The true truth, or a textbook for a psychologist in life (N.I. Kozlov)

This is a book about a tasty and healthy life. As a lively and biased interlocutor, she will help an ordinary person to discover a psychologist in himself — a practicing psychologist, a psychologist in life, and for those who are already a psychologist, not to lose the Human in themselves. Since the true truth is always voluminous, the book will help you see, in addition to your own truth, the truth of another person, the completely different truth of men and women, and the universal truth — the truth of children, which each of us seems to be. The book answers a lot of hilarious «hows» in earnest. Especially for young people — how to get acquainted on the street, for everyone — what games do we play when we just live, why do we quarrel and how to live differently, about the strength of weakness, what really determines our attitude towards betrayal and what is the Code of a decent person — in general, how to become rich and healthy, not poor and sick. On the pages there are psychological workshops and tests, meditations and provocations, business information and necessary anecdotes, that is, everything that real life can and should be filled with.

The true truth, or a textbook for a psychologist on life

Everyday life of a normal person, or a very personal life through the eyes of a psychologist

man playing

Probably, I am a bad psychologist, because for a long time I believed people. I believed that if they say so, they feel it.

Of course it’s not…

Reflections at the courtyard entrance

What thoughts can there be if there is no shop at the entrance?!

Alca

I think she was about five years old, at least on her tricycle she rode freely without thinking. I noticed her when she stopped and, rising on her bicycle, calmly and loudly shouted to her friend: “I can’t stand seeing you!”

• I wonder what series she got it from?

So, she strongly threw this phrase, picked up somewhere, after which she carefully began to observe what kind of funnel the projectile she fired at her friend formed.

… Her friend, however, turned her back to her indifferently. Failure?

A couple of minutes later I saw her already escaping on a bicycle from a little older guys, to whom she demandingly shouted: «Don’t bother me!»

• Don’t come up? And why did you so diligently traveled around them, in every possible way attracting their attention? And why is your face so happy now?

Yes, the «I can’t stand to see you» game hasn’t worked yet, but this one, the game called «Don’t pester me!», is already playing well.

The girl, it seems, will enter adulthood prepared. She will already be able to take offense and blame, be sad with all her heart and despair with all her soul.

• She will do it so well that you will believe her.

Probably, I am a bad psychologist, because for a long time I believed people. I believed that if they say so, they feel it.

• Of course, this is not so.

There are options, and my children, Vanka and Sasha, show me the most clearly.

• They are already eleven and ten.

Here we are thinking about how we, the whole family, can organize Sunday.

— Sash, there is a proposal on Sunday to go to the canal in Krylatskoye, to the Source. What do you think?

Whatever the answer was: “Great, cheers!” or “Oh, well, I don’t want to!”, you can be sure: Sasha reflected in words what was in his soul. If he likes the offer, he says: «Yes.» If you don’t like it, then «No».

What is there not to understand and why am I telling such an obvious thing for so long? But because Vanka solves the same problem in a completely different way!

If he hears such a question, then, in order to determine the answer, he looks … not into his soul, no. He carefully looks at all those present and — weighs a bunch of circumstances. For example:

• who has what mood;
• who wants this very Krylatskoye, and who does not;
• how much he wants and whether it is possible to play on it, given that in this case, it seems that they will not go without him …

After evaluating the initial data and the balance of power, he models what the reactions of mom, dad and Shurik will be to what he says “Yes!”, For example, like this:

• enthusiastically;
• with an indispensable condition to take kebabs and Nastya there;
• languidly indifferent…

Or, for example, if he says «No»:

• politely expressing the opinion that perhaps the family may have other interesting plans;
• lowering his shoulders and feigning fatigue, with anguish and anguish;
• scandalously and extensively informing everyone that he would never go to this stupid Krylatskoe for anything.

Having calculated the situation in this way, he chooses the most suitable option for him and gives out the desired emotion …

The calculation is made instantly and, as a rule, without errors. If you need to win the favor of the parents, most likely, he will give out «Yes» with an intonation of enthusiasm and joy. If he decides that it is more interesting to create a situation in which everyone would persuade him, Vanechka, he will say “No” with shoulders, longing and fatigue. If you want to take revenge on your mother, he will make a scandal.

• And so on — all options are very logical. And I think most parents are recognizable.

Obviously, Vanya is not deciding the question of Krylatsky, whether he wants to go there or not; he decides the question — how to use Krylatsky, what attitude to express to this in order to make the situation (not an objective, but a personal one, a situation with people significant to him) the way he needs it.

Vanya is a player.

• Shura, of course, is also a player, but their qualifications in this case are incomparable.

Kitten games

We are relaxing by the sea, we live in a cozy private apartment, and a kitten has got into the habit of visiting us. A normal good red kitten climbs onto our knees and into the bed. He wants to play, but I have other plans. I drive him, and he climbs. Cat lovers can think as badly of me as they want, but I give the children a task: «Send the kitten away!»

The children liked the task. Vanya takes the kitten affectionately, the kitten purrs, Vanya takes him out the door, the kitten comes back for him.

• Vanya pretends to be indignant.

I give a hint: “You just need to slap him!” Well, Vanya affectionately took the kitten in his arms, carefully carried it outside the threshold, let it go and there slapped. The kitten did not like the slap, and in a second he was back in the room, already under the bed.

Here Shurik joined Vanya’s cheerful indignation. Joyfully pushing, they climbed to the kitten under the bed and with a squeal began to chase him there. A few minutes later the kitten was again outside the threshold, but he definitely liked this fuss under the bed.

• And he returned almost immediately.

I formulate the task more rigidly: “Vanya, make sure that the kitten does not return to us!” Vanya carefully took the kitten and a minute later returned without him with a satisfied report: “I took him behind the iron fence!”

Since the kitten practically followed him, Vanya feigned indignation, shook his finger at him and took him again. Same way.

• It seems that Vanya liked to let the kitten go there, and the kitten — to get out of there.

…I soon got tired of this performance. When I said «Shoot!» and slapped the kitten, he ran out of the room. The room became quiet, the kids took up their books again …

• But their heads kept turning towards the door: they were waiting for the kitten to return.

Much clearer: the children enjoyed playing with the kitten. They — from the head — honestly carried out the assignment, but with their souls they rejoiced when the kitten returned. They were playing kitten chase. They drove the kitten away, but not completely, but in such a way that the kitten would definitely return.

• And then the game is over.

I looked at my children, I looked at the ginger kitten — and I saw other children and other games.

Players

«Well then, you’re just an idiot!»

— Yes? And I’m still talking to him? My feet won’t be here!

“Well then, get out of here!”

