chance to have children. The ability to carry and give birth to a child is a real miracle. At first glance, I do not encounter seriously ill people. And yet the stories of my patients are often stories of suffering, despair, hopelessness. It is impossible to get used to it, I ardently empathize with them and really want to help. Therefore, the happiest, most amazing moment is when I inform the patient that she is pregnant. I see confusion, fear, delight, and almost always tears! But I feel some kind of special joy, a spiritual uplift from the consciousness that I am involved in this huge, turning point in a woman’s life. I went into medicine because I wanted to be needed. I’m proud to have found my own way. There were no doctors in my family, but my parents gave me the opportunity to make my choice, for which I am very grateful to them. The work completely captures me. I remember all my patients. Formally, our relationship ends when they become pregnant. But it is important for me to know how it proceeds, whether the birth was successful, I feel responsible for these women, I follow their fate. Many of us become friends. I see meaning in what I do and it’s really inspiring.”
The ability to admire, to admire what is happening around, we are gifted from birth. To be convinced of this, it is enough to observe a child who is only a few months old. With what pleasure he looks around! Everything attracts him, captures, delights. The child expresses his joy of life with his whole body – he laughs merrily and cries out, discovering something new or recognizing something familiar. He wants to touch, smell, taste everything – a butterfly and a flower, his father’s beard and his older sister’s doll, a blanket and a hat. But something will happen in thirty years… The change is striking. Having matured, in a strict business suit, he flies on a long business trip. The stewardess smiles at him, but he does not notice what an amazing shade her green eyes have. When dawn breaks, the plane flies over the mountains. The beauty of the mountain landscape is breathtaking. But none of the passengers sees her, no one looks out the window – except for the woman in seat 4A. This is not the first time she has taken this flight, but the sunrise again and again fascinates her – she is fascinated, she cannot take her eyes off. She is delighted.
“WE ARE BORN WITH THE ABILITY TO RESONATE WITH ALL THE GOOD THINGS IN LIFE”
“When vivid impressions excite us, we come into strong resonance with them,” says existential psychotherapist Svetlana Krivtsova. “We instantly feel an inner movement, a flow, a warm wave that rises from the depths. It is she who is experienced as admiration, supreme satisfaction, delight. This acute feeling reflects our attitude to the world, our trust in life and in ourselves – it turns out that we are still able to react so strongly!
Varlin, 85, sociologist ‘Life still inspires me’
“The joy of creativity, delight, admiration, curiosity – I feel everything the same as at the beginning of the journey. Life still inspires me. I have been in sociology for over half a century. In the beginning, during the thaw, my colleagues—bright, courageous, talented scientists—we fought together against official dogmatism and for the establishment of scientific sociology. This environment inspired and nourished each of us. Now I have moved away from empirical research, switching to theoretical work. And this is also a struggle in which I defend my views. I am convinced that standing up for what you believe in is one of the main components of happiness. But not the only one. I have a long-standing circle of reliable, loyal friends. Together we experienced so many beautiful and exciting things: we went to the mountains and kayaks, invented and staged musicals, the theme of which was the difficult life of Russian science. We have common interests and beliefs, we can rely on each other in everything, and our bond is stronger than family. This friendship is a huge gift of fate. In all matters, my family invariably supports me – my wife, with whom we have been together for 43 years, and our son – our pride. For 10 years now, I have been starting my day with an hour-long Taoist yoga class, which mobilizes not only the body, but also the mind. I no longer go hiking, but every summer I travel – to Montenegro, where my son works, to Valdai, where we have a house. I admire the nature of these beautiful places, the magical spectacle of sunrises and sunsets. I live a full life, and every day gives me moments of happiness.
