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Each of us has a friend who often takes offense at others, considers everyone around him to be guilty of his misfortunes and tries to attribute his mistakes to external factors and the actions of others. Or maybe you yourself have noticed similar behavior? ..
The syndrome of the victim is called an acquired personality trait or habit of considering oneself a hostage of circumstances and humbly enduring resentment from other people. You can be a victim in relationships with partners, parents, or even your own children. The person in the role of the victim does nothing to remedy the situation, and in doing so makes excuses for himself and blames those around him for the mistreatment. Why is this happening?
Comfort zone
When it comes to the victim syndrome, a person, no matter how absurd it sounds, is comfortable in this state. Although he does not enjoy the current situation at all, but really suffers from what is happening to him, he has secondary benefits that are very attractive and do not want to lose them. For example, the unfortunate are given more attention, you can count on the disinterested help of others, and so on.
In other words, the “victim” does not want to grow up, make decisions and take responsibility.
The situation cannot be called comfortable or good, rather, it is familiar and familiar. That is why it can be so difficult to change something, and often already unsafe situations become a comfort zone. That is why it is necessary to learn to distinguish between the real danger and the psychological state, that is, the real victims of crimes, abuse and those who are subject to the victim syndrome. Sometimes these two concepts intersect in one person, but this does not always happen.
Difficulties to overcome
Why is this syndrome so difficult to overcome? Oddly enough, but being happy is much more difficult than being unhappy. When we take life into our own hands and get out of the state where “everyone is to blame”, it becomes necessary to take responsibility for our decisions and actions. And this means that you have to look for the causes of your misfortunes in yourself. Not to ask why and who is to blame, but to find out why I created all this in my life. And then comes the moment of truth, for which not everyone is ready.
It’s hard to admit your mistakes and change.
In most cases, people are in a victim state unconsciously. If you open a person’s eyes, he most likely will not agree with us and will answer us sharply. Why? Because in reality he may not understand this or does not want to lose leverage for manipulating others.
Own internal changes are also fraught with certain difficulties. When we get out of the state of the victim, the usual topics for discussion disappear: there is no more reason to “grind the bones”, complain, and the environment is often not ready for our changes, therefore, it perceives what is happening with hostility.
Unfortunately, sometimes even the closest ones do not accept our transformations and try to return them to their usual state. And here the choice is ours: to change the circle of friends, finding those who will support us, or to obey the demands of friends and relatives and become a hostage to the usual role.
How to get rid of the position of the victim?
Confession
As long as we deny that we can be in a victim state, it is difficult to start moving and change the state of affairs. We simply do not see what will help us change the situation, and we blame everyone and everything. At the same time, the feeling that we are not able to influence the behavior of others drives us into even more stress, since it turns out that our life depends on other people. Awareness of the problem is already a big step forward.
Responsibility
Many consider freedom in life to be the absence of responsibility, trying to find stability in external attributes and trying to seem ideal in their actions. Therefore, we often do not express our opinion and do not defend our interests, because we are afraid of condemnation. With this approach, it is difficult to admit your mistakes or wrong decisions.
At the same time, the realization that our ideality lies in our uniqueness and openness makes it easier to go through life. We do not waste time proving to anyone why we are worthy and entitled. As a result, we no longer need to blame everyone for the fact that we failed. We just continue on our way and fix what is not working yet, and the responsibility for previously made decisions gives true freedom. As soon as we take this responsibility upon ourselves, we gain the power to create our life in the format, with those achievements and events, as we ourselves desire.
Focus of attention
As we take responsibility for our lives, we begin to cultivate awareness and manage our focus of attention. What we focus our eyes on, we strengthen. And if we begin to notice in our lives and in the people around us something for which we can thank them, we increase the amount of goodness and achievements in our lives.
At a certain point, we no longer want to stay in the “everything is bad” position. We automatically look for something that pleases and energizes. In this way, we not only get rid of the victim syndrome, but also add auspicious events and positive people into our lives.