The two best gifts a father can give to his daughter

This is not an apartment, not a car, not a diamond ring, as one might think. Material goods are good, but by themselves they will not make her happy. A father – the first example of a man in a girl’s life – can teach her daughter to value and respect herself and expect the same attitude from other people. That’s what she’ll need the most, says family therapist Susan St. Welch.

Thinking about the upbringing of children, we attach great importance to the material well-being of the family, we care that they eat right, be provided with medical care, books, toys, clothes. Of course, we think not only about basic things. We try to read fairy tales to them at night, entertain them during the holidays, come up with touching home rituals, and help with homework.

All this is certainly important. But there are also much deeper issues.

Often we talk more about the role of the mother and underestimate the role of the father. Meanwhile, how a girl will treat herself as an adult, what kind of relationships she will develop with men, largely depends on her father’s figure. Here are two truly precious gifts a father can give to his daughter.

1. Help her understand her strengths

The first and main gift is to help her see her uniqueness, those special qualities that he sees and appreciates in her (and which she herself may not see and appreciate). It is his duty to let her know that she is unique and one day she will meet “the same” man who will also see and appreciate her individuality. A healthy self-esteem of a girl is built on this understanding.

Its strengths may include:

  • kind heart and capacity for compassion,
  • honesty and the ability to uphold one’s principles,
  • wit and the ability to amuse others,
  • the desire to develop and learn new things,
  • strength of mind and perseverance, helping to overcome difficulties.

The list of qualities that a father should support and develop in his daughter is much more diverse.

2. Teach her to respect herself and expect respect from her partner.

The second precious gift that a father can give is to teach his daughter to understand if a man respects her, to consider respect as necessary, and never settle for less. Of course, it is important that everyone around her is respected, but in a love relationship this is especially important. If not, then next to her is not the man she needs.

It is often difficult for fathers to understand the feelings of a daughter when a romantic relationship first arises in her life. Setting to expect a respectful attitude towards oneself is necessary, first of all, at the stage of teenage loves. At this time, the father will have to be there if he wants his daughter to fully assimilate and accept her.

The image of the father largely determines how the daughter will develop relationships with men in the future.

Why is it so important? Firstly, then the girl will consciously look for those positive qualities in a man that she sees in her mother or father. Secondly, none of the parents wants their daughter to learn from her mistakes, getting traumatic experiences, if this can be avoided. But, if there is no healthy role model in front of her eyes, she will unconsciously look for those destructive traits in a man that she saw in her father or mother, in the hope of healing the emotional traumas of childhood.

The image of the father largely determines how she will develop relationships with men in the future and what she will think about them in general.

There are no schools that teach the art of raising children. And if in your childhood you yourself did not see a positive parental example, how do you know how to behave and what to do? Fortunately, today you can find a lot of sensible books on this topic. You don’t have to be perfect to teach your daughter the most important things. Try to do your best and accept the fact that mistakes are inevitable. We all comprehend parental wisdom on the go and at least sometimes do something wrong. The main thing is that actions come from the heart and are dictated by love for the child.


Source: lifeandrelationships101.com

About the Developer

Susan St. Welch is a family and child psychotherapist from California.

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