They don’t want to be friends with your child…

A son or daughter comes home in tears: “No one wants to be friends with me …” Your heart shrinks with pity. Perhaps at this moment you are remembering that you did not have friends in elementary school, and even now it is not always easy for you to communicate with others. There is a fear that the child repeats your fate. I want to protect his feelings, protect him from negative experiences. And in response you say: “Everything will pass, don’t be upset”; “It only seems to you, dear. There’s nothing to worry about here.» Or like this: “They don’t want to — and they don’t need to. But you have a dad, mom, grandmother and brother. It seems to us that such phrases reassure children, but in fact they hear something completely different: “Do not believe yourself: you have no reason to be upset (that is, to feel what you really feel).” Most often, after such “consolations”, the child continues to complain or, on the contrary, withdraws into himself. How to act in such a situation?

Ask yourself what the child is experiencing now: bitterness, resentment, pain? Tell him about it — best of all in an impersonal form: «It hurts and hurts when they don’t want to be friends with you.» Many parents find it difficult to acknowledge the negative experiences of their child: they hurt, and we seem to protect ourselves from them. But try, and the result will surprise you. First of all, such recognition for the child means that he can trust his feelings, and ultimately — himself. He will know that there are things in life that are really worth worrying about. And that he has a friend—at least one who understands him. It will be easier for him to tell you about what really happened. Having learned the details, there is no need to rush to intervene in the situation. Friendship of children is a delicate matter. After a confidential conversation, the child will most likely be able to draw conclusions for himself — and make a decision. Active actions of an adult are necessary only in an acute conflict situation, for example, when the team does not accept a child who has obvious physical disabilities. In this case, it is necessary to find another environment for him: a school, a studio — in a word, a place where children live in a special atmosphere — cooperation, common cause, interest in each other.