— Well, I’ll leave, also for me, the treasure was found!

Ordinary quarrel of lovers

For my taste, such a quarrel is not the best entertainment for people who love each other, but if they chose to have fun in this way, then they needed it for some reason. And there is no reason to be indignant here: “Oh, how they are gu.e., because they love each other!” All wrong. Their quarrel is a quarrel game, just as their love is a love game. They need both games and they are attractive, they organize it with selected partners and according to a scenario that suits them.

When they play love, they don’t love. To love for them is too expensive and not necessary at all. What, to actually take care of the other, and not about yourself, to make him the center of your life, in fact, to be ready to sacrifice your interests and life without payment? Well, I do not. Therefore, love rustles only on the surface of their relationship, they only put love on themselves, and inside, under this quivering skin, these children are busy with something completely different.

• How? I’ll tell you later, but don’t you guess?

They play love, because being without games at all is boring for any children, and this game, the game of love, is allowed and prestigious. It nourishes directly and makes it possible to unleash other rich games that follow from it.

• For example, such a delicious quarrel.

They play love, and the next minute they play fight.

• Moreover, in their minds, these games do not contradict each other at all.

Why quarrel

Why do they need it? Why do they — and other children — arrange and play a quarrel?

Well, how…

The joy of revenge always lives in a quarrel. Revenge on whom is another matter. Revenge directly to the partner for a word a minute ago. Or — for the lack of warmth last week. Or — for the lack of love twenty years ago.

• Twenty years ago, we felt that our parents did not love us, and now we take revenge on them in the person of a partner. In the face of a partner.

Further. Big Quarrel against the background of Big Love — it looks. This is Events, this is Cool. There is something to worry about, there will be something to remember.

They are the Heroes of these Events, and it’s exciting. They are bold, resolute and u.e.t shoulder, as those in power. Remember: “Well, get out of here then!” — and eyes burn.

• Here you can even admire yourself.

Well, naturally, a quarrel will give each of them the opportunity to suffer, and then each of them will be able to feel sorry for themselves.

• And it’s the tastiest of all.

And, almost always, a quarrel is an integral component of their research work. Specifically, in it they explore the playing field of their relationship: the strongholds of each, the strength of the attack and the reliability of the defense, the interest in each other and, accordingly, the prospects for being well fed.

• So that you yourself eat next to another from the belly, and pay the minimum.

And in this respect their quarrel is not much different from their love; these games grow from the same root and cover very similar motives. I am not admired by their love and I am not crippled by their hatred — because there is neither love nor hatred here. What is there? There is a common solution for each of their personal problems using the other.

Yes, and also, I was told the most important thing: people play games when they don’t have a real one.

Sometimes they talk about it in other words: games end when a person finds his Way. His Present begins, and then his games end.

Little Verochka, or the Creation of the Great Professor

Until they show you, you won’t see it. Until Berne told me that every child is a Professor of Psychology, I was in the conventional wisdom that I am smart and a child is a child.

• How else? After all, if we get smarter with age, but still not very smart, it means that in childhood we are completely stupid. Is it logical?

Everything is logical, but it seems that everything is not so in life, and you begin to see this from the moment you calmly look at a child — any small child! — and you will see in him the Genius of Communication. Just take a closer look — without prejudice and lisping: “Oh, little one!”, And you will see what a virtuoso psychologist he is, how he subtly and freely processes the situation, making it the way that suits him.

Verochka is two years old, new uncles came to visit her mother and are discussing something animatedly, drawing on the leaves with colored felt-tip pens. Verochka approaches so that she can see everyone and that everyone can see her. Naturally, they pay attention to her, and here is a friendly smile to the child and the question sounds:

— What is your name?

– … …

Vera is attentively silent and looks interested. Here’s another, why should she answer — just like that?

Fussy and a little anxious, mom turns on:

“Well, what are you—what’s your name?” What don’t you say?

Okay, after waiting a pause, Verochka turns on the image of a naive fright on her face and huddles closer to her mother:

— I do not know!

And hides behind her mother’s skirt.

• Although, if you look closely, her satisfied eyes smile.

Mom is at a loss, why is this daughter forgot what she knows very well; she feels a little embarrassed and rushes to hug her little daughter in order to protect, of course. In fact, she asks her daughter to do her a favor: “Well, be smart, answer as expected!”

• The daughter examines the guests and the situation and, it seems, is in no hurry to respond to her mother’s request. Also, teach…

The guests have already turned on and began to urgently smile. Firstly, towards the mother, so that she would see their support and stop being so complex: “No, you are a good mother, your reputation is not tarnished at all!”, And also towards Vera — to apologize for being so scary. Everyone knows that little children are not afraid of good people, and if Vera persists, then …

• Verochka, we are good, really! Oh please!

On the other hand, everyone is happy, because the mother demonstrates her beloved child, adults worry about how big and powerful they are, and the child receives giant portions of attention.

• And arranged all this — little Verochka.

But it’s time, the pause is delayed, and Verochka makes the following move:

“Mom, what are they playing there?” (And pulls his hand.)

– Are you interested? Well, let’s go see!

(… Oddly enough, Verochka is standing and not going anywhere.)

— Well, what are you?

— I’m afraid.

There is! A simple «I’m afraid» and the situation is created again! Mommy again spins around Verochka-Sun, persuades her not to be afraid and tries to budge in a different way. Vera, on the other hand, stands quite, carelessly eats her mother’s attention and calmly, I would say enlightenedly epic, examines what she looked at before. With the slightest movement of her soul, the girl turned the souls of all adults to herself, made herself the center of the Universe, and now she is evaluating her mother whether she will be able to cope with her fear.

• It is obvious that she will cope with it no earlier than little Verochka allows her.

The calculation was, as always, accurate: if she had not initially made an interest, no one would have worked with her «I’m afraid.»

• You’re afraid — well, we won’t go.

If she had shown interest and hadn’t said “I’m afraid,” she would have simply looked closely at what she saw anyway — which is not bad, but rather poor. And having made a bunch of «interesting» and «afraid», multiplied by «I’m sweet and weak», she took the situation into her own hands and tied all the adults with steel ropes.

• Without any tension. After all, these are childish games for the Great Professor.

I see no reason to assume that the Grand Professor loses his qualifications with age. With age, the set of winning games is refined, new ones are mastered that work even more subtly and give him maximum winnings.

• Or maximum losses to his partners in the games.

Nevertheless, everything is extremely honest here, if only because — let’s not forget, no less weak professionals play against every Great Professor every time. Together with Vera, this situation was prepared and acted out by her mother, allowed and deployed by other adults — each played one of his crown roles.

