Children rarely tell their parents about their secret games and rituals. But adults know them – from the Internet, the press or … their own childhood. “It is important to talk about this with the child,” advises psychologist Galiya Nigmetzhanova, “and set the boundaries of what is acceptable.”
Galiya Nigmetzhanova, leading psychologist at the Moscow psychological center for family support “Contact”.
Adults are frightened by the games that children 8-11 years old arrange in secluded places, in the camp after lights out, or at home if their parents are absent. These are experiments with strangulation and pressure on the solar plexus to put a volunteer to sleep; “beautiful padals” – on their backs and without insurance. These are rituals, such as “blood fraternization” … Younger students are actively exploring the possibilities of their bodies. Having already experienced (usually at the age of 5–7) anxiety from the realization of the fact of a person’s mortality and having got used to it for a while, the child moves further in understanding the vital activity of the organism – it is “fun” for him to observe a violation of the rhythm of breathing or a state of short-term fainting. By participating in experiments, he feels himself a part of a unique, closed community and at the same time feels his own power and significance. In addition, younger students (especially boys) are attracted by a combination of pain and fear, followed by euphoria, pleasure – which is associated with a consistent release of adrenaline and endorphins into the blood. It is important to set the boundaries of what is acceptable in such games. Find a reason to talk about a similar experience from your childhood (if there was one), about the experience of friends, about what games you played, how you were afraid and overcame fear, how you did not cross the line of pain. Explain that it is not a shame to refuse to participate in what is unpleasant, it is not a shame not to succumb to “weakly”. “Weak” is different for everyone, and it is impossible to adapt to the expectations of each friend.
It is important to help the child “grow” with the experience of physical effort and overcoming muscle pain in joint travel and sports games. Make sure that he is physically loaded enough (sports help you understand your capabilities and build a good relationship with the body). It’s worth starting to worry if such games are “delayed” in the child’s life (as a rule, one or two “rounds” are enough to get out of this situation). And of course, the “fun” of older teenagers aged 14–18, associated with strangulation in order to achieve an unusual psychophysiological state close to toxic ecstasy, is much more dangerous. Their desire to repeat extreme bodily manipulation has nothing to do with the first “dangerous” games and requires deep work with a psychologist.
About it
“The secret world of children in the space of the world of adults” Maria Osorina
The book consistently examines all stages of the development of the child’s physicality and the surrounding space. Talking in detail about the children’s community, psychologist Maria Osorina helps adults understand the meaning of many situations and phenomena (Peter, 2011).