What helps moms and dads cope with all the hardships of parenthood? Love for children, properly selected antidepressants and an excellent sense of humor.
Sometimes children are real joy and fun, and sometimes parents have something to laugh about, because other options do not make sense. We have compiled a selection of funny tweets for you about difficult parenthood.
1. “You only understand the true meaning of the word sticky when you pick up your offspring’s tablet / phone.”
2. “Does my husband clean dishes for our children? Well… he finishes their pasta and leftover cutlets.”
3. “Son: “I can’t find sneakers.” Me: “Where did you last see them?” He: “On my feet.”
4. “I don’t wear white when I have these days. Days until my children grow up.”
5. “Children are my everything. In the literal sense of the word: over the past five years, they have methodically destroyed all the equipment and other things that are dear to me.
6. “Me: I go home, close my umbrella, dust myself off. Daughter: “Dad, is there a storm?” Me: Yes. Daughter: “Did you get hit by lightning?” Me: “No, don’t worry, I’m fine…” Daughter: “Well, wow…”
7. “Nothing brings a family together like turning off Wi-Fi.”
8. “What do you know about deceit! The kids are pissed at their dad for eating all their chocolate cereal, when I really screwed them up. Ha ha!”
9. “I asked my son to put the cars in the toy box, to which he said that our whole house is one big toy box. And you can’t argue…”
10. “Who needs those expensive lip fillers when your little one can hit your lips with a toy train for free?”
11. “Sorry I’m late; the daughter finally agreed to eat the soup with a fork.”
12. “My child wants to be independent only in those moments when I am late around.”
13. “Becoming a mother for the third time, I was convinced that I was capable of much – even of what I had never guessed. Like ignoring all three children at the same time.”
14. “I yelled at the children to be quiet, because because of them I can’t hear my wife yelling at me.”
15. “My teenage daughter is way too much for someone whose social life depends entirely on access to my Wi-Fi.”
16. “My four-year-old: “How long has dad been inside you?” I: ??? Daughter: “Well, how long was daddy in your stomach before you gave birth to him?” Me: “Oh my god! Sunny, it wasn’t me who gave birth to dad, but your grandmother.”
17. “I almost coughed, but there were children sleeping nearby, so I had to hold my breath. She almost died, but she didn’t wake them up.”
18. “My daughter dreams of growing up as soon as possible to pee standing up like her older brother. I missed something in her education.”
19. “I told the child: “I will count to 10, and you run and hide!” — and now I’ve been sitting quietly drinking coffee for 15 minutes.”
20. “Those who say: motherhood is wonderful, enjoy every moment, apparently never tried to feed a child mashed broccoli.”
21. “I:“ Have you noticed what a fine fellow I am today? Never lashed out at the kids.” Husband: “My mom has them.”
22. “The children missed one snail in the aquarium and blame me for everything. It made me want to somehow tell them that once in Paris I tried snails in a restaurant!”
23. “Daughter: “What happens to people after death?” Me: “Let’s talk about something more pleasant?” Daughter: “Why does your butt sway like that when you walk?” Me: “You see, when a person dies, he or she…”
24. “Few are better behaved than a child whose sibling has just been yelled at.”
25. “Girlfriend: “Well, how did you rest?” Me: “How did you ever see a hint of vacation in the phrase “went camping with the whole family?”
26. Me: Time for bed. Son: “First I have to tell you something important.” Me: “Come on.” And he retells eight seasons of SpongeBob.
27. “I don’t want to brag, but in the last 19 seconds, none of my children have cried, hit another, wet their pants or asked if they could drag a crow from the street and name it Musya.”
28. “Man without children: “Well, no, you are doing everything wrong! He will definitely have an injury, then he will have to go to a psychologist for a long time … “Another parent:” Oh, are they alive and well?! Yes, you’re just great!
29. “What I tried to make my daughter fall asleep early:
- persuasion;
- bribes;
- blackmail;
- threats to tell Santa Claus everything;
- dark curtains;
- a lighter dinner;
- a denser dinner;
- active games before bedtime;
- quiet activities before bed.
What helped: Nothing.