They don’t cheat on you, or 7 ways to defeat the neurotic in yourself

How does a healthy person who is not prone to neurotic behavior behave? First of all, such people live a harmonious and fulfilling life. They respect themselves and know that they are worthy of love. They do not waste time looking for evidence that they are being cheated on, because there are more useful and interesting activities in their lives. These people know their worth and choose as friends equal in spirit.

What to do if you want to change and become a healthy person? After all, a neurotic state is, of course, a deviation from the norm. Seven helpful tips to help you change.

1. Realize that you are fine

You are a human being and you can make mistakes, this is normal. We learn from mistakes. There is not a single person who would not be mistaken. Do not look for flaws or shortcomings in yourself, everything is fine with you. Go to the mirror and sincerely tell your reflection: “I love you.”

2. Believe that you are loved

Sometimes people devalue a good attitude towards themselves and try to earn the attention of those who are indifferent to them. Many face this – remember the cases from your life. It could be your high school years trying to earn the friendship of a popular girl in your class who didn’t care about you. Or you have a public speaking experience where one of the listeners openly expressed distrust to you. And now you forget about all those people who are interested in, and switch your attention to the “dissatisfied”, try to please him, earn approval and respect. But are these people worth your time and attention? And how do you deal with those who are interested in you, who are kind to you?

Think about it. You may want to reconsider how you treat others. And you will see all those people who love you, but you did not notice it before.

3. Be aware of destructive behavior

Get a notebook and during the week write down all the cases when a neurotic state manifested itself. Write down what topics provoke you and who is the culprit of the “torment”. It can be a husband / wife, mother, father, children, work colleagues, friends. When do you start blaming yourself or the people around you for not being loved? For instance:

• check the partner’s phone, his messages on social networks;
• think out, fantasize and bring yourself to tears with thoughts that you are not loved;
• search in social networks for a former partner and evidence that he/she loves him/her, but not you (joint photos, fresh likes);
• roll scandals out of the blue in order to obtain evidence that you are loved (manipulation).

You can supplement these points with your own observations.

Write down all thoughts and actions, even if they are repeated.

4. Change your behavior

The third point is mindfulness training: I see, I realize, I change. By the end of the week, you’ll have a list to start working on—consciously changing behavior.

When it covers with a “neurotic wave”, and you will already know for what reason it arose (see point 3), change the position of the body and switch to physical action. This will help change the train of thought, relax the muscle pattern that provokes destructive thinking. Gradually you will develop the ability to control your thoughts.

What physical action to take? You can:

• do any breathing practice for at least three approaches (yoga, qigong);
• squat 100 times;
• jump in place 100 times;
• do house cleaning;
• go to the gym;
• or find your own action that will help.

In the future, when you learn to switch attention from one thought to another, you will be able to do without physical exercises.

5. Limit your interactions with friends who are prone to neurotic behavior.

It’s contagious when people discuss the same topics and feed each other’s destructive behavior. Tell your friend about how you can consciously change your behavior. If she does not want to change it, then ask to communicate on other topics: cinema, art, fashion, the last book read. If this does not work, then limit communication with the neurotic for a month.

6. Find a passion, a hobby

Learn something new, discover talents. It can be long-forgotten childhood hobbies or something completely new. When you are busy doing interesting things, you simply do not have time for destructive fantasies. Creative energy will increase, and the skill of switching thoughts will grow. You will find like-minded people, interesting projects will appear, and this will fill your life with something completely new and exciting.

7. Take up yoga or meditation

Practicing meditation and concentration will help develop mindfulness. If you are new to yoga and there are no contraindications, then I recommend doing vinyasa, when one asana (exercise) replaces another at a fairly fast pace. This will help to relax, calm the mind and get rid of extraneous thoughts in class.

If there are no contraindications, I also recommend techniques for body-oriented therapy – dissolving blocks according to A. Lowen. This will help you love yourself for who you are. Accept with all the pluses and minuses. Be harmonious, loving, open and live a full happy life.

And at the end of the article, I want to ask you a coaching question that will help you discover your vision, find the best solutions, look at your life from the outside: “What ways to make life even happier do you know?”

Write down those ways where you do not need outside help, and you yourself influence life.

Imagine that a year has passed, you are happy:

• What are you wearing?
• Where are you? Who is next to you?
• How do you move, talk?
• How do you interact with people?
• What are you doing, what are you interested in?
• What talents have you discovered in yourself?
• Who are you when you are happy?

Think, dream and use these images and methods in your life.