There are more “butterflies”. The psychologist warns: take a look at the children

– There has been a significant increase in young people with eating disorders. They have been outside external control for a year. They do not go to school, nobody is watching them and, living mainly in the virtual world, they lose touch with reality – says therapist Sonia Ziemba-Domańska, who also suffered from anorexia and bulimia in the past.

1. Sonia follows the internet forums of girls who do not approve of their appearance. He talks to them on the web and makes them realize that the disease is fatal
2. The therapist warns: Look at your children. If you see that they are dieting restrictively, using diuretics or laxatives, and exercising intensively, or eating everything out of the refrigerator and then disappearing down the toilet, know that there is something to be concerned about.
3. Anorexics and bulimics cope with the network, how to starve themselves or how to quickly vomit a meal
4. You can find more such stories on the TvoiLokony home page

Psychologist and therapist Sonia Ziemba-Domańska has an internal radar. It is he who allows a young woman to feel every “butterfly” from a distance. This is what anorexics call themselves – girls who want to be lighter than a feather. They are masters of pretending to their parents that they eat, have an appetite and that everything is fine with them. In fact, they hide uneaten breakfasts, lunches, and dinners in the most unexpected nooks and crannies.

Bulimiczki Sonia will easily recognize it, for example by the broken blood vessels in the eyes or the hands injured by provoking vomiting. Because each bulimic in one sitting can devour almost the entire contents of the home refrigerator only to throw up everything in the silence of the bathroom.

I was so exhausted that I didn’t have the strength to get out of bed

Sonia was also a “butterfly”. She fell ill 21 years ago as a teenager. Right after her mother died of multiple sclerosis.

– I’ve always been a big girl, such a classy fat man. The children were mocking me. So I wanted to lose weight at all costs. And when there was less and less body on me, I felt happier. Becoming more like a skeleton took about 36 months, I ended up in the hospital. I was so exhausted that I did not have the strength to get out of bed, there was no question of walking – recalls the 36-year-old.

Sonia struggled with the diagnosis of bulimic anorexia intermittently for eight years. During this time, she was able to swallow whole packages of tablets for laxation.

— It was hardcore. I gobbled myself unconscious. Pregnancy saved me from the complete destruction of my body. I realized that I could not continue this nightmare any longer, because I would hurt the child. I started looking for doctors who would get me out of this madness. Managed to. Today I think that if it weren’t for my daughter, I would probably still be ill. Or was she already dead? – wonders.

See your true self

Among other things, Gestalt therapy helped Sonia’s recovery.

– This method which assumes that the source of problems are unmet needs in childhood. I learned from the therapist that the reason for eating disorders may be, for example, that as children we felt unloved, what our family relationships were like, whether there was violence, sexual abuse or alcohol at home. Or whether the parents were too demanding, disciplining for the slightest offense. Even whether the family sat down to eat together and celebrated food can have an impact on whether a child or teenager develops anorexia or bulimia, explains Sonia.

Group therapy also proved to be helpful.

– Because together we supported each other in recovering from the disease and in the perception of our body. We drew our silhouettes on the floor with chalk to see how sickly they were. mirror portraits. All this to see your real self: not imaginary and oily, but as a skeleton covered with leather. With time, I learned even more about anorexia and bulimia because I graduated from psychology and became a therapist myself – she says.

Anorexia and bulimia lead to death

Today Sonia follows Internet forums of girls who do not accept their appearance. He talks to them on the web and makes them realize that the disease is fatal.

– Girls deal with each other how to hide from the environment that they do not eat for weeks. How to discreetly vomit, how to get medications to make it easier. What to exercise to burn as many calories as possible. I know all these tricks from my own experience: that food can be hidden in large pockets or wide sleeves. Pour the soup into the cup under the table and then put it back into the pot. Napkins, handkerchiefs, breakfast paper, flower pots, plastic bags can also be used to hide and then throw away food – says Sonia.

And she adds that anorexia and bulimia are like a parasite that infects the brain and becomes an obsession.