• Life goes on, that is, the most cheerful and great Game.

Therefore, let’s not be naive. If in life we ​​see awkward, timid, weak and completely helpless people of any age, then we can be sure that this is only a mask. This is every time the creation of the Great Professor of Psychology, his talentedly found theatrical vestments, his whim and his maximum pleasure.

The night before the exam

«Gav, what are you doing here?»

— I’m afraid.

— Great! Let’s be afraid together?

From a cartoon about a little kitty

The beginning of summer, the end of an unsuccessful session and an awkward day in the hostel. Tomorrow is the exam, but I have no strength left. Alina goes to bed, and then a mouse ran across her bed

• A-ah-ah!!

Alina squealed wildly, jumped up and after that sat all night on the balcony. In the morning there was none, the exam, of course, flunked.

No matter how the heroine objected, I will argue that she needed it: she chose to scream in bed and, most importantly, chose to sit in the dark and alone on the balcony.

• When there is an inclination in the soul, the choice is already natural and uncomplicated.

The scream after the mouse had been prepared by years of screaming before and went off easily. Jumping up was also easier than not jumping up. Further: in order to go to bed again after that — and fall asleep, work was required, even the smallest one: to breathe calmly, to realize that if this had not happened a year before, then most likely it will not happen in the near future.

• And what Alina did was much simpler: she just yelled and just sat down on the balcony, where she was simply carried away. And now you can only shake and do nothing.

And most importantly, by suffering so thoroughly, she created a base for future cries and sobs in her life. Behaving smart, that is, taking responsibility for the situation on yourself, is dangerous.

• I would say stronger — fraught.

After all, God forbid, she will be convinced that someday (and not just sometime, but always) she can take herself (and the situation) into her own hands, she can be an adult and responsible. Did it once, so maybe next time. And if it can, then you have to do it … So, you have to work and deprive yourself of the sweet pie of self-pity.

• Chur, chur me, why do I need this on my head !!

And if I was shaking like a helpless fool today, as always, it means that my confidence in my own helplessness has strengthened even more. And I can go on mentally lounging and sweetly squeaking in safety.

• And it’s better. For the sake of this, you can suffer a little.

But why suffer? Feel it: sit in the night, wrapped in a blanket, smoke and listen to the wind, plunging into darkness, tears and slumber … — did you feel it?

• You probably haven’t allowed yourself such a meditative session for a long time. And she used this luxurious opportunity.

And you can feel sorry for yourself poor and beloved, and now you can not worry about the exam.

Indeed, what are the exams after such a mouse?

All you need to know about your stupidity and suffering:

More about cats

A cat came to the man’s house. She came to the man and stayed with him, because here she was warm and comfortable. She was beautiful and did not hide her beauty, you could stroke her, and then she purred. When the man just sat, she rubbed against his legs with pleasure.

• It was hardly like she was stroking him, to a greater extent she received strokes for herself.

But this suited the man, and he left the kitty. And then…

Then the kitty got used to it: she began to meow loudly when there was no milk in the bowl, she was no longer a guest on the bed, but the hostess, and when she was driven away, she resentfully let out her claws and scratched. And it was no longer possible to understand whether this was a joke or seriously.

• However, a cat can climb onto the bed carefully, but always lies down as a hostess. This cat didn’t even climb up anymore — she jumped into the bed like a mistress.

And today a man kicks out a kitty. He tells her, «Get out of bed!» — but the kitty only stretched. The man got up and slapped her — the kitty lazily jumped off the bed and left the room offended. And then she returned, looking at him reproachfully.

The man read his newspaper and stubbornly did not look at the kitty, but she came up and again began to rub against his leg. He told her angrily: «Go away, you’re tired!», Kitty thought and went to her kitchen, to her sour cream.

• The next evening, the kitty sat on his lap again.

…Kisa will not leave him anywhere, because she is wise. She will be with him because she needs him, and also because she knows that she is — such — a man needs. Today he needs to expel someone, and he, except for her, has no one for this. He will drive her away, but she will definitely return, because:

Every woman is a cat. She always walks by herself and always chooses her owners who will give her the fattest sour cream.

• Of those, of course, who will let her on the threshold.
  

This man kept his door open, and a woman began to come to him. She came to the man, because here she was warm and comfortable. She was beautiful and did not hide her beauty, you could stroke her, and then she purred. She didn’t care if she was needed here: she knew she wanted to be here. And she knew that whoever didn’t want her was a fool.

• Well, you fool.

The man was not a fool and wanted her. Some time. And then…

Then the woman got used to it: she began to express dissatisfaction when a man paid less attention to her than she would like, she walked around the house no longer as a guest, but as a hostess, and when she was made to understand that she was not invited to this position at all, she pouted resentfully: “ You don’t respect me as a person!» And it was no longer possible to understand whether this was a joke or seriously.

And today a man says bad words to a woman. He tells her: “I don’t need you!”, He tells her: “Go away!”, And she strokes his hand and looks at him warmly and caringly.

She won’t leave.

A man will get angry, say harsh words to her, prove that they should part, but she will not leave. He will insult her, she will respond with tears in the same way and more painfully, they will begin to say terrible things to each other — but they will be together for a long time. She won’t leave.

• Or, having left, he will definitely return.

A woman will not leave him anywhere, because she is a woman. She will be with him because she needs him, and also because she knows that she is — such — a man needs. She knows that in his heart a man is happy with this evening entertainment, this game of driving away.

It looked like he needed to fight today, and she was happily there. And now he finds out if he can drive her away from him, she proves to him that this will not work for him. They do not want to disperse at all, they simply measure their strength.

She sees how menacingly he pouts, how much he puts his soul into a conversation with her. And if she leaves — with whom will he quarrel so mentally? Yes, he is just afraid that she will leave.

• Now he is burdened by a relationship with her, but if she leaves, he will be burdened by the lack of a relationship.

And the woman knows it. They quarrel with her — it means that she is needed.

The woman will leave when the man stops quarreling with her. When the conversations stop, when he no longer needs to prove anything to her, and when her words, even the most offensive ones, will fly past him into the void — as if from a stranger. Whether he leaves or she leaves — it doesn’t matter anymore, they will part. They will part because the Games are over and the main thing has been decided: «We are parting.»

Accepted by reason. And decided — with the heart.

A few words before

Among our wonderful readers, I am sure, not all of them are academicians who are wise by experience and tired of life, someone else enters into life and gets acquainted with life with pleasure. And in particular, he wants to get acquainted with creatures that are attractive to him, whom he sees all the time on the street — because, unlike you, he is often on the street and, even more unlike you, many creatures there seem to him exceptionally attractive.

