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These are the couples who have the most desire for sex in their forties
Couples who live together during confinement have a less active sex life than couples who deal with this situation separately
They are “forbidden” to see each other and we already know that everything that bears that “label” tends to have their power of representation increased. attraction. Contrary to what is happening to couples who live together during confinement, those who live apart these days seem to have exponentially increased their desire to be together intimately. According to the psychologist and expert in couples therapy Lidia Alvarado, the explanation is, on the one hand, that those couples who do not live together have doubled (or tripled) during the confinement period the number of times they speak per day by phone or videoconference. . And on the other, because the usual thing is that many of those conversations revolve around the plans they will make when they can be together. «Daily fantasize about what they will do at the time of their reunion and during the following days and live thinking about the need to take advantage of lost time a great stimulant that feed the passion y increases sexual desire“, Explain.
The psychologist and master’s degree in Clinical Sexology and Sexual Health Mónica Branni also confirms this greater sexual desire in these couples, who refers to data from a recent survey by Platanomelón, according to which the desire it would have almost doubled among people who spend confinement separated from their partner (56%) compared to those who live confined as a couple (29%). The lack of accessibility feeds erotic tension, increases libido and forces us to find new ways to interact sexually, such as “sexting”, according to the sexologist.
Sexting, an upward trend
One of the growing phenomena these days is the «sexting» (practice that consists of sharing fantasies and communicating sexual desires through technology). In fact, according to the Platanomelón study, 70% of the couples consulted who live apart claim to have tried it during confinement. This practice can have, according to Mónica Branni, a negative part related to an exhibition of photographs or videos through a formula “that is not always safe”, but it also implies a positive side since it leads couples to have to make an effort in improve the loving communication and the ways of expressing themselves to explain their tastes, their desires and their fantasies. «This allows you to experience a way of eroticism different, remotely, yes, but a little more transversal. It is a positive experience, but we still do not know if it will be a temporary phenomenon or a real and lasting change in interpersonal relationships, “he says.
What can quench passion
Sexual desire, however, behaves very differently depending on how the couple experiences this situation of uncertainty, since in the case of those who live together during confinement, according to Mónica Branni, the opposite effect to that of couples living apart. «Sharing the same space 24 hours a day can be a source of conflict, either due to the lack of personal space, or the daily friction of coexistence or even the Stress or the anxiety that produces a situation as particular as the current one for many people ”, he clarifies.
Another aspect that can contribute to “take away the desire” may be the fact that there is a greater tendency to neglect the erotic part of the relationship in favor of other activities of leisure that involve less effort such as watching a series or a movie together, cooking together or signing up for a video call with friends.
It could be said, as Mónica Branni explains, that if the couple is “within our reach” or has “availability or accessibility” 24 hours a day, the tension or erotic charge loses strength. “It seems clear that when you put effort into something or take an interest in achieving something, you give it more value. But if it gives the feeling that we have it within our reach or that we can enjoy it at any time, it is not that it has no value, according to the expert, but it is given less importance than if it were dedicated energy and time to get that meeting. Therefore, that forced availability It does not lead to seduction, or to go further in the sexual encounter, but rather to a certain apathy, “he explains.
The psychologist Lidia Alvarado shares this opinion, who reveals that, in this context, the feeling of “Miss the other” Well, somehow, spending the whole day with the couple without the possibility of having a moment of evasion The value attached to being with her decreases. “You may love an omelette but if you eat it every day for more than 30 days in a row, you will probably want less or nothing at all. The truth is that people begin to value things when we do not have them or when their access is limited. It is easier for you to feel desire for your partner when you can only see her for a few hours a day than when you see her 24 hours a day, ”argues Alvarado.
But this lack of passion It does not have to be negative in the case of couples who in return manage to reinforce, according to Monica Branni proposes, other aspects of their relationship that are also important such as the complicity privacy connection and those gestures of sweetie that were forgotten in the day to day when everything was “normal.” This is something that is not only positive at this stage, but it would always be. In fact, the expert thinks that it would be great if we learned to maintain it over time and not just contextualized to the confinement stage.
In addition to the deterrent effect of “easy availability” cited by both experts, there are four other factors that can influence the reduced sex drive in the couple who share confinement in the same home, as Lidia Alvarado summarizes in this way:
1. Anxiety and mix of negative emotions
The levels of anxiety due to health emergency circumstances are much higher and anxiety is a great enemy of sexual desire.
To this must be added that there is a mix of negative emotions motivated by the uncertainty, fear and sadness generated by the daily news.
The head is on something else and that diminishes the desire. “If the couple were forced to live in a situation without Covid-19 inside a luxury hotel, for example, the passion would probably be reactivated, at least for a few weeks,” he says.
2. Physical neglect
During coexistence in confinement, it is not uncommon for the physical appearance to begin to be neglected and habits are acquired that would not be ensured if one left the house, such as spending all day in pajamas, putting on the same clothes over and over again even if they have stains, or have dirty hair or unkempt beards.
3. Wear of the “Siamese” effect
The bed partner becomes a “room mate” or roommate. In fact, as the psychologist Lidia Alvarado explains, spending all day glued and doing everything together can lead to a change of roles that turns off passion.
4. Lack of limits in teleworking
Another aspect that influences the lack of passion is that there is no dividing line between the work and rest or leisure. «The hours in front of the computer increase, time is reduced to communication, moments of relaxation, space for laughter and for games … Things that, by the way, are necessary ingredients for the spark that fuels passion to emerge» , Add.
In short, so that confinement does not take its toll on a couple’s sexual life, both must be clear that in sex the expression “take for granted” must be banished. Who said that sex life necessarily translates to having sex naked in bed? The seduction, the sweetie complicity, the game, the discovery or the experimentación they must also be “confinement companions.” The most important thing is to get out of that comfort zone and that “take for granted” to conceive sex as a formula to connect and have fun. Only in this way, as Monica Branni proposes, will it be possible for that couple to turn this situation into an incubator to improve their erotic communication. And that happens, and if that is achieved, the ideal would be that this new formula would be the norm and not the exception.