One might think that the youngest are the darlings, that they have more privilege than their elders, more hugs … But according to the many observations carried out by child psychiatrists, whatever the rank of birth, the child has certain privileges and also constraints.

As Marcel Rufo explains, this notion of age rank in siblings has become obsolete. What is most important in the development of the child, in his relations with his parents or in the construction of his future is his personality and his capacity to adapt to change.

Parents today read about education and have access to many sources of information that allow them to progress quickly.

Going for a psychologist or asking for parenting support has become common, whereas it was a shame and a feeling of failure before. Marcel Rufo believes that “parents have made such progress that the divisions between elder and younger have disappeared”.

More confident parents through experience

What can be considered a privilege for the youngest is the assurance that his parents have taken mercy from the first child. With the elder, they were able to discover themselves as parents, to experience their degree of patience, their desire to play, their resistance to conflicts, the correctness of their decisions… and overcome their doubts.

Parents now have the will to question themselves, to improve. They learned about childhood psychology from the media and are able to learn from mistakes made with the former.

For example, if they were too quick to learn to ride a bike for the first, they will be more flexible for the second by giving him time to discover for himself. This will prevent everyone from the tears, the stress, the anger experienced with the elder.

So in this context, yes we can say that the youngest is privileged by the feeling of assurance and security that gives him attentive parents.

The cadet builds himself with the examples he has around him. His main role models are his parents and his eldest child. He thus has more experienced people available to show him, play, laugh. He is protected by the older ones and feels safe.

Constraints and consequences

This situation is ideal. But that’s not always the case.

The youngest may arrive in a family or he is not wanted. In which the parents have neither the time nor the desire to play. The limited exchanges with the first child will create even more a feeling of competition or opposition between the children. The cadet position is not at all a privilege in this situation.

On the contrary, he will have to redouble his efforts to have his place. If competition is intense among siblings, he may experience a situation of isolation, hatred, endangering his capacity for integration.

Parents (very) protective

He may also feel that he is suffocating under too much attention from his parents. Adults who do not wish to age will have a position of dependence vis-à-vis their younger brother.

They will tend to keep it “small” to calm their anxiety about aging. He will have to fight to gain autonomy, leave the family home, and build his adult life.

Either by copying, or by opposing his elder, this particular position which can make him want to stand out from others can have several consequences on his personality:

• The development of creativity;
• A rebellious attitude towards the choices of his elders;
• A seduction of the elder to achieve his ends;
• Jealousy towards other siblings.

The eldest had to fight for pocket money, evening outings, bedtime … for the youngest, the way is clear. His elders envy him. So yes there are situations that will be easier for him, that’s for sure.

A desired and expected cadet must above all fulfill parental expectations. In this case, he may be tempted to bury his own desires to meet those of his parents. The eldest left home, it is the younger one who will bring the hugs, the kisses, the narcissistic reassurance to his parents and that can be heavy for him.

Overprotected, he risks becoming very anxious, a phobic, a person uncomfortable in society.

The position of the youngest can therefore bring certain privileges but also strong constraints. Depending on family situations, and the way a situation is experienced, the youngest will feel less like a chance to be the last of the siblings.