• And inaccessible.

And he needs a little help. Tips and support. Therefore, these pages are for him.

How to get acquainted on the street (philosophy, exercises and a selection of the most successful ways)

Like a vision, elusive

Every day you pass by…

For someone — elusive, but for someone … — Hello, Svetik!

In truth, the members of the Sinton Club, the Sintonites, do not need to look for acquaintances on the street. Considering that a rich and free Club is always seething next to you, wandering the streets and pestering frightened girls is a rather stupid occupation, it’s like biting your nails drearily instead of using scissors fun. However, as a training, the practice of dating in the Sinton Club is quite respected, since it teaches a lot and reveals a lot.

Knowing how to get acquainted is just like riding a bicycle: you can do without it, but sometimes you realize that a ride would be very useful, and, most importantly, not knowing how to ride, you feel a little inferior in the face of a bicycle. On the other hand, overcoming the fear of «getting to know each other» is experienced in much the same way as if you wake up in a new world, discover a new country, acquire a new dimension!

• Breathing is free, eyes are shining, life is beautiful!

After walking around this new country for you, soon, however, you become not so cheerful, but a little wiser. From afar, without speaking, you can tell a lot about the people passing by you offhand, you have a much better idea of ​​​​your capabilities — and your limitations … And most importantly, you stop being tormented by the illusion that your problems are that you can’t the one (ah! I think she just passed!) the only one that will make you happy. You begin to understand that the chance to find your happiness through casual acquaintances is little more than making a fortune looking for wallets lost on the street …

And slowly, passing between the drunks,

Always without satellites, alone,

Breathing in perfume and fog,

She sits at the window.

It’s true, it happens: until you get to know each other, every drunken accountant seems to be a beautiful Stranger.

• Why «asleep»? What else can she do in a restaurant every evening?

It may not be necessary to get rid of all illusions, but I have always preferred to make a Fairy Tale out of life, not closing my eyes for this, but creating it with my own hands.

Specifically, this corner of the book was born from a generalization of the experience of the best dating experts in Moscow. Perhaps you will condemn them: “What kind of specialty is this ?!” True, if “getting acquainted” is someone’s only specialty, it’s pretty stupid, but my acquaintances are people with diverse interests.

• And one more thing, to justify their hobby: you may not like it, but girls love them.

At the Patriarchal

Why Lada slowed down at the Patriarch’s Ponds, she does not remember, but suddenly a young man in a beret appeared in front of her. He just walked over and stood in front of her. It was so easy and natural that, hearing his calm: “Hello!” and meeting with a smile, she realized that she wanted to smile back. It was like hypnosis and magic, but, looking at his face, she experienced two completely different feelings at the same time: the first — I do not know this person, the second — I have known him all my life. He stood in front of her the way a person who has known her for many, many years stands. «Where are you now?» — «In Inostranka …» — «Let’s go together, it will be interesting!»

Lada carefully examined his beret …

• Patriarch’s ponds, the sun at its zenith, a little rattling air… Let’s go!

When they walked, she did not have a question why, in fact, they were walking together and what he wanted from her. He doesn’t need anything! And she doesn’t need anything, it’s just really interesting together.

And along the way he met other girls. He just approached, said some pleasant optional words, and they were no longer alone, but the three of them could walk together for a while. We met, talked, easily said goodbye when the roads diverged. It was terribly curious that Sergei turned out to be an excellent physiognomist and could tell in advance about almost anyone — whether she is married, what she loves and where she comes from (if she was not a Muscovite). At the same time, Sergei was not at all afraid of the beautiful and could, without hesitation, affably wave his hand to an overdressed and packaged doll with completely painted over eyes. Eyes opened, a funny dialogue arose, from which it turned out that Dolly was really not a Muscovite, which Sergey confidently informed Lada about a hundred steps before meeting her.

… A couple of hours later, Lada was sitting in the Library of Foreign Literature and recalling her journey here with Sergey — as big as life. What did she take away from all this? It seems that a lot: a magnificent, high spirits, overflowing with faces and impressions, and the understanding that she likes to live like this.

• Lada certifies the authenticity of what happened, and I am always ready to certify the authenticity of Lada.

A young man approaches you

— Girl, can I meet you?

«Ham!»

street scene

Almost all healthy young people and girls have a desire to get acquainted, but fear lives in everyone’s soul. Girls are afraid to get acquainted on the street (or consider it indecent), guys are afraid of rejection. And so they walk, looking longingly at each other …

If a guy sees a girl on the street that he likes, and approaches her with the words: “Good afternoon! Girl, I like you, and I would like to meet you!” What is the likelihood of her agreeing? Even if the guy looks decent, does not look like a bandit, and his eyes are cheerful and kind — in six cases out of ten he is refused. Why?

Yes, there is a danger of rape in casual acquaintances for a girl. Therefore, one should not get acquainted at night in a deaf dark alley, one should not get into a random car late at night, especially if there is not one driver, but two young people. But during the day, in bright sunlight and crowds of people! .. Girls, dear, do not invent.

Someone is afraid to get acquainted, because it is not known — what is he like? The street does not give recommendations, but he can weave anything to himself … Yes, that’s right.

But after all, street acquaintance does not oblige you to anything, relationships develop gradually, and if something has alerted you, you can always end these relationships. Dear girls, do not shy away with crazy eyes when trying to get to know you, at least look: who is he? what is he? What if this is a good person?

Behind the fear of dating on the street, girls have nothing but fear. True, the girl is still threatened by the condemnation of public opinion. Girls always remember that, according to grandmothers, it is indecent to get acquainted on the street. Interestingly, it’s decent to get acquainted at a dance, but ten meters to the side, just on the street, is already indecent? Another absurdity, but tenacious. And harmful.

From whom and whom does he protect? The one who is more impudent will get acquainted anyway, but those who are more modest will still behave “decently” and will be on the sidelines. So the condemnation of street dating works primarily against decent people. Who benefits from this? And who is losing?

Once at the Club, I suggested that Pavel get to know Katya — more precisely, play out a possible acquaintance when she sits on a park bench, and he sits down and starts a nice conversation. Katya turned on immediately: she grunted, rolled her eyes and pretended that she was not waiting for anyone. Pavel sat down — she pushed him away with her eyes, he greeted him and asked her name, — Katya looked at him as if he were nothing. Since she reacted to his attempts to compose interesting questions mainly with the mocking look of the examiner, Pavel pretty soon began to make stupid things, then carried nonsense, as a result, he finally got confused and fell silent. Fiasco. “Katya, would you ever meet such a young man in your life?” Katya is convinced: «Never!»

