The young are bolder in bed

“Appearances are deceptive. Of course, in words now everyone has become free. It is enough to listen to radio programs designed for teenagers: there are more taboo topics. This is also true for the images broadcast by advertising, the Internet and television series: sexuality is today considered one of the main signs of subjective well-being and learned freedom. Of course, one can only rejoice at the disappearance of accusations of immorality, the spread of contraception, the emancipation of women who now do not risk being rejected because of the lost virginity.

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But does this mean that today’s young people have a much more vibrant sex life? Not necessary. After all, neither free speech nor the achievements of society save us from the need to go our own way of becoming. And it is associated with internal unconscious conflicts. No matter how they look at us from the side, first of all we ourselves put our sexual desire on trial. This desire is complex, it consists of conflicting impulses: it is greedy curiosity, and a share of aggression, and a conflict of loyalty. It is not easy for us to accept all these impulses in ourselves. The evidence for this is that, although younger people are more relaxed in words and behavior, the average age at first sexual contact has shifted by only half a year over the past three generations, even though puberty seems to start earlier.

What does this persistence mean? The fact that there is a natural term for the formation of personality. After all, physiological ability is one thing, and psychological and emotional readiness is quite another!

But in today’s world, no one cares about that. In response to society’s high expectations, young people feel compelled to live up to the degree of freedom of their expression. One must please at any cost, become attached to another and be able to bind him to oneself.

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Not feeling fully ready for sex, young people are forced to look for ways to delay it, which is why they increasingly resort to oral sex at an early age, mistakenly considering it an element of flirting. A wonderful way of “courting”! When young people indulge in such games without realizing their meaning, are they thereby realizing their freedom or devaluing the essence of the relationship? Are those liberated who seek sexual experience and try all the options in order to keep up with their peers? And is “friendship with bonuses” liberating just because you can do without a love feeling in it? Do we feel freer if the partner is no longer so important to us and we are not obliged to love him?

Sexuality is a very complicated story, and every generation approaches it, trying to find workarounds. It was so in the past, and so it is today. Only the language we use to talk about it has changed.”