“The Years Gone”: Why are women made to believe that all the best is in the past?

I recently read from a blogger whom I previously respected: “It is crazy to think that you will always be loved and desired. Sooner or later, a man turns towards those who are younger – this is how nature works. And this is what a modern, young woman says – I wanted to pour a glass of cold water on her!

However, unfortunately, this is a common point of view, which deprives women of the desire to move forward, enjoy life, and make plans. The age of a woman is a huge prejudice imposed by society.

When I was twenty-three, I got married, gave birth to a child, and the doctors at the maternity hospital believed that I was old-born. Later, I decided to get a divorce, and my mother-in-law, as an argument against it, said: “No one will need you, especially with a baby.” I got divorced, but I began to stare at myself in the mirror and look for new wrinkles. It was painful and unpleasant for me that I was getting old and, as I was assured, soon no one would need me.

These thoughts about age kept me going until I was thirty. Fortunately, later my outlook began to change. I liked myself more and more in the mirror. In addition, I achieved a lot in my life and I had something to value myself for, something to rely on.

From now on, I live with an internal attitude: every year I become more beautiful, lighter and younger. And now, when I am almost forty, something happened that did not happen at twenty – many men are courting me. But now I myself choose worthy.

Yes, sometimes I go to beauticians and take care of myself, but this does not fundamentally affect my appearance and inner confidence. The main thing is that I got rid of these attitudes that paralyze the life of even a very young woman. These ideas are that soon no one will need me, and therefore, a priori, I must be content with little and endure a lot from men.

I think that a good example of what happens to a woman who does not follow the lead of society is my mother. She is in her sixties, and not only does she look great, she is interested in life, but she is also surrounded by admirers much younger than herself. She feels in demand and desired even now – this is how the difference in thinking affects the results of life.

Our thoughts guide the physical shell, and we look exactly the way we feel. I think it is very important to introduce sexuality into your life at any age, it is extremely useful for a woman. After all, vital energy is in many ways identical to sexual energy.

Calling a woman an old woman already at the age of forty, society takes away the energy of movement from her. Therefore, it is important to ignore stereotypes and go your own way.

“Vital and sexual energy are sides of the same process”

Daria Petrovskaya, gestalt therapist

The story sounds sincere and alive. I share the opinion that vital and sexual energy are sides of the same process. This is the energy of life, according to Freud – Eros. When a person feels this drive within himself, it is transferred to the environment and read as a young energy.

It is possible that much younger fans for the heroine and her mother are a kind of flagship, living proof of their own vigor. Or maybe it’s just a pattern – thanks to their own activity, youth seems to be attracted by itself. One way or another, any development option is beautiful when it is congruent with internal sensations.

“A time to scatter stones and a time to collect them.” Sometimes a person needs silence, contemplation, sometimes active drive and adventure. And it has nothing to do with age. Everything is appropriate if it does not run counter to the internal request. However, the desire to maintain libido into old age should not become an end in itself.

Libido is simply life energy, and we can direct it in any direction, from meditation and creativity to sexual intimacy.

“Sexy is a hot sauce, not a main course”

Natalia Artsybasheva, gestalt therapist

I support the position of the heroine in terms of revealing her feminine attractiveness with age. However, I hear notes of revenge here: you scared me, but I showed you all! It is useful to answer the question: what need am I satisfying? If this is really a need for play, flirting and sex, great. If a veiled way to overcome previous grievances and raise self-esteem, then it is not the most effective.

Interestingly, the attention of men here looks like a criterion of their own value. Not an internal feeling of oneself, but an external assessment. However, everything that is outside is too shaky a support. Can such a position be considered an adult? I think that growing up is when the ingratiating “does he like me?” is replaced by “are we suitable for each other?”, that is, to a partner’s equal view.

Our life has become long, and the question of what to do with ourselves when the “biological mission” is completed, and there is still a lot of energy, is more relevant than ever. After living half our lives, we usually find out who we are and how to manage it. There is an opportunity to learn, develop, reach a new level. If we do this, then confidence is gained with experience.

Therefore, I would not absolutize sexuality in such a way. This is one of the elementary ways to handle your energy, but the feeling of satisfaction from it is fleeting, and you cannot build a mature identity on it.

Sexuality is a hot sauce, not a main course. It can add drive, but a person has a different hierarchy of needs, we need meaning in life. The expression of the heroine that it is necessary to “introduce sexuality into your life” sounds somewhat aggressive and forced. Rather, it is important to realize that there is a choice of where to direct your energy and what to get satisfaction from.