They can mask themselves very well

A separate matter is masking the disease. “Butterflies” share their experiences in secret support groups: do not eat while being watched. When someone is watching, it is only to pretend to bite. Talk a lot during meals, because it distracts the attention of those around you. Often get up from the table, pretend to receive an SMS, give the impression that something important has just been remembered. Pretend to be drinking but actually spit the food out into a (opaque!) Cup. It is best to move the food on a plate frequently, play with it, chop it up, take a fork and put it back. Over and over again.

And the fact that anorexic women: talk about cooking, know recipes, bustle around the kitchen, and willingly prepare salads for the family.

But they live by themselves on a lettuce leaf and water. They do not eat. And bulimics disappear in the bathroom, they also vomit into plastic bags.

Her heart could not stand it

– In virtual conversations with these girls, I never hide the fact that I suffered from anorexia and bulimia. Thanks to this, they trust me, they feel that I understand their problems. They are often surprised: «How is that? So I can talk seriously about all my problems with an adult? ». I saw many of them later as a therapist, I managed to persuade them to undergo treatment. I saved many of them from death – smiles Sonia.

– The first symptoms are difficult to detect, because the patients hide them diligently. But both anorexia and bulimia are related to the fact that both disorders are psychological and are dangerous to health and life. In my therapeutic work, I had a fatal accident: a young girl died during hospital treatment and therapy. Though it seemed that he was recovering, her heart could not stand it.

Eating disorders are diseases of civilization

What else does anorexia do? For example, osteoporosis, infertility, and menstrual arrest. The consequences of bulimia nervosa are damage to the back wall of the throat and esophagus, stomach laxity, pancreatitis, caries and ulcers on the back of the hand.

– Both anorexia and bulimia are also atrophic changes of the brain and deep depression, which many people lead to suicide – emphasizes Ziemba-Domańska. – Eating disorders are diseases of civilization, they arise, among others, from the desire to be perfect, the pressure to have a slim figure, and to a large extent also from addiction to social media. Anorexia and bulimia are attempts to deal with internal pain and involve enormous suffering. Especially now, in the troubled times of the COVID-19 pandemic, he emphasizes.

From the beginning of the epidemic, the therapist noticed that the number of young people with eating disorders had increased significantly.

– Mainly because they have gotten out of external control, do not go to school, nobody is watching them, they communicate mainly virtually. They are losing touch with reality. This isolation affects the mental condition, causes anxiety and depression. And focusing attention on controlling eating: drastic restriction, overeating and excessive physical effort are for them a way of dealing with emotions, gives them a sense of agency – explains Sonia.

1. The editors recommend: Generation Q, or childhood under the sign of quarantine

The psychologist appeals: take a look at your children!

The therapist appeals to the parents: – Take a look at your child. If you notice that you have started to lose weight restrictively, do not want to eat joint meals, use diuretics or laxatives, suddenly start intense workouts, eat a large amount of food from the refrigerator and disappear in the toilet for a long time after eating, then know that there is something to worry about. Especially when he becomes irritable, rude and wears loose clothes – he lists.

Unfortunately, people with an eating disorder will not be able to cope with the disease on their own. They need specialists and only properly selected therapy can help overcome the fear of gaining weight and change the way they see themselves and their own bodies.

– It’s not easy because girls focus on eating instead of feeling and expressing feelings. They feel alive by starving. That they are stronger than the body trying to force it to eat anything. They believe that they “only” control their weight. And they are very attached to their anorexia, it gives them a sense of strength and even pride. Therapy allows them to understand that there are much healthier ways to solve problems. Treatment is long and not easy. It is crucial to understand your own feelings and family relationships.

We encourage you to listen to the latest episode of the RESET podcast. This time we devote it to the problems of the perineum – a part of the body just like any other. And although it concerns all of us, it is still a taboo subject that we are often ashamed to talk about. What do hormonal changes and natural births change? How not to harm the pelvic floor muscles and how to care for them? How do we talk about perineal problems with our daughters? About this and many other aspects of the problem in a new episode of the podcast.

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