Shutting off from the world
We are born with the ability to resonate with all the good things in life, says the therapist. But the older we get, the less often we experience this amazing experience. Obligations, responsibility – worries absorb us so much that we become impenetrable to the unpredictable beauty of the world around us, its secrets and magic. “Children are emotionally very open: admiration, surprise are the most natural feelings for them,” explains Svetlana Krivtsova. – Growing up, experiencing resentment, failure, pain, many of us (often unconsciously) decide not to take risks anymore. But, closing ourselves from the painful, hurting, traumatic, we also close ourselves from the beautiful, amazing. Alienation arises, for which we pay with boredom, apathy, disappointment, loss of meaning.
Growing up, we seem to gradually exchange our ability to admire for the ability to understand, resist, control the world through which we move towards our goals. “In order to endure all the bitterness and rudeness of existence, we choose either idealism as a way to reduce reality to a concept, or its opposite – materialism, a sad and tragic path that rejects any intellectual explanation,” states philosopher Bertrand Vergely.
Natalia, 32, art critic “I want to do something of my own!”
“Every morning I wake up with the feeling that something amazing is waiting for me today. I guess I read too many adventure novels as a child. And for me, life is first and foremost an adventure. That’s why I missed school so much, although I studied easily. I read a lot – in the books there was something unusual, fascinating, exciting, which I did not find in my life. And at the university where I studied art criticism – it seems to be, what is more interesting? – everything was poisoned by the routine system of teaching. I didn’t even like high classical art for a long time – it seemed too harmonious and correct. As a student, I dreamed of working at the Pushkin Museum. But there would have to wait more than one year for the opportunity to do something on their own. And, alas, I am not a patient person. I need everything now! Fortunately, when I finished my studies, private galleries began to appear, exhibition activity began to seethe. I immediately started doing my own projects: one, the other, the third… It didn’t always turn out well, I didn’t have enough knowledge and skills. But there was such a drive, such a delightful feeling of absolute freedom! Now I am working on a project to modernize the Polytechnic Museum. Since the 70s of the last century, it has, in fact, ceased to develop, almost mothballed. And I really want our team to be able to turn it into a lively, modern center, attractive for adults and children. I realized that life gives a huge number of opportunities. Everything is allowed! Just think and do.”
Reject the annoyance, bitterness and fear
But there is a third way that we often neglect: admiration. Not naivety left over from childhood, not a property of nature, not a character trait (which only a few are endowed with) – but a conscious, free choice: to reject annoyance and fear and to treat the world openly and with curiosity. As Bertrand Vergely says, to set foot on the “philosophical continent”.
“To admire is to decide for yourself that you stop worrying and gratefully enjoy what happens to you,” he summarizes. Easy to say, but how to do it? The philosopher offers us a hint: to admire is to agree to understand … not everything. And don’t try to explain everything.
Trials, difficulties, anxiety deprive us of the ability to admire. But it is they who can give us back this ability. “The delight of an adult is an experience that comes from the very core of his nature,” says Bertrand Vergely. “This is the fullness experienced by those who have made up their minds and overcome the feeling of inner emptiness … Truly enthusiastic people are amazing creatures. They make great, passionate fighters against injustice.” Nothing to do with naive innocence!
The first step is to surprise yourself
Tell your story
“Our ability to admire — the scenery, the music, the team you love, the brilliant idea, you name it! – depends primarily on our (fundamental) attitude to life, – Svetlana Krivtsova agrees. – From how we answer ourselves the question: “Is life good or bad?” If we are positive (“yes, life is beautiful, no matter how difficult it is”), the wave that rises in us from contact with beauty is multiplied and grows into admiration. Conversely, if the fundamental attitude is negative (“life is unbearable”), it dampens this wave. Then it’s hard for a person to see beauty, it hurts, even causes irritation, aggression.” Whether to look at life with admiration or in some other way is a matter of personal choice. It is a work, a definite path, a realistic and concrete decision to take a clear stand. But the first step to admiration is to be surprised at yourself, like a child who discovers for the first time that he, it turns out, can stand on his own, without support. To be amazed at ourselves is to discover what we have not seen before. And be willing to be touched by the beauty and absolute mystery of life.