Why am I telling this? And to the fact that in life Pavel is a cheerful and intelligent guy, one of the leaders in the group, and Katya is his happy wife. Just imagine: Katya is not yet married, she is sitting on a bench in the park, Pavel liked both the girl and the bench, and he sits down next to her. What’s next? Next to Katya is her happy fate, but if she arranges an exam for him instead of support, then instead of meeting her future husband, she will have a meeting with another idiot.

Girls, do you want guys to get to know you beautifully and witty? Then, at the very least, don’t put them in an exam situation. Take everything calmer: after all, someone who gets acquainted clumsily and stupidly can turn out to be a wonderful person. On the other hand, a dating specialist may turn out to be a dating specialist only. Therefore, when a guy comes up to you and tries to formulate something that, in his opinion, is apparently witty, do not make a face and do not appreciate his stupidity, but rather give him a discount for excitement, smile and help him.

• In my opinion, it will be easy — in a kind way, regardless of whether you want to continue acquaintance with this guy or not.

By the way, it is more difficult for a girl to decide on an independent acquaintance, but it is much easier to do this (to get acquainted). There is a fact — if a girl takes the initiative, it is more difficult for a guy to refuse her. Check it out! In nine cases out of ten, the guys go to get acquainted.

• However, they still prefer a situation where the girl creates only a convenient opportunity to get to know each other, and the guys take the initiative and get to know each other themselves.

If, nevertheless, the guy is not the same, the situation is not the same and you decide to refuse — do it beautifully. The higher the girl’s intellect and better upbringing, the more tactful her refusal.

At a minimum, this is in your interests, because the goo denial provokes a response goo and attracts the attention of others. And the reaction of others is almost unambiguous — they pester her, which means she deserves it. And if she is also rude, then she is rude and a bitch … Do you need it?

They approach you, but he does not suit you, the type is not yours, or you are not up to it now — anything can happen, but when refusing, thank the guy at least with your eyes for noticing you, for the good words that he had time for you to say (and if he didn’t have time or couldn’t, then he was going to). If he reads all this in your eyes and in your smile, you will part as friends and both will be in a good mood.

Appeal to real men

The situation, of course, is stupid: you understand everything with your head, but it’s scary all the same. What, it would seem, should a strong guy be afraid of in front of a fragile girl, especially if she seems to you not like Baba Yaga, but a local Angel?! But the fact remains, along with a tremor in the voice and tension in the body: if you like a girl, but you have no experience and you don’t know what and how to approach her, then approaching her is scary. And he does not remember this fear (panic fear!) Only those who were not in this situation.

• Perhaps you will be a little comforted by the fact that you are not the only one and it is scary (at least it was) — for every guy. Especially, I repeat, if the girl really liked.

What to do? Only one thing is to try. That is to do. Therefore, if you nevertheless decided, approached a cute creature (with such eyes !!) and tried to start a conversation, then regardless of the result, buy yourself ice cream, because this is your victory.

• Even if someone evaluates it differently.

Perhaps you were refused and did not receive a phone number. How to treat it? Calmly. When this girl is not the second, but the twentieth or two hundredth, your attitude to everything that happens will change significantly, you can guess. But in order for this girl to turn out to be the twentieth or two hundredth, you need not tell yourself that you are in a terribly hurry again and the situation is not at all suitable, but approach, drive up, smile and get to know each other.

• Another thing is that it is better to do any business smartly, because if you come up twenty times and get rejected twenty times, then, most likely, as a result, you will add not skill, but terrible complexes.

If the refusal was gu.e.y, do not gu.e.te in response. The toughest thing possible on your part is a smile: “You are so charming, and so goo!” And by the way, you can be glad that she showed her bad manners immediately, and not a month later, after you had already become attached to her.

Philosophy and soulful dating technique

It is necessary to get acquainted easily, calmly and naturally, like children. The easiest to get acquainted with are those who do not set themselves such a special goal, who are suitable simply because it is a pleasure for him to talk with you. You also tune in: you talked — it’s good, you didn’t make contact — her problems. There are a lot of people, and you will not lose anything if you miss someone and do not get to know this or that one.

• Peace is rich!

People, men, never complex, because even a series of rejections from different girls does not say anything about you. Well, refusal — and what do you have to do with it? One might not be in the mood, another might not get acquainted on the street because of prejudice, for this one you are not her type, this one is just in a hurry, her head is busy with another, this one is married or in love.

• And the simplest thing is that a girl can have bad taste…

The most reasonable thing in a dating situation is to simply take yourself out of the assessment. Accept that in an acquaintance you do not evaluate yourself (how attractive or skillful you are), but her, how mentally healthy and developed she is.

She smiled, identified herself, helped you cope with the excitement — smart girl, I’m happy for you.

She made a stone face and shied away from you — what a pity, girl, how bad life is for you …

Our business is to show interest and enjoy swimming in the element of communication. There is a puppy running around: he can’t do anything yet, but with what pleasure he yelps! He does not even insist that you play with him — it is enough for him that you are. He will run up to you, sniff, wag his tail and poke at your hand. And if you don’t pet him, no big deal! — he just as enthusiastically runs on.

• It’s worth learning from him.

You have to learn and get used to talking to a variety of people without any ulterior motives, without any intention to achieve a result — with girls and boys, old and young, in line and on the bus … If there is an opportunity to ask something, ask. If you have a reason to smile, smile.

For shy and phlegmatic — a series of auxiliary exercises:

1. Communicate more. At least actively support the conversation if you are approached. For example, an old woman began to chat with you — chat with her, do not leave the conversation. Try to find in this conversation for yourself something pleasant and interesting to chat with pleasure.

Moreover, do not just keep the conversation going, but start it yourself. Start talking yourself. For example, in a trolleybus: “Will you let me read a newspaper? We have a problem with mail, the postman never brings it before ten. Are you more lucky? By the way, tell me what makes sense to write out for this year?

2. Play the role of a balabolka. Your obstacle is that you want to talk smart. Drop it, step over — allow yourself to talk any nonsense. How will they look at you? The way you present yourself.

Somehow Dima Chekmenev (in itself an unforgettable type) introduced me to the Real Shaman from Yakutia. How she introduced herself — the Most Important Shaman of Yakutia. Someone could call her a very fat woman, but looking at her, I saw the Ball, overflowing with love and energy.

• Love — for yourself, and energy — to represent something from yourself.

I had enough sense of humor to take her seriously, but the amount of confident nonsense that poured out of her exceeded all previously known limits.

— You know, I have yesterday — you have no idea !! — all of a sudden, out of the blue! — the button came off. Button, you won’t believe it! So small — so small! But I needed her! So, in the store, two saleswomen were looking for her for half an hour! We rummaged through the entire store, but, imagine, we found it! By the way, what is this building we are passing through? There it is, the four-story building! Yes, it would suit me, I’ll probably take it …

The stream charged with such pressure poured out without interruption — and I believed her that she really was the Most Important Shaman of Yakutia. She wasn’t sure, she just knewthat everything that happens to her, any, it would seem, nonsense and trifle, is not nonsense and trifle, but what happens to her — that is, an event of exceptional importance. She kept herself that way. Moreover, she lived like that!

• Why am I talking about her? I believe that it does not present any difficulties to get to know someone.

3. Cultivate a childish, fun, playful beginning. I will never believe that you were never a child. And if you were, then remember what it looks like. Smearing porridge on the table, perhaps, is no longer necessary, but jumping, for example, from the entrance to the entrance on one leg is a huge pleasure.

• At first it is better to do it without witnesses.

Real children love to play adults — in this, too, take an example from them, portray a variety of people, your friends and just those around you.

• If they are offended, depict something else, for example, a train, how it puffs and pouts. Oh no, it won’t work — they might think that you are mimicking the offended.

Play for life! Prove things that you yourself do not agree with, support any ridiculous version, distort, fantasize. An aunt next to you starts: “What a youth gone!” Draw your eyebrows together and sympathize loudly with her. If she does not calm down, advise her something radical, for example: “You need to crush all of them, hang and shoot!” — so that, «are you serious or joking», no one understands.

• Including you.

If you don’t have enough imagination for anything at all, memorize “Bad Advice” by Grigory Oster.

4. Learn to be spontaneous. Seize the moment — first of all sincere. Proper mental presetting will give you both inspiration and courage, and as a result, everything will turn out simply and “by itself”. And suddenly they missed the moment, “broke their breath”, and the best preparations will turn out to be inappropriate: the words will be alien and not needed by anyone.

• How to learn it? When you live without tension, everything will come by itself, but for now, relax and learn to tell jokes.

The ability to «sell» an anecdote is a real art, given to someone by nature, and more often — talentedly developed. Actually, the main secret of good storytellers is to start the story exactly when it comes in handy. And start right away, in a wave, from the heart, involving everyone in a completely lively picture.

The text of the joke can be simple and short. For example:

— You know, I met your husband in the store yesterday. So, he told me such an anecdote, I almost fell out of bed …

Tell this anecdote to all your friends — but the main thing is not to “tell”, but that it should be born by itself, naturally and in one breath.

5. Get used to helping and responding to help. A person who is always ready to help others and easily seeks help himself has few problems with contacts. It’s so simple! Granny is dragging her wheeled bag up the stairs — take a minute, help her, she’s really having a hard time. There is a girl with a heavy bag — offer to bring it.

• You can do it, but for starters, at least a bag.

A blind man walks — offer your hand. Jump off the high steps — ask for a hand. If you don’t know how to get there, how to get there, what time it is or where what is sold, ask. You see that someone does not know — tell me.

• Agree, the complexity of tasks at the school level with mental retardation. But then why don’t you do it? mental retardation?

6. Watch your face. The main, background expression of your face should be calm benevolence and a willingness to smile. Even when you’re not smiling, the smile should be at the corners of your mouth and in your eyes. And when your smile blooms, it should mean one thing — how great it is to have you, me, this whole world that I like so much …

• Can I be sure that at least the last exercise you will do? That is, will you make it your way of life?

Something to help you get to know

— Girl, can I have a minute?

— Can you do it in a minute?

— How long are you able to!

— Skillfully, just for a long time!

All intelligent people here are obliged to demonstrate that such humor is not spiritually close to them.

Only openings are given here — situations and the first words that will help your acquaintance. The rest depends only on you, but we have already agreed that you are an educated person, sweet and likeable, you read not only the TV guide and, of course, you will be able to be interesting?

Your main setup:

It is always useful to have with you: sweets, deflated balloons, flowers (at least one, field flowers are better in summer), a newspaper or magazine with crossword puzzles, a writing (writing well) pen and bibliographic cards (you touched them with your fingers, looking for the right book in the catalog. Where can I get them? As long as there are libraries, there will be cards somewhere. And hundreds and for nothing.).

You can, of course, and business cards, but the usual official business cards are too serious and for someone — unprofitable.

• And when it is not expensive, it will cease to be relevant to get acquainted on the street.

Therefore, in which case, instead of business cards, it is convenient to use just your small photos. They are also rigid, and it is also convenient to write your name and phone number on them.

• But I do not recommend using them in a small town — soon all the girls will know you by sight, even without knowing you. And it’s not always good.

So, you walk down the street, your back is straight, your eyes are cheerful, you rejoice at the world, yourself and the old women passing by. Sometimes attractive girls come across. If the girl really liked — go after her and on the go buy a flower, at least one.

— Girl, let me give you one rose: this is the audience award for you.

• Applause!

Girl, I have a request for you. May I give you these flowers? I would like to see you someday and give you a big bouquet of roses. Do you love roses?

• If she doesn’t, admit that you don’t love them either, and agree on a bouquet that suits her.

“Girl, I liked you so much that I would die if I didn’t see you again. May I give you flowers tomorrow?

• Option: do not ask for anything — neither the phone, nor when we meet; instead, if you have time, follow along and find out where she lives and works. She will come out, and you are standing with a bouquet of flowers. There is!

It is always easier to get to know each other if you are not alone, but in a company: then it is easy to imagine the situation in such a way that you seem to be fussing for a friend:

— Girl, my friend wants to meet you. His name is Dima, he really liked you, but he doesn’t know your name…

Or even simpler: you approach a cute creature with a friend and begin to acquaint them according to all the rules. Represent a friend: This is Seryozha. And this…(toward the girl, but there is a hitch) …What is your name? — … Tanya. Tanya, it’s very nice. And I’m Dima.

• Well, we all got to know each other.

You can ask for directionsbut not anywhere. The itinerary you are interested in should be:

• the man probably knew him;
• you, as a Muscovite, may not know him or forget;
• explaining the way was not easy.

More precisely, just a long time, and this is the main thing!

How to get to the Mayakovsky Theater in Moscow, or to the Hermitage Garden, or to the Conservatory, or the Repeat Film Cinema, or Illusion, or from some outskirts to get to the nearest metro — can be explained, but with some skills (for example, funny and cute stupidity) the explanation will not even take a minute, but nice more.

• If you want to get acquainted, time is playing on you, and the longer the conversation goes on, the more chances you have.

Here, by the way: at your request, let the one you ask from draw a path to bibliographic card. What for? Well, how — this is a great occasion for you to have at hand what to write and what to write on. And then it is very convenient to exchange phone numbers on the same or on another card.

— You know, you explained everything so well to me — I would so like to hear your voice again, at least on the phone. Can I text you my phone number and will you call me sometime?

• And if later on the phone your voice will sound worse, you have a reason to insist on a personal meeting.

— Here’s my phone. If possible, I would write down yours too. I would very much like to meet you again. Because during this time I have already established that you are kind and good.

• It is rare that a girl will dispute this beautiful hypothesis, which undeniably proves your insight.

— Girl, you explain so well, it’s so nice to talk to you. I have a non-standard offer for you — can I invite you sometime to the Mayakovsky Theater (Lenkom) for something good? Yes? Then let’s exchange phone numbers.

• I would say that this is a very serious proposal.

One can know the time (and play for time):

— Can you tell me what time it is? Are you sure your watch is running? Oh, can I look more precisely? .. Here, I would like to draw arrows. In general, I have a very complicated relationship with the clock — sometimes I let them down, then they let me down … I call 100 every morning — I set the time. Can I call you better? You answer much nicer!

• True, it sounds good: “You answer much nicer!”? So that such nice words come from your soul yourself, “on the machine” — practice. Challenge yourself: How many times a day can you find a reason to say something nice to people?

But — further.

The girl is sitting on the bench, you come up behind and cover her eyes with your hands. Right, what does she do then? She — always — covers yours with her own hands and begins to wonder: “Sergey, Andrey? ..” Then you take her hand, greet her and introduce yourself.

• Just don’t come up with this joke to anxious aunts without a sense of humor. Such an aunt will easily squeal all over the boulevard as soon as your palms fall on her eyes.

On the subway or at the bus stop.

Have a deflated balloon with you at all times. They saw a good girl — inflate it in front of her, write on it what you want, and solemnly give it to her.

• For example, draw yourself sad, write your phone number and ask for her phone number there. Or you can just write her good words and smile.

Or you can give the girl opposite a bibliographic card (your business card or photo), on the back of which a sad face is drawn and the phrase: «Girl, I’m so sad because I don’t know your name.» If a conversation started after that, it worked. If, instead of talking, she briefly wrote her name, give her another card: “And now I am cheerful, but where and when can I see you again?”

• And so on, everyone loves to correspond.

If you haven’t found a reason to talk in the subway, catch up in the transition:

— Girl, you can’t be so inhumane. You saw that I couldn’t take my eyes off you, and you just got up and left. Let’s get to know each other better. My name is Pasha (So Pasha really met Anya. They already have two children, and they now live in Wisconsin).

If in a subway or train car a girl has a newspaper or magazine in her hands, ask to read (you can immediately ask what is the most interesting there); in any case, returning, there is a reason to share something about what you read — and discuss it. If it’s uncomfortable to talk, and the views from both sides turned out to be warm, then don’t get lost: on this newspaper that connected you, write your phone number and a few short words in a conspicuous place that will help her not to forget you.

If you don’t have her to read, you can try to include it in your classes. For example, if you solve a crossword puzzle, it will be just stupid if you never ask her for help.

• And, of course, a completely win-win option: show her this very book and ask her opinion about the dating options proposed here. Naturally, after a couple of pages, the girl will take this book away from you and start reading it herself, but you just don’t give it to her, but arrange a meeting and so on.

Dating in the rain.

You can, of course, get wet for someone, or you can offer an umbrella to someone or someone who is without an umbrella. Even easier is to hide your umbrella and dive under the umbrella of a person you like: “Save me from this extraterrestrial waterfall!”

• Do you think it will kick out? No. And under the umbrella you have to cuddle. And the rain is very strong and wet!

In the store or near it:

— I need your help. It’s my sister’s birthday, I want to buy her something, but I don’t know what. Advise! (Help me choose!)

• If this is not a jewelry department, then you can use this technique often.

Queue:

Girl, you probably know. I bought vermicelli, but I don’t really know what to do with it. (Can I always consult with you?)

• If the answer is very positive, you will be able to consult with her for the rest of your life.

At the movie poster:

— Girl, tell me what to watch now? And let me invite you and we will try to get there — if we are together, any film will suit me.

• And in a couple of years she will answer you: “If we are together, any life will suit me!” It’s beautiful, right? And you started it!

Ask for an extra ticket, and when unsuccessful:

— Didn’t you succeed? Me too. But I have a suggestion for you: let’s go to a cafe, it’s warm there, and it will also be nice with you.

In the theater itself, you can always ask a nice person for a program. And then discuss your experiences.

• If he does not like the same thing as you, then this is your person!

Introduction to hacking

— Girl, I keep thinking of a reason to come up to you and talk, and nothing comes to mind. Can we get to know each other for no reason?

He thinks he can

These were all ways of dating when you find some convenient occasion for him. Of course, it’s easier with a reason. Is it possible — without a reason? Get acquainted — by hacking? So to speak, right through?

• You can say softer: not «through», but — just straight, not justifying your initiative by the presence of a reason. What’s there to justify? Are you doing something bad?

You can also consider this as a test for girls. Indeed, if you are good, then a smart girl will definitely get to know you.

• Accordingly, if not, then there are two possibilities: either you are not good, or the girl is not smart. Decide which is more accurate.

So, on the beach (or some other boring place):

— Girl, can I join you? Let’s miss it together, it’s more fun!

On the street:

— Good afternoon. I have a completely unconventional question for you. I’m interested in: how would you refuse that young man who would come up to you, smile and say: «Let’s get acquainted?»

• While she is thinking about what to answer here, you can have time to smile at her and see her smile.

“Excuse me, girl, can I have a minute?” You know, we don’t know each other, but this can be easily fixed. My name is Andrey. And what is your name? (… Lena.) Lena, I like everything about you, starting with your name. I would like to give you my phone so that I can see you again. There must be holidays in a person’s life …

• Then you can sing a song: “Three months of summer, three months of autumn … — and so on … And eternal spring!”

— Good afternoon. You know, it is very indecent to address a person without knowing his name. Let’s get to know each other, and then it will be easier for us to talk. My name is Dima. And what is your name?

• An amazingly decent young man! Probably in a tie.

— Girls, attention — the census. your phones.

• If you are afraid, they will give you phones. If they were not afraid, but laughed, they would give the same thing.

— Girl, will you have a piece of paper and a pen? .. Can I write down my phone number for you? I wouldn’t want to lose you.

• A graceful tackle, but not quite street. On the street, a girl may not have a piece of paper or a pen. Not writers!

– Excuse me, I think we met somewhere. Have you been to the Sputnik camp last year? Where were you this summer? Anyway, let’s not split up. What is your name?

• One of the most hackneyed options, but, oddly enough, it really often passes.

— D-girl, where is the street D-d-d-d-d … (Play a stutterer. Pity will always wake up in a girl, she will begin to guess the street — and try to help you.) Actually, I want to get to know you.

• For this, if he does not beat, he will appreciate it.

— Such a charming girl, but she carries (holds) such a healthy bag … Let me help you. Where are you going?

• Just don’t approach strangers like that. As a rule, they are naturally tense and they will never give you a bag.

“You know, it’s terribly nice to see at least one girl walking slowly. In our time, everyone is running like that … In Moscow, it will soon be like in the ancient northern tribes: caught up — it means you got married, if you didn’t catch up — it’s your own fault. Do you know about this custom?

• What a hint!! Class!!!

Girl, you have a sad face. I want to give you a candy, and so that your soul becomes lighter … I can’t part with you just like that: what if you ever become sad again?

• Just be careful — perhaps sadness will be the only thing that unites you …

— Girl, do you know where the nearest hospital is? .. (The girl thinks.) I really want to meet one girl, and if she doesn’t give me her phone number, I will end up in this hospital …

• The girl stops thinking.

Marina Tsvetaeva in the Moscow Metro

Do you remember the lesson when we came up with and acted out skits in the Club, how to build relationships differently, how beautiful the rituals of acquaintance, farewell, declaration of love, and so on could be?

So, you brought us up like that then, we said goodbye in the metro for sixteen jumps, the policeman next to us looked at us, but did not dare to approach. And then I’m already sitting in the car alone, I look, there are two interesting men in front of me … One of them, however, with a lady, seems to be with his wife, and the other (probably his brother) looks very personal: in a leather jacket, don’t get drunk . That is, if he was a little drunk, then when I sat down next to him and began, looking into his eyes, to read Tsvetaeva, he, in my opinion, immediately sobered up.

…I would like to live with you

In a small town,

Where is the eternal twilight

And eternal bells.

And in a small village hotel —

subtle ringing

Antique clocks are like droplets of time.

— What is your name?

I take his hand and continue:

…I would like to live with you

In a small town,

Where is the eternal twilight

And eternal bells.

And sometimes, in the evenings, from some attic —

The flute,

And the flutist himself in the window.

And big tulips on the windows.

And maybe you wouldn’t even love me…

And stroked his hand. His eyes widened.

— What is your name?

… You would lie — how I love you: lazy,

Indifferent, carefree.

Occasionally a sharp crack

Matches

I think he went into a complete trance. What he thought about me, I do not know, but he could only utter:

— What is your name?

I’m tired of it, so I say:

— Marina Tsvetaeva!

— Marina, let’s go to barbecue tomorrow?

— …

Here, however, I realized that I did not want to go to barbecues with him. No, I didn’t offend him, we talked normally for another five minutes, and it was time for me to leave.

That’s it.

• Why did Ira refuse? Probably because she does not go to barbecues with those who do not know Marina Tsvetaeva.

Come on, girls!

Let’s start with what has already been mentioned: if a girl decides to get acquainted, she is doomed to success. No one, of course, guarantees that something sensible will come out of an acquaintance, but just tying up a warm chatter is usually no problem for a girl.

When, for example, the sweet girl Inna conducted this experiment, nine out of ten acquaintances took place.

• Including, by the way, with a nearby policeman. And what — he is also a man and, it seems, was somewhat bored.

The only acquaintance broke like this. Inna liked the guy who was carefully looking at some kind of poster, she came up, stood next to her and began to think: “Where to start?” And he suddenly turned around and asked: “Girl, what is your name?” Inna was so confused that she replied: “I don’t know …”

• It happens. But the guy had a strange look.

And so — what especially to invent? You are standing in a transport, holding on with one hand, holding the book or notebook that you are reading in the other. Nearby is a young man. «Excuse me, can you turn the page for me?»

• You can drop it, but if there are not too many people. And then after all — they will trample, helping!

Transport on our Russian roads shakes, and holding on to something is sometimes uncomfortable for you, after which you involuntarily (almost involuntarily) push (fall on) a young man. “Sorry, it’s hard to resist here, and there is no courageous hand (this is with a smile) on which one could lean!” Naturally, the young man will apologize and offer his hand.

• Think not? Check: give a hand. And to apologize … Well, what do you want, Asia, sir!

Those who use makeup and eyeliner always have a reason to be friendly to any guy: “Oh, can you help? I seem to have a leaky eye. Yes?»

• If he says that he has already flowed out, then you are potatoes from the same garden.

And when, ending a fully lived day, well, you return home very late, it’s smarter not to go alone. So that it is not clear what kind of young man sticks to you, get ahead of him and stick yourself — to any decent guy: ask to see him off. Rejections are extremely rare.

• Well, for example, he is in a hurry with a girl. Then let him go.

Magic at the banquet, or NLP in action

– I divide people into sensationalists and educated people. For example, I am an educated person.

– How did you define it?

— And I feel it.

Do you hear? (Humor will only be understood by an NLP specialist — a specialist in nerve-paralytic (sorry, neuro-linguistic) programming. More on this later.)

Sveta slowly stirs the tea with a spoon, takes small crackers one by one with thin fingers and tells me her always wonderful stories:

— I have always wondered: why, if I want, a particular young man will always come up to me and begin to get acquainted? And then I went to NLP, and, in fact, they told me. In short, as I understand it, I do it this way.

We recently had a banquet, a young man is sitting at the next table, the type is quite in my taste. And I started: without looking at him (I don’t need this), I began to repeat all his movements … Then I adjusted my breathing under him, and we became completely synchronous with him in all manifestations. I felt where he would turn his head, how he would move his shoulder, and my hand rose along with his.

In NLP, this is called “tuning”, I used to do it quite often in the same way, only I didn’t understand it myself and didn’t notice it.

And now look at everything that happens on his part: consciously he does not notice anything, because obviously nothing is happening; and his unconscious sees that his reflection, his double, has appeared nearby. Of course, he pays attention to it! He’s already drawn to me!

Well, that’s all: after 10 minutes, during a break, he himself approached me and began to start a conversation …

…Hmmm. It reminds me of sessions of magic with exposure, when the exposed method seems more wonderful than the magical action. And what: you try to adjust in such a way, to get used to it! That’s where the magic is, that’s where the magic is!

This rich art is just to approach and get acquainted.

• The art of just being there and making people start to